Department of the In Between
Happy In-Between Week. ® [1]
New Year’s Eve has always held both the threat and promise of merriment. And by threat I mean the anxiety arising from the suspicion that expectations can never be met, and the pressure that comes with the knowledge – actually, of course, the astoundingly incorrect assumption – that everyone else but me is having soooooooo much fun….
I’ve had some very enjoyable NYE’s, and some that really sucked. Most have been satisfactory if not at least tolerable but, frankly, closer to the zenith of what I call the Lame-o-meter. (it goes by other names, too).
One of the lamest of the lame occurred many years ago when I was living in The Bay Area. I’d received less than zero [2] invitations to NYE’s events and I’d neither the time, money nor inclination to organize even the smallest of gatherings moiself. All things considered, why not wallow in it? What might be one of the lamest things to do on a night generally considered to be full of promise and anticipation of exciting times to come? I stayed home, polished an old chair (not even my chair; [3] it belonged to the landlord) and watched that fucking ball drop in Times Square on one of those insipid, Wearisome Rockin’ New Year’s Eve shows.
That night has proven to be a shining beacon [4] — a light leading to improvement in the years to come. Every year, no matter what lackluster plans I have or lack for NYE, I reminded myself, at least you’re not at home polishing someone else’s butt ugly furniture.
What time is it? Have I had fun yet?
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Department Of Pubic Service Announcements
Thanks to my alert cousin and Idaho resident, DF, for passing along this vital information:
Please, take care of yourself out on the roads this New Year’s Eve.
A recent joint study conducted by the Idaho Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who drink bottled water, coffee, soda, juice, energy drinks, and stuff like that.
So beware of those who do not drink alcohol – they cause three times as many accidents.
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Department Of Sudden Realizations
This is my last post for 2017. Can’t decide if that’s worthy of this
Or this
Hint: when in doubt, always choose the Hawaiian happy face spider.
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Department Of Righting Wrongs At The Last Minute
Can it be that I have almost let 2017 pass without having posted a single link to a screaming goat video?
You are so, so welcome.
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May your New Year’s Eve activities be the envy of 1950’s valium-addicted housewives;
May your New Year’s resolutions be amusing if not attainable;
May you always appreciate the synergy of Bon Jovi hair music and screaming goats;
…and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Happy New Year, y’all, and Au Vendredi!
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[1] The week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve/Day.
[2] Not possible, yethinks? Oh you of little mathematical imagination. I’d received one invitation, which was later rescinded (don’t feel too sorry for me – the event was cancelled. Or so I was told…hmmmm….)
[3] And polishing furniture, even my own? Something I Just. Don’t. Do.
[4] Or anemic bathroom night light, depending on my disposition.
