It’s that time of the year again. As has become a tradition much maligned anticipated in our neighborhood, moiself is hosting a different Partridge, every week, in my front yard’s pear tree. [1]
Can you identify this week’s guest Partridge?
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Department Of Random Realizations That I Can’t Blame On The Post-Foot Surgery
Narcotics Since I’m Not Taking Them Anymore, But I’m Much Housebound,
And These Thoughts…Arise
I know – or, since I’m telling y’all, should that be, You Oughta Know – that, had moiself been a freshman in college in 1995, my dormmates would have heard a lot of Alanis Morrisette blasting from my room.
* * *
Department Of Random Thoughts/Observation/Realizations That
I Can’t Blame On…. Chapter Two.
I was reading a newspaper article which contained an interview with a clergyman (who was quoted as some sort of expert on some sort of religious subject). The clergyman’s title was given as, “The Very Rev. Nutsack.” [2]
*Very* Reverend? Since my stitches are in my foot, my ensuing belly laugh didn’t threaten to rip them out.
Excuze-moi; I know that Reverend is a professional title conferred upon someone who has ordered and paid for their degree certificate via the classified ads section of the Billy Graham Association’s Decision magazine and/or The National Enquirer studied/met the requirements of certain theological institutions. Still, I’ve little respect for anyone who has obtained the title (and sees fit to use it), Reverend.
What is a degree in theology, other than a degree in mythology and apologetics? Theology is a field of “study” which, instead of employing the verifiable modalities of the sciences, is based on unproven, unverifiable assumptions (e.g. faith, and the existence of specific deities).
And how does one get the Very prefixed to one’s title? Is there a contest, like Jeopardy or American Ninja Warriors, to determine the most Very of Reverends?
That’s *very* Reverend, to you!
* * *
Department Of More Notes From Recovery
Dateline: Monday; 6 am-ish. After working from home last week, MH is going back to his non-virtual office. I know he’s a bit concerned re how moiself will manage on my own ( translation: Will she try to do too much and overdo it/hurt her foot? [3] )
Meanwhile, in our small, pocket-doored, downstairs half-bathroom, I’m feeling proud of moiself as I begin the morning routine I’ve established:
* Step 1: Move from sleeping spot (family room couch) to bathroom. Crutches resting against the wall, kneeling on the padded-with-a-folded-towel footstool in front of the sink, I remove my nightshirt, hang it on the koi painting, and wash my face and neck.
* Step 2: Balancing on my right foot, I wet two of the three clean hand towels (which I’d set out the night before, by the sink) with warm water.
* Step 3: I put the toilet seat lid down; place a dry folded towel atop the lid, sit on the lid and use first wet hand towel to sponge bathe my back, torso, arms, right leg and foot, and as much of the left leg as I can reach (the boot goes from toes to just below the knee). I use the second towel to sponge bathe my groin and towel #3 to dry off, then slather my skin with lotion.
* Step 4: I don my underpants, carefully, over the booted leg first and then the right leg; I follow the same procedure with my flared capri yoga pants (chosen for their relative ease in slipping over my booted foot). As I pull on my bra and shirt, I’m feeling rather smug about being able to craft and maintain this routine given my temporary limitations and in a usable space of 32 x 36 inches…until I realize that moiself has put her bra on backwards. [4]
Okay, back down to earth, Supercrip, Ms. Smartypants/Dumbassbra. I appreciate my momentary humility before recalling one of my favorite quotes, from former Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meyer:
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Department Of The Latest Publishing Scam Marketing Opportunity
“As creative artists, we not only have to worry about our work being stolen… now we need to anticipate being assaulted with AI-generated scams, marketing pitches, publication offers…. This is an incredibly prolific scam that is aggressively targeting writers… It has spun up extremely fast.”
(author Victoria Strauss, whose Writer Beware website provides information and warnings on writing related scams. Excerpt From her Wikipedia page )
Like many writers, marketing publishing strategies (read: scams) have occasionally infested my email inbox. But there is something more disturbing, even malevolent – yet also dystopian-ly entertaining, IMO – about these new ones.
The emails are similarly formatted. They open by complementing me on my writing and listing several of my publication titles, indicating at least a cursory knowledge of my work. [5] The various setups all employ similar complements in their intro, then give the pitch for hiring them to “maximize your ___(blah blah blah consultant speech ).”
Nowhere is there a mention of their fees – surprise! But since fewer publishers (even the legit, traditional publishers) are doing the actual work of publishing, this is a con that I can see novice/wannabe authors falling for. World-weary sigh: one more way to separate authors from increasing dwindling royalties while, of course, proposing to maximize those royalties. To adapt an infamous, curmudgeonly maxim, it is an unfortunate truism that no one ever went broke underestimating the gullibility of writers. [6]
The most recent MSE (marketing scam email) I received purported to be from someone with a new (to me) title: a Professional Amazon Marketer Therapist.
Tell me about zis marketing content platform, and about your dreams of trains going through tunnels and how your parents ruined your life….
Dear Robyn Parnell,
Congratulations on your outstanding literary career and creative versatility. Your works, from The Mighty Quinn ( Scarletta Press [7] ) to This Here and Now and My Closet Threw a Party, reflect a rare blend of wit, heart, and depth that connects with both adult and young audiences alike. Your clever humor, inventive storytelling, and wide range of published pieces across anthologies and journals showcase a voice that is both distinctive and resonant. [8]
As a member of the Authors Guild and Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI), with a bibliography spanning multiple genres and age groups, your dedication to the craft is unmistakable. However, even the most talented and prolific authors often face challenges in ensuring that their books gain the global reach and visibility they *deserve* on Amazon….
This is where I come in. My name is (redacted), a Professional Amazon Marketer Therapist with years of ___ (Six bullet points of blah blah sales BS blah blah ensue ).
Through this structured and proven process, I’ve helped authors regain traction, achieve top-category rankings, and sustain lasting success in competitive markets. Your creative achievements and literary voice *deserve* that same global recognition and reach….
Amazon Professional Marketer Therapist.
( excerpt from email; *emphases* mine )
* * *
Department Of Marketing Therapy, The Prequel
The first such email moiself received (several months ago) began thusly:
“Hi Robyn,
First, let me say how much I admire your work. From your short fiction collection This Here and Now to your children’s book My Closet Threw a Party, you display a rare combination of humor, imagination, and literary skill. Your writing captures both the whimsy and the profound, creating stories that resonate with adult and young readers alike. Your playful yet insightful approach to storytelling makes your work memorable, engaging, and timeless….”
It was, almost word for word, a preview of the other emails I would be receiving, from “people” I don’t know/have never met who greet me by my first name and proceed with the kind of flattery a younger and/or less experienced writer might be impressed by ( “Wow, they really know and like my work!” ).
Swept up in the Sally Field-esque moment, you might neglect to notice that the complementary adjectives and descriptions of your work are either AI-generated and/or taken from reviews about your book ( if you were lucky enough to get any [9] ) or your book jacket’s description and promos provided by your book’s publisher. [10]
Then, there’s one more booster before getting down to business:
“Your versatility as a writer navigating adult fiction, juvenile novels, and children’s literature positions you to connect with multiple audiences. With a targeted marketing strategy, we can expand your readership, amplify your visibility, and drive meaningful engagement across the literary community.
As a book marketing consultant, I specialize in helping authors like you….”
Marketing hype ensues.
There are slight changes in the wording – excuse me, the content [11] – but once you’ve read one of them, the template is easily recognizable.
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Department Of Points Worth Remembering About Charlie Kirk
( excerpts from The Guardian article:“Charlie Kirk in his own words.” )
“If I see a Black pilot, I’m going to be like, boy, I hope he’s qualified.”
( The Charlie Kirk Show, 23 January 2024 )
“Happening all the time in urban America, prowling Blacks go around for fun to go target white people, that’s a fact. It’s happening more and more.”
( The Charlie Kirk Show, 19 May 2023 )
“If I’m dealing with somebody in customer service who’s a moronic Black woman, I wonder is she there because of her excellence, or is she there because of affirmative action?”
( The Charlie Kirk Show, 3 January 2024 )
“Reject feminism. Submit to your husband, Taylor. You’re not in charge.”
( Discussing news of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement,
on The Charlie Kirk Show, 26 August 2025 )
“America was at its peak when we halted immigration for 40 years and we dropped our foreign-born percentage to its lowest level ever. We should be unafraid to do that.”
( The Charlie Kirk Show, 22 August 2025 )
“The American Democrat party hates this country. They wanna see it collapse. They love it when America becomes less white.”
( The Charlie Kirk Show, 20 March 2024 )
“The great replacement strategy, which is well under way every single day in our southern border, is a strategy to replace white rural America with something different.”
( The Charlie Kirk Show, 1 March 2024 )
“Islam is the sword the left is using to slit the throat of America.”
( Charlie Kirk social media post, 8 September 2025 )
The following quotes are curated in the 11/25 Freethought Today (my emphases).
“Charlie Kirk did not deserve to be assassinated. But I am overwhelmed seeing the flags of the United States of America at half-staff, calling this nation to honor…a man who was an unapologetic racist, and spent all of his life to sew seeds of division and hate into this land…. How you die does not redeem how you lived.”
( Rev. Howard–John Wesley, of Alexandria, Virginia, in a sermon in the aftermath of Kirk’s killing, Associated Press 9-24-25 )
“What Cardinal Dolan may not have known is that many of Mr. Kirk’s words were marked by racist, homophobic, trans, phobic, and anti-immigration rhetoric, by violent, pro-gun advocacy, and by the promotion of Christian nationalism. These prejudicial words do not reflect the qualities of a saint. It is giving undo sanction to words and actions that hurt the very people Jesus calls us to love.”
( The Sisters of Charity of New York, rebuffing comments made about Charlie Kirk by Cardinal Dolan, who said, “this guy is a modern day Saint Paul” and a “hero.”
Religion News Service, 9–28–25 )
* * *
Department Of Publishing Scams Ain’t Got Nothing On
The Oldest Scam In The World…Which Brings Us To
Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week [12]
It’s an incredible con job when you think of it, to believe something now
in exchange for life after death. Even corporations
with all their reward systems don’t try to make it posthumous.
( Gloria Steinem )
* * *
May you know how special you are without
scammers telling you how special you are;
May you fall for neither the newest nor oldest scam;
May you live in a way so that no one tries to redeem your
legacy via the manner of your death;
…and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
* * *
[1] Specifically, in the pear tree daughter Belle purchased and (with the help of MH) planted many years ago
[2] Not the Reverend’s real surname.
[3] Turns out I did, overdo it that is, and hurt something else, BUT NOT MY FOOT.
[4] Note for men and or non-brassiere wearers, who might wonder how this can be possible: The bra in question is a pullover style, not one with the hook and eye backstrap thingamajiggy. And now you know.
[5] that any 10-year-old with the knowledge of search engines could do.
[6] “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public,” – variants attributed to showman PT Barnum and Baltimore journalist H.L. Mencken.
[7] Well, they got that only partly right – Scarletta Press changed its name to Mighty Media Press.
[8] Another such email used its AI thesaurus to describe my work as both unique and vibrant….
[9] The majority of published books never receive even one professional review. These stats have only worsened since the Authors Guild Bulletin noted in 2008: “from Publisher’s Weekly: ‘Three thousand books are published daily (1,095,000 per year) in the U.S. Six thousand were reviewed in 2007, less than one percent of the total published. ‘ “
[10] or your parents and friends, if your book was self-published ( rim shot! )
[11] as I have learned, all writers now are “content providers“ who should be concerned with, as much or not more than the quality of their work, establishing and maintaining their “platform.“
[12] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists. No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.” Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org
