The Blog I'm Not Writing

Department Of First Things First

IT”S ABOUT FUCKING TIME !!!!!

(and yes, the photo is edited as I refused to have that pathetic criminal’s face take up space in my blog).

Here’s to the first of many oindictments to come, and all seriously overdue.

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Department Of The Return Of The Blue Sailors

These perplexing (to many Oregon coast visitors) creatures are commonly referred to as vellas, but their full species title is Velella vella.  When you have such a cool name, why not have it twice?

A small (~ 7 cm in length), deep blue-bodied, plankton-eating hydrozoa, vellas  are surface floaters.  They’ve a small, stiff “sail” which moves them over the surface of the ocean, leaving them at the mercy of wind and currents.  Depending on those two sea forces, vellas  can get stranded on the beach, where they die off en masse (and their blue fades/gets bleached to white, leading some folk to think there are two different species, or colors, of vellas) and clog the beach for a day or so until subsequent tides wash them back out to sea.

This mass stranding happens yearly on the Oregon coast, where vellas have acquired a variety of nicknames,    [1]   including what-the-hell-are-those-things?  Moiself  just calls them the blue sailors.  Some years they seem to blanket the beach.

 

 

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Department Of The Wonders Of American And World Music

Dateline: Wednesday evening, near the end of one of the best house concerts MH and I have ever attended. The duo we saw are singer/songwriters: Evie Ladin is a guitarist and banjoist steeped in the American/traditional music genres;  Keith Terry plays standup base, and both are also accomplished cloggers, “percussive dancers,” and “body musicians.”

Body music involves incorporate body slaps as both percussive and musical accompaniments (e.g. “hamboning”  [2] ):

“Body music, also known as body percussion or body drumming, is a fascinating amalgam of composition and choreography. The music creates the shapes and patterns of the dance; the dance makes the sounds and rhythms of the music resulting in visible music/audible dance….”
(from “Music you can see; dance you can hear,” kekeca.net )

 

 Keith Terry (center) at the International Body Music Festival

 

It’s difficult to describe what a unique and immersive listening and watching experience Ladin and Terry provided; I urge y’all to see them if you can (check their schedule -they tour as Evie Ladin Band, here) .

Near the end of their performance, after they’d performed a particularly dynamic body music number,  they asked if anyone in the audience had any questions.  Moiself  of course did:  I couldn’t help but wonder if this – I proceeded to mime the armpit fart maneuver – counted as body music?  Terry said that as a matter of fact it does, and that there is a rich tradition of it in Ethiopia, although the Ethiopians don’t call it “fart music” (I replied that 12-year-old Ethiopians probably did)  but rather, armpit music.” And after the show we spoke privately, and he earnestly urged me to google “Ethiopian armpit music.”

Which I did:

 

 

 

And look – it’s not just for Ethiopians anymore!

 

 

 

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Department Of It’s Inevitable

Recently I received yet another email in which, underneath the sender’s sign off, there was the person’s stated pronoun preference, ala:

Beula Gertrude Bransfrøgsdattir
she/her

A part of me both dreads and anticipates the occasion wherein moiself  will be requested (or required) to state the same.  And if I’m requested to provide my “preferred” pronouns, in order to answer honestly, I will have to list

Robyn Parnell
She/Her Royal Awesomeness The Fabulous Miss Scarlett Johansson    [3]

 

 

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Department Of Calling This Hunter
Dumpster-Fire-For-A-Soul Doesn’t Even Begin To Cover It

Just hearing about this incident this week, via North County News:

“A subject shooting into a herd of elk near Nehalem killed one and mortally wounded at least three others in January, while illegally shooting from a road, and in the direction Hwy 101.
The 66-year-old subject blamed “elk fever” when he self-reported the incident….”
(“Subject Mortally Wounds At Least Four Elk After Shooting Into Herd” )

Elk fever.   So, the sight of these magnificent creatures sent Dumpster-Fire-For-A-Soul into a killing frenzy? 

 

 

Intrepid sportsman that he is, DFFAS shot from his car “…in the direction of the highway.” Oh…myyyyyyyyy….

Along the Oregon coast where MH and I spend a good deal of time there are at least two resident herds of elk near us – one in Manzanita/Nehalem area.  The elk roam daily, trying to find the best remaining grazing territories, and you can often see them hanging out near the highway (101), along with the cars which have slowed down and/or pulled over to the side of the road, to admire the sight and take pictures.

That bloodthirsty, festering turd of an excuse for a human being irresponsible DFFAS could just as easily hit one of those cars, or one of the people inside them, or anyone driving or walking along the highway.  The rifle he used, a .308 “sniper rifle,” has a “zeroed range of from 300-600 yards” and can target up to 1000 yards. 

Meanwhile, DFFAS left three elk to die in agony (two were tracked, “assessed,” and put down by sheriff’s deputies; the third mortally wounded elk was last seen trying to escape in the Nehalem River, where she presumably drowned).

Sometimes I really don’t like my species.

 

 

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Department Of Ick Of The Week
Sub Department Of The Podcast I Just Deleted From My Feed

As if your average US citizen needs another encouragement to mask their moods and alter their brains with more chemicals….

Dateline:  Tuesday 7 am-ish, getting ready for a morning walk, scrolling through my podcast feed.  Oh, lookey: there’s a new (to me) Disgraceland, an episode on Lou Reed.  That might be entertaining.

I never found out. The podcast host did something which had me reaching for delete.  He read a commercial from one of his podcast’s sponsors (emphases mine):

“Hey everybody, so you’ve probably heard about micro dosing and you’ve probably wondered, ‘What could it do for me?’  [4]
Just know that all sorts of people are micro-dosing daily to relax, to perform better, to feel better, and for so many other reasons.
Our show today is sponsored by Microdose Gummies.  Microdose Gummies deliver *perfect*, entry-level doses of THC that help you feel *just* the right amount of good.
Sometimes, as a creative person, you need some other sort of inspiration….”

 

 

Yet again, moiself  digresses.  The ad continued:

“When I’m recording an episode of Disgraceland sometimes it’s hard to focus and be creative; I might be feeling distracted, uninspired…half a Microdose Gummie to relax and get centered is just enough for me, just enough to spark some creativity, not so much that I feel hazy or spacey.  Microdose is available nationwide; to learn more about micro dosing THC go to microdose.com and use code Disgraceland…”

Sometimes,  as a creative person, I need a barf bucket to contain my disgust with sleazebag tactics which use the “as a creative person” appeal to push (legal or otherwise)  untested and unregulated mind-altering substances.

Feeling “hard to focus” or “distracted/uninspired”?  Go for a walk; get outside; get some fresh air.  Take a break; put on your favorite music and make yourself a cup of tea.  Get out of the house/office, talk to a friend.  If you are seriously concerned about your mood/attitude then make an appointment with a licensed medical/mental health care professional (someone with credentials other than “podcaster”) for behavioral modification recommendations.    [5]

Holy effin’ bong water brains:  people will fall for (and sell) any kind of crap.

 

 

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Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week    [6]

 

 

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May you check into a mental health facility should you come down with elk fever;
May you aspire to greatness with your preferred pronouns;
May you understand that truly creative people manage to be so despite pharmaceutical enhancement, not because of it (think, armpit music !);
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

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[1] Sailor-by-the-sea; sea raft, by-the-wind sailor; purple sail; little sail; mini-man-o-war;

[2] a style of dance involving stomping and slapping various parts of your body – a style found in cultures all over the world but most familiar to Americans via the descendants of enslaved Africans who performed the art during the vaudevillian age.

[3] Damn right it’s going to get me in trouble.

[4] Yes to the first “probably”; HA HA HA HA HA HA nope to the second.

[5] and/or pharmaceutical, which should never be the first choice.

[6] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org