Department Of Why Didn’t I Think Of That Comeback?
“When a man says to you, ‘You’re prettier when you smile,’ tell him,
‘I’m prettiest when I’m dismantling the patriarchy which made you think
hat my face owes you anything.’ ”
More smash the patriarchy tips from Rev. Karla.
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Department Of An Extraordinary Quote From An Extraordinary Interview
That interview can be found on the recent Hidden Brain podcast, wherein host Shankar Vedantam speaks with U of Michigan School of Public Health researcher Victor Stretcher. Stretcher explains how he strives to understand the connections between the changes he made in his own life after his daughter’s death, and the things he is studying as a scientist, including looking into the science of purpose, transcending values, [1] and emotional regulation strategies.
( Daniel Goleman is American psychologist and science journalist [2] )
From the HB website, the intro to Hidden Brain: What Is Your Life For?:
“…At every age and every stage, many of us are intimidated by the question of what we should do with the remaining days we have left….A lifespan of a few decades is but a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of the planet to say nothing of the universe. How can we spend this time meaningfully?
This week on Hidden Brain…we explore the science of finding a life that is meaningful. There is no one-size-fits-all answer for everyone. But there are scientifically tested ideas about how we can feel more in harmony with ourselves and the world….”
Excerpts from the podcast:
Victor Strecher:
“People with transcending values have less activation in a part of the brain that relates to fear and aggression called the amygdala. They have more activation in a part of the brain that relates to long-term orientation, a future orientation, and that’s called the ventral medial prefrontal cortex….”
Shankar Vedantam:
“…Your research has found that people with a greater sense of purpose employ different emotion regulation strategies than people who have a weaker sense of purpose….why are they [emotion regulation strategies] important?
Strecher:
“…we all have stressors in our lives, right? All of us.
And the question really is, how do you cope with those stressors?
Turns out that of 16 coping strategies that we looked at, strategies like drinking alcohol or eating too much or venting, were negatively associated with sense of purpose. Whereas seeing a big picture, knowing this won’t last forever, taking walks in nature…were strongly associated with a sense of purpose. And along with that, emotional self-regulation….”
Stretcher illustrates emotional self-regulation by sharing a story told to him by a colleague, whose son has a five-year old child who attends a Montessori school. [3] One day the child comes home from school, and for whatever reasons, he and his father start getting in a big argument…
Stretcher:
“…and they’re almost yelling at each other…finally, the five-year-old child says, ‘You know what? I’m gonna change my own weather.’ And suddenly they have an adult conversation.
And I was thinking, I wish a lot of senior leaders had that ability to change their own weather, going from cloudy to sunny….what that requires…is a sense of understanding what your emotion is, and also having the agency to be able to change it.”
Yeah, all of the above, to get to that (quote from a child). But, what a that is that.
“I’m gonna change my own weather.”
What a remarkable metaphor, image, strategy – for anyone, let alone a five-year old child.
( Pema Chodron is American Buddhist teacher and author. )
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Department Of A Blast From The Past
Dateline: January. New Year; new project: taking an excerpt from a past blog, from the same time frame (the second Friday of whatever month). Perhaps moiself will like this enough that it will turn out to be a regular blog feature for 2025. So far it has, but time, and my capacity for reruns, will tell.
This journey down memory lane is related to the most convincing reason a YOU-of-all-people-should-write-a-blog-why-aren’t-you-writing-a-blog?!?!?! [4] friend gave me, all those years ago, [5] as to why I should be writing a blog: a blog would serve as a journal of sorts for my life. Journal/diary-resistant moiself would have some sort of a record, or at least a random sampling, of what was on my mind – and possibly what was on the nation’s mind – during a certain period of time.
Now I can, for example, look back to the second Friday of a years-ago July to see what I was thinking. (or as MH put it, WHAT was I thinking!?!? )
The blast is going to the way back – to when the blog was but ten months old. Here is an excerpt from my blog of 7-12-13 ( The Phrase I’m Not Saving ).
RESCUE 911
“We’re lost in the woods, and need an extra large with mushrooms and double cheese…and a helicopter, please.”
Join our thrilling, reality-based series, during which MH and I discover our son’s true concerns should we ever end up lost or injured in the wilderness.
Dateline: Sunday, July 7. MH and I planned on driving up to Vancouver, WA to go hiking on a new (to us) trail. We invited son K, who declined. [6]
As I was lacing up my boots I informed K of our destination, and told him I was leaving a map of the trail on my computer. I decided to test his hiking/outdoor recreation, Buddy system safety awareness [7] by asking him,
“So, what would you do if we did not return by a certain time?”
“What time?” K asked.
“Absolutely, by dinner time,” I clarified. “But we should be back way before that.”
“Well…” K steepled his fingers in front of his face in a Mr. Spock-like pose of thoughtfulness. “I haven’t been to Pizza Schmizza in a while….
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Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week [8]
“ ‘Life doesn’t need purpose, purpose needs life.’
A religious believer acting as a slave to her deity isn’t actually purpose-driven in any sense we should admire, because the purpose is someone else’s and is often taken up under threat or by bribery. A mind free of superstition and servility is necessary for a fulfilling life…. as a non-believer, your purpose resides in yourself; it is yours alone to discover and develop. It’s about choosing to live your own life for your own reasons. No one can dictate your purpose. You decide.
Freely choosing to help and cooperate with others is the true path to finding purpose. Life does not need purpose: Purpose needs life.”
( Dan Barker, musician, composer, former evangelical Christian minister, co-president of
Freedom From Religion Foundation; excerpts from his book, The Good Atheist )
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May you have the self-awareness to change your own weather;
May your purpose be your life;
May you look absolutely fabulous while dismantling the patriarchy;
…and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
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[1] Transcending values are core principles which move beyond self-interest and personal desires and needs, and are typified by a concern for the welfare of people other than our selves or our inner circle (family/neighbors/friends/co-workers). Transcending values focus on broader ideals, such as seeking the well-being of all people (and non-human species, for ethical vegans, for example) contributing to the betterment of the human condition, casting aside tribal beliefs and concerns to focus on the larger ideals of truth, justice, (and the American way calm down, Superman ), compassion and altruism.
[2] Goleman is best known for popularizing the concept of emotional intelligence.
[3] Montessori schools are known for teaching children emotional regulation skills.
[4] I was adamant about not writing a blog…thus, the title of the blog I eventually decided to write.
[5] Was it really over twelve years ago?
[6] There were, as always, aliens to be battled in cyberspace. (at the time of the post K was age 20, home from college for the summer).
[7] Always inform friends and family about your trip itinerary, ideally include a map and tell someone where you are going and when you expect to return….
[8] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists. No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.” Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org
