I don’t have a Bucket List ® . I do have, in the dusty corners of my mind, a file of some things I want to do before I die…but not right before I die. That is, I don’t want to do them, and then die.
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Speaking of hallucinogens…
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, an evangelical Christian and son of a Baptist preacher, regularly references his reliance on and so-called relationship with his god and has used his political platform to promote his beliefs. This has led to “The cutest press release we’ve ever issued”, according to FFRF co-president Annie Laurie Gaynor, which refers to the “genius action by one of our members” as per following story.
In January Gov. Walker told a group of Wisconsin bankers that he will only run for president if he felt “called” to run. His many statements about how he feels instructed by his deity to make political decisions include his statement to the Madison Christian Business Association that by the age of 13 Walker had “…realized “I’m going to trust in you, Christ, to tell me where to go.”  Since Walker has taken the steps prospective candidates take in launching a presidential bid, one can assume that Walker feels instructed by his god to run for president.
Thus, a cheeky Wisconsin state member of the Freedom From From Religion Foundation felt called by the forces of reason and rationality to file an open records request as per the state’s Public Records Law:
“Since your terms as Governor, please provide a copy/transcript of all communications with God, the Lord, Christ, Jesus or any other form of deity.”
Despite the fact that the various incarnations of the Christian deity  have rarely if ever seemed to be press-shy – at least if you count the actions of their followers – the governor’s staff admitted there is no evidence for governor-deity consultation. The official response to the records request came from the Office of the Governor’s legal counsel, which confirmed that no such records exist.
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But wait – there’s more!
The Christian deity may be press-shy for a mere governor, but for renowned astrophysicist and Hayden Planetarium Director and Cosmos host, Neil deGrasse Tyson ? Oy vey and fire away:
Interviewer NGT: “God, it’s great having you on StarTalk, I’ve been after you for a couple of years to do this, you finally made some time in your busy schedule, so thanks.”
God: “It’s my pleasure, I’m a big fan, Neil. May I call you Neil?”
NGT: “Neil is fine.”
God: “Would you be willing to actually kneel?”
NGT: “Uh, there’s no ‘k’ in my name. And the answer’s no.”
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Department of Is it Equanimity, or is it Valium?
Wednesday night, circa dinner time, making a last minute run to the nearest market to pick up some I-forgot-these items, I spotted a man walking up and down the aisles of the store, accompanied by his (presumed) daughters, guestimated ages 6 and 3. The three year old was totally losing her shit; daddy remained calm, with an almost disturbingly serene smile on his face, despite being the recipient of many lasered, why won’t he do something about that? stares from unsympathetic adults.
I’d like to take this moment to thank Belle and K for being such relatively easy kids to raise. No matter what they did at home, they mostly held it together in public places.
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Department of Simple Pleasures
I love being able to use my MS Word Add Words To Your Spell Check Dictionary feature for terms like “wedgie.”
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Department of How You Know When It’s Time to Quit
Dateline: Monday morning, ~ 6:58 am, out for my morning Nordic walk. I detected an unfortunately familiar scent on the cool morning breeze, my head instinctively if disgustingly turning toward the direction of the smell, to confirm that it was yet another of another husband/wife banished to the porch/garage for their morning nicotine fix. This time it was a man, slouched on a lawnchair on his front porch, wearing tennis shoes and a too-small (his wife’s?) pink terrycloth robe.
The very next (Tuesday) morning, the very same smell, the very same turn of my head, only it’s a double turn, as in double take. This time, it’s a woman at the same house, sitting in the same chair on same porch, and she’s wearing the same ratty pink robe. She takes a deep drag on her fag and I’m thinking, ah, how cute, it’s the shared smoking robe.
Wednesday morning – nah. I took a different route. I was a smidge curious (would there be a third wearer of the smoking robe?), but, there are so few mysteries left in life….
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Department of I Still Can’t Get Over This
The past few years…decades…have shown us that far too many  Republican legislators have an obsession with women’s reproductive systems. Surprisingly—NOT – these same lady-business-is-my-business conservative whackadoodles seem to have little understanding of how the human body is constructed and actually functions. Time and time again, their rhetoric indicates they wouldn’t know an actual female reproductive system from the proverbial hole in the ground.
Latest pathetic example: State Rep. Vito Barbieri (R – Idaho) apparently thinks a woman’s stomach is connected to her vagina.
Really. I may be a fiction writer but I can’t make up shit like this.
Whhile questioning a physician who was testifying against an Idaho State house anti-abortion bill, Representative aren’t-you-glad-my-salary-is-paid-by-my-constituent’s-tax-dollars Barbieri, whose intellect is evidently only rivaled by Idaho’s famous potatoes, asked the doctor “if women could simply swallow a camera in order for doctors to perform remote gynecological exams.”
I’m going to suggest Rep. Barbieri simply use a suppository camera so neurologists can perform a remote scan of his brain.
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He no play-da-game. He no make-a-da rules!
(variously attributed to several politicians and/or public officials, referring to the Pope’s stricture against contraception)
May you only play the games where every player agrees to the rules,
and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
 Go ask Alice, when she’s ten feel tall.
 As quoted in Freethought radio broadcast
 Yahweh, Jehovah, Jesus, Jesus Christ, The Holy Ghost,
 The correct number of legislators would be zero.