Pomp and Circumcision

Or whatever that graduation song is

Was it only…or already…four years ago that I was feeling a wee bit teary-eyed at the opening strains of that classic commencement chorus [1], watching K in his ill-fitting blue cap and gown descend the stairway in the high school gym?  And there it was again, last Sunday. On a cloudy/sunny afternoon in Tacoma, K’s sister Belle, his father MH and I watched him graduate from the University of Puget Sound.

 

Eligrad

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These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Wasp nests on car doors and….

waspnest

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Department of Nuance Comprehension

While the smoke is still clearing from the next religiously-motivated suicide bombing, there will be some blithering apologists well-meaning but naive PC advocates who’ll whine that the terrorists aren’t “true” believers, and that “Islam is a peaceful religion – in fact, Islam means ‘peace’…”.  Then, when Bill Maher (or someone else with a public forum) points out  

* the numerous passages in the Koran and the Hadith that call for violence against infidels and heretics
* that “Islam,” in fact, translates as “submission”

he will be pelted with pejoratives, ala “Intolerance! Islamophobe!”

REALLY

Children, use your words, and use them appropriately.

Correcting misinformation is not intolerance. Stating a fact, even an opinion, is not intolerance nor evidence of _____- phobia.

I was on the receiving end of similar [2] accusations of censorship and intolerance when I posted a picture, taken during the afore-mentioned graduation trip, of stickers I placed on the inside cover pages of the religious book I found in my hotel room.

 

gideon

 

Whenever I travel I carry a supply of “warning stickers.” [3] These stickers may be placed on the inside covers of the religious books (mainly Gideon Bibles [4] ) that often infest are found in hotel and motel rooms. The book remains in its entirety; the sticker(s) “censor” nothing, but merely serve as a playful prank to (hopefully) tweak the curiosity of those who might not know much about the inappropriately-nicknamed good book and who the heck that Gideon character was.

The warning labels on cigarette packs are just that – warning labels. They neither censor nor destroy the pack, and the cigarettes contained therein are still widely available for purchase. The labels simply warn that cigarette smoking causes pulmonary and heart disease and is linked to a variety of other morbidities.

So. Back to nuance comprehension. All together now. This:

 

warning

 

Is not this:

bookkburn

 

Who does not understand the difference?

Some well-meaning users of social media (and other venues), apparently.

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Department of What Goes Around Comes Around
(or so I can dream)

Dateline: last week, a sporting goods store. As I stood in line to check out after using the venue’s indoor archery range, a large, bear-shaped man reeking of cigarette smoke passed by.  On one of his massive forearms he had a tattoo, in that faux-Asian bamboo font

bamboo font

which read, in all caps:

GO  FUCK  YOURSELF

Charming.

Friends, family, readers of this blog, religious conservative batshit crazy wing nuts, people with differing political and religious viewpoints – y’all know I am not averse to the shrewd application of 80 Proof Language ® . And, there do seem to be times and places and people for which GFY is the only rational reaction.

But, really. Of all the ways to present yourself to anyone…to the world….  Is this really how you want to “introduce” yourself to people who have given you no insult or caused you no harm – people whom you’ve never even met but who, due to proximity, find themselves confronted and affronted by the brusque directive on your hairy forearm?

 

braying ass

 

Dude?  You extend your arm for a handshake with the boss – e wraps  GO FUCK YOURSELF. You reach down to pet your niece’s new puppy – GO FUCK YOURSELF. You return the good morning wave of your elderly next-door neighbor – GO FUCK YOURSELF. You raise your hand to salute a disabled veteran marching in the July 4th parade – GO FUCK YOURSELF.

From the looks of him, there’s a good chance Mr. GFY is going to need emergency medical care in the near future. Petty person that I am, I find it fitting to contemplate a certain scenario: one EMT rolls up the guy’s sleeve to start an IV, pauses, then tells her fellow paramedic not to bother attaching the cardiac monitor: “This guy has a DNR order and is refusing treatment.” They pack up their equipment and leave Mr. GFY…well, totally fucked, himself.

*   *   *

In the garage pantry I beheld the result of MH’s Costco trip, and asked him:

If we left the garage door open, do you think our Great Wall of Cheerios could be viewed from the space station?

cheerios

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Department of Ecumenical Ignorance Enhancement

Aka, my contribution to world peace.

I propose the establishment of Rosh Ramada Yo Mama, an interfaith observance combining aspects of  Rosh Hoshanna, and Ramadan, wherein Jews and Muslims set aside their differences and acknowledging their mutual suffering as they convene in substandard motels where they are served nothing but decaf instant Sanka between dawn and dusk.

ramada

Attention, Norwegian Nobel Committee members reading this blog: please send my Nobel Peace Prize award nomination notification via my snail mail address.

 

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May your vehicles be wasp nest-free; may your observances be tolerantly subversive and fully caffeinated, 

and may the hijinks ensue.

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

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[1] Altogether: always avoid alliteration.

[2] If much milder

[3] which interested freethinkers may acquire at the Freedom From Religion Foundation’s website store.

[4] Placed in hotel rooms by The Gideon Society, the Mormon church and other religious groups – the lodging venues do not pay for them.