Department Of Feeling Guilty In Yoga Class
The instructor began Monday’s class as she usually does – going around the studio room and having each student to give their name and briefly describe how they are feeling and/or list any pose requests or “anything that needs attention.” (common responses include requests for core work, or poses targeting shoulders, or lower backs sore from weekend gardening sprees…) One yogi [1] requested something for “mood elevation.” As the instructor paused to consider the request, I could feel (in whatever part of my brain is responsible for involuntary movements) my arm beginning to rise. I quickly quashed my incipient pick me pick me hand-wave, because I realized I was about to blurt out, “I could tell you an elephant fart joke!”
Wisely, moiself kept that to myself. I didn’t want a fellow student to think I was mocking or in any way making light of her need for mood elevation…but I swear, that’s the first thing that came to my mind.
No doubt there are some exercises/yoga poses that might provide more long term mood ascension; still, when stuck in the here and now, how can you maintain a melancholy disposition when you hear an elephant fart joke?
This is “elephant’s trunk pose” (Eka Hasta Bhujasana). Farting not necessary (but certainly appreciated).
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Department Of Thank You For That Image Which Is Now Seared In My Brain
Two yoga class stories in one post?
Dateline: same day, same class. [2] Our instructor led the class into utkatasana, aka, “chair pose,” and offered us this tip as for how to your weight back toward your feels while moving into the pose:
“…imagine you’re in one of those Porta potty’s,
and you don’t want to touch the seat…”
This is chair pose.
This is not chair pose.
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Department Of Baby’s First Christmas [3]
Dateline: Manzanita, Oregon, last weekend. Yeah, I know it’s a dog friendly town but…
Walking on west on the town’s main street, heading for the beach, a young married couple [4] approached me, slowly walking east. The women held the leash of an enthusiastic black Labrador, while the man held the hand of a toddling toddler, who – wait for it – toddled very slowly beside him. The woman was pointing to various holiday decorations adoring street lamps and shop windows, saying in a sing-song, high-pitched, kindergartner teacher voice, Oh look at the bright star! Do you see the bright star? And there’s a wreath – that’s a Christmas wreath of lights. The man joins in, saying “See the sparkly lights?!”
I think, awww, how cute…until, observing the woman’s and then the man’s eyes as they gaze down adoringly at the smaller being in their midst look, I realize they are pointing out these sites to their dog, and not their child.
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Department Of Just What I Want To Hear Before My Birthday
Heretofore friendly/perky checkout clerk at the store:
“Would you like some out with your items?”
Moiself:
“No, thank you…well…
only if you have some cute box boys who need something to do…”
Clerk (unsmilingly):
“Oh, I’m afraid they’re way too young for you.”
Moiself, audibly:
“Hahahahahah have a nice day….”
Moiself, for my ears only:
“And by have a nice day I mean….
I’d like to buy a vowel….
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Department Of Doing Double Duty
So, you need a new wallet. Why settle for a run of the mill, small folding case to hold paper money, your photo id, credit cards et al when you can have that which also functions as a personal enhancement device?
Laugh, will you? As usual, the unvarnished truth can be found online, in this case via a description for a wallet with seemingly magical powers:
It helps you become more attractive and glamorous. The compact and elegant styles of this wallet make you outstanding and unique from others.
Tell me again how my wallet makes me glamorous.
* * *
May your natural glamour and attractiveness be independent from your wallet style;
May the spirit of the holiday season prevent you from bitch-slapping humorless, impudent store clerks into next week;
May you find an excuse to share an elephant fart joke in yoga class;
…and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
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[1] Someone who does yoga.
[2] But, alas, no footnote.
[3] Also no footnote here. Move along, folks.
[4] I assumed. Referring to being married, not young. I mean, the young part was obvious.
