Those seven words are from a Clear + Vivid podcast moiself heard several weeks back. The subject was…many subjects. It’s an episode I can’t find now – which Ifindironic in that one of the episode’s topics was discerning regular/age-related forgetting v. dementia-type forgetting. The podcast’s guest explained why, for example, I can tell you what I had for dinner eight *years* ago on a warm summer evening with my daughter in Paris bistro, but I likely can’t remember what I had for dinner eight weeks (or even days) ago.
There is a science (as in, cognitive strategies) to make meaningful memories at any age. However, as C+V host Alan Alda and his guess discussed, people would rather have the science behind such discoveries lead to a Magic Pill® to boost memory (or anything else). This is because – surprise! – we evolved to be…well…effing lazy. [3]
* * *
Department Of Mark Your Calendars:
“You keep accusing me of blasphemy all of the time,
but I cannot be convicted of a victimless crime.”
First things first: get the silly Old Testament proscriptions out of the way:
Eli, Saul – y ‘all heard? Life is great; nothing’s unclean! Shrimp rolls, anyone?
In the spirit of ecumenicism, a gentle dig at those gentle Zen Buddhists:
Get real, Grasshopper The sound of one hand clapping Sounds just like one clap
I’ll kill two birds with one stone in this swipe at a tenet of many forms of Hinduism
and Buddhism and – wait, make that three birds! – the New Age/past lives crowd:
Reincarnation? Right – get a life! But next time Come back with some proof
And of course, no Blasphemy Day contest would be complete without a California surfer’s
take on the Christian sacrilege that was heliocentric theory:
Telescope; awesome. So, like, we spin around them? Copernicus, dude!
For several years there have been Blasphemy Day t-shirt slogan contests, inspired in part by a United Nations resolution meant to pacify uber-sensitive Islamists. But that resolution was the very reason I took a “why bother/what’s the point?” attitude toward composing a Blasphemy Day slogan (or even haiku) for Islam. I mean, considering the possible reactions, who is going to wear a shirt poking fun at something that mandates death to fun-pokers?
The oft-quoted [7]Robert Ingersoll was one of the most notable orators and speechmakers and civil rights activists of his time (post-Civil War America)…yet few remember him today. Trained as an attorney, ’twas his oratory tours – speaking on topics as wide-ranging as Reconstruction period to Shakespearean literature to religion to science – that made him famous. He was…”the friend of Presidents, literary giants like Mark Twain, captains of industry like Andrew Carnegie, and leading figures in the arts. He was also beloved of reformers like Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Other Americans considered themselves his enemies, (as he bitterly opposed the Religious Right of his day. He was an early popularizer of Charles Darwin and a tireless advocate of science and reason. More, he argued for the rights of women and African-Americans. Ingersoll also praised the virtues of family and fireside. And he practiced what he preached. Contemporary sources say Ingersoll enjoyed almost idyllic contentment in family life. Opponents frequently despaired of finding anything to disparage in his personal life.” [8]
* * *
May you value your daily habits more than your magic pills; May you prize making memories over conserving energy; May your opponents despair of finding anything to disparage in your personal life; …and may the hijinks ensue.
[2] Translation: Nurture once again trumps nature, in that your lifestyle – your daily habits, from what you eat, how much you sleep, how you move through the world) are more impactful on your health and longevity than any magic pill ever will or could.
[3] “We evolved to conserve energy” – sounds more respectable, doesn’t it?
[6] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists. No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.” Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org
Department Of Why Didn’t I Think Of That Comeback?
“When a man says to you, ‘You’re prettier when you smile,’ tell him, ‘I’m prettiest when I’m dismantling the patriarchy which made you think hat my face owes you anything.’ ”
Department Of An Extraordinary Quote From An Extraordinary Interview
That interview can be found on the recent Hidden Brain podcast, wherein host Shankar Vedantam speaks with U of Michigan School of Public Health researcher Victor Stretcher. Stretcher explains how he strives to understand the connections between the changes he made in his own life after his daughter’s death, and the things he is studying as a scientist, including looking into the science of purpose, transcending values, [1] and emotional regulation strategies.
( Daniel Goleman is American psychologist and science journalist [2])
“…At every age and every stage, many of us are intimidated by the question of what we should do with the remaining days we have left….A lifespan of a few decades is but a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of the planet to say nothing of the universe. How can we spend this time meaningfully? This week on Hidden Brain…we explore the science of finding a life that is meaningful. There is no one-size-fits-all answer for everyone. But there are scientifically tested ideas about how we can feel more in harmony with ourselves and the world….”
Excerpts from the podcast:
Victor Strecher: “People with transcending values have less activation in a part of the brain that relates to fear and aggression called the amygdala. They have more activation in a part of the brain that relates to long-term orientation, a future orientation, and that’s called the ventral medial prefrontal cortex….”
Shankar Vedantam: “…Your research has found that people with a greater sense of purpose employ different emotion regulation strategies than people who have a weaker sense of purpose….why are they [emotion regulation strategies] important?
Strecher: “…we all have stressors in our lives, right? All of us.
And the question really is, how do you cope with those stressors? Turns out that of 16 coping strategies that we looked at, strategies like drinking alcohol or eating too much or venting, were negatively associated with sense of purpose. Whereas seeing a big picture, knowing this won’t last forever, taking walks in nature…were strongly associated with a sense of purpose. And along with that, emotional self-regulation….”
Stretcher illustrates emotional self-regulation by sharing a story told to him by a colleague, whose son has a five-year old child who attends a Montessori school. [3] One day the child comes home from school, and for whatever reasons, he and his father start getting in a big argument…
Stretcher: “…and they’re almost yelling at each other…finally, the five-year-old child says, ‘You know what? I’m gonna change my own weather.’ And suddenly they have an adult conversation. And I was thinking, I wish a lot of senior leaders had that ability to change their own weather, going from cloudy to sunny….what that requires…is a sense of understanding what your emotion is, and also having the agency to be able to change it.”
Yeah, all of the above, to get to that (quote from a child). But, what a that is that.
“I’m gonna change my own weather.”
What a remarkable metaphor, image, strategy – for anyone, let alone a five-year old child.
( Pema Chodron is American Buddhist teacher and author. )
* * *
Department Of A Blast From The Past
Dateline: January. New Year; new project: taking an excerpt from a past blog, from the same time frame (the second Friday of whatever month). Perhaps moiself will like this enough that it will turn out to be a regular blog feature for 2025. So far it has, but time, and my capacity for reruns, will tell.
This journey down memory lane is related to the most convincing reason a YOU-of-all-people-should-write-a-blog-why-aren’t-you-writing-a-blog?!?!?! [4] friend gave me, all those years ago, [5] as to why I should be writing a blog: a blog would serve as a journal of sorts for my life. Journal/diary-resistant moiself would have some sort of a record, or at least a random sampling, of what was on my mind – and possibly what was on the nation’s mind – during a certain period of time.
Now I can, for example, look back to the second Friday of a years-ago July to see what I was thinking. (or as MH put it, WHAT was I thinking!?!? )
The blast is going to the way back – to when the blog was but ten months old. Here is an excerpt from my blog of 7-12-13 ( The Phrase I’m Not Saving ).
RESCUE 911 “We’re lost in the woods, and need an extra large with mushrooms and double cheese…and a helicopter, please.”
Join our thrilling, reality-based series, during which MH and I discover our son’s true concerns should we ever end up lost or injured in the wilderness.
Dateline: Sunday, July 7. MH and I planned on driving up to Vancouver, WA to go hiking on a new (to us) trail. We invited son K, who declined. [6]
As I was lacing up my boots I informed K of our destination, and told him I was leaving a map of the trail on my computer. I decided to test his hiking/outdoor recreation, Buddy system safety awareness [7] by asking him,
“So, what would you do if we did not return by a certain time?”
“What time?” K asked.
“Absolutely, by dinner time,” I clarified. “But we should be back waybefore that.”
“Well…” K steepled his fingers in front of his face in a Mr. Spock-like pose of thoughtfulness. “I haven’t been to Pizza Schmizza in a while….
“ ‘Life doesn’t need purpose, purpose needs life.’ A religious believer acting as a slave to her deity isn’t actually purpose-driven in any sense we should admire, because the purpose is someone else’s and is often taken up under threat or by bribery. A mind free of superstition and servility is necessary for a fulfilling life…. as a non-believer, your purpose resides in yourself; it is yours alone to discover and develop. It’s about choosing to live your own life for your own reasons. No one can dictate your purpose. You decide. Freely choosing to help and cooperate with others is the true path to finding purpose. Life does not need purpose: Purpose needs life.”
May you have the self-awareness to change your own weather; May your purpose be your life; May you look absolutely fabulous while dismantling the patriarchy; …and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
* * *
[1] Transcending values are core principles which move beyond self-interest and personal desires and needs, and are typified by a concern for the welfare of people other than our selves or our inner circle (family/neighbors/friends/co-workers). Transcending values focus on broader ideals, such as seeking the well-being of all people (and non-human species, for ethical vegans, for example) contributing to the betterment of the human condition, casting aside tribal beliefs and concerns to focus on the larger ideals of truth, justice, (and the American way calm down, Superman ), compassion and altruism.
[6] There were, as always, aliens to be battled in cyberspace. (at the time of the post K was age 20, home from college for the summer).
[7] Always inform friends and family about your trip itinerary, ideally include a map and tell someone where you are going and when you expect to return….
[8] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists. No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.” Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org
Dateline: Monday, ~ 7:50 am, out for my morning walk. On my way back home I approach a path that cuts through a local park. The path starts near a sidewalk which is a school bus stop for one of the local high schools. Three groups of kids wait at the stop:
* two Latino boys to the far right of the sidewalk, their laughter carrying a block away.
* three girls “in the middle” of the sidewalk, about ten feet away from the boys, are talking with each other. The girls, who appear to be Asian and Latina, are slim, fashionably dressed, and gorgeous.
* and one…well, not a group, but one student stands far to the left of the others. The one is a very tall, very chubby, very white and very lonely looking boy, hair and clothing by Nerdstyle. His gaze is fixed downward at his ratty, generic sneakers.
The dynamic seemed obvious.
One of the girls glances over her shoulder at Lonely Boy. She looks back at her group, at the other two boys, then leaves her friends and sidles over to Lonely Boy. As I approach and pass by them I hear her ask him about his project.[1] I also catch the look on Lonely Boy’s face – the shy but noticeable, hopeful, gleam in his eyes.
Someone is paying attention to me.
The act and consequence, however fleeting, of a moment of connection and kindness…. It stayed with me the rest of the day.
* * *
The preceding warm fuzzy was brought to by The Treacledown Theory. We return you to our regular shit-talking programming.
* * *
Department of Burning Bridges
This week I received the following offer for publication:
First, let me apologize for the serious delay in my response. Second, we would love to publish “____________” (name of my story) in ___________ (journal name), for publication in 2016. I understand there is a good likelihood this piece been picked up elsewhere. Please let me know if it’s still available. Thanks so much for your submission. ____________(Editor name)
I had long ago written off that submission (which I do with any submitted work when the editors have not replied within their journal’s stated length-of-reply period) as an assumed rejection.
The story Redacted Journal Name wants to publish was sent to them, by moiself, in January 2012. No, that is not a typo. Longest reply ever. One thousand fifty-four days to consider a 3000 word story. [2] Also, this journal “pays” their contributors only in copies of said journal. [3]
I think I’ll wait…oh, maybe three years or so…to decline their generous offer.
* * *
More From The Wacky World o’ Literature Files
I’ve been a writer for some time, submitting my work, having it be both accepted and rejected. In years of doing so I’ve had many Interesting Experiences, ® and two Standout Experiences this week alone (one of which is the afore-mentioned longest reply ever).
Interesting Experiences include having manuscripts returned to me that I neither submitted nor penned. That is, I’d sent a manuscript of mine to a publisher, and that publisher returned to me a manuscript that was not mine – one that had been submitted to the same publisher, by another author.
Really.
These mistakes I found both amusing (okay, my manuscript was not right for you, but you couldn’t just say “No, thanks,” – you had to send me someone else’s rejected work?) and alarming (Yikes – is this the attentive care you take with all of your submissions?).
In each case of errant manuscript return, the other authors’ last names also started with a P or were vaguely similar to mine (I assume the errors were blamed on overworked or alphabetically-challenged editorial assistants). After alerting the publishers of their respective mishaps, at their request I destroyed the manuscripts…but not before reading the opening pages or chapters, [4] and doing so has given me a high appreciation of what publishers and editors must wade through on a daily basis, and an even higher suspicion of self-published works. [5]
So. On to this week’s Standout Experience #2.
Never have I been addressed as Mrs., nor have I ever used that title, either personally or professionally. This week I received a reply to a query, from a publisher who addressed me as Mrs. Parnell. That is something I’d expect from junk mail/catalog come-ons, not from a publisher…who, BTW, who knows nothing of my marital status, which should be irrelevant in professional correspondence, anyway.
Professionally or personally, it is wrong to refer to me as Mrs. Parnell. I have been, and always shall be your friend. Dammit, Spock – cease the mind meld at once!
Live long and apologize when necessary.
I’ll try that again. I have been, and always shall be, Ms.-Parnell-please-call-me-Robyn.
MH, renegade trendsetter that he is, kept his birth surname when we married. So did I. I have never been a Mrs. Anyname.
In over twenty-seven years, editors and publishers have always addressed me as Ms. Parnell. It just struck me as…odd. I was annoyed by that salutation coming from a publisher, then annoyed by my own annoyance.
Now that I have Mr. Shaw’s permission, I shall spice my conversation:
Our purpose in life isn’t outsourced. (Robyn Parnell, re how the religion-free create meaning in life)
“…all ministers are slave-traders – all Christian ministers (Paul called himself a slave, Jesus said you should become captive and you should submit and deny yourself ). They are preaching a backward message about life and about purpose.” (excerpt from an interview with Dan Barker, Freethought Today radio podcast, 3-14-15 [6])
Yep, that’s Freedom From Religion Foundation co-president Dan Barker, himself a former evangelical minister, referring to megachurch pastor Rick Warren and other such pastors as slave-traders, in an interview about Barker’s new book, Life Driven Purpose. LDP, published by Pitchstone Publishing, aims to be “the first atheist book shelved in the inspirational section” of bookstores.
According to Barker, the whole point of the book is to “flip everything around,” as per the message from books like the Rev. Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life, and other “inspirational” titles which claim people cannot have a life of meaning without (their particular brand of) religion. More excerpts from Barker’s interview:
The good news in a nutshell is that there is no purpose of life – and that is great news! Because if there’s a purpose of life, that means we are secondary; we’re having to look up somewhere for someone to hand it to us – ‘here’s what you are’ – we’re like slaves, we’re like servants to whoever this boss is, as the Bible teaches. But the really great news is that although there is no purpose of life – and we shouldn’t want there to be, because life is its own reward – that doesn’t mean that there’s no purpose in life…. Atheists and nonbelievers have immense purpose in our lives….
“I think we atheists are truly in-spired, while (religious) believers are out-spired. They don’t have any in-spiration; they have to get it all from someone outside of themselves telling them, ‘Here’s your marching orders; here’s your rules to live, don’t think for yourselves – it’s not about you,’ like Rick Warren says. We atheists and non-believers find purpose and meaning, we create purpose and meaning within ourselves.”
Whenever I run across a reference to Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life, I find myself wondering what purpose drove Warren when he visited Uganda in 2008, where he supported Ugandan Anglican’s bishops in their boycott of other Anglican’s support for LGBT/human rights and declared that “homosexuality is not a natural way of life and thus is not a human right,” after which the Anti-Homosexuality Bill (originally called the “Kill the Gays Bill”) was introduced in the Ugandan parliament. [7]
Anyway….
Dan Barker’s book will be released in April, and can be pre-ordered from the usual outlets.
* * *
Department of There Needs to Be Such A Thing
After friend SCM brought her yummy-yum-yummers potatoes to our Sunday St. Patrick’s Day-The Ides of March-Pi Day-Mardi Gras-Spring celebratory dinner, I suggested she and I form PLASMA, which is a scrambled acronym for what would be the Lumpy Artisinal Mashed Potato Appreciation Society. [8]
While I appreciate pureed foods in many forms, I am suspicious of mashed potatoes that have no lumps or “substance” whatsoever. Totally smooth mashed potatoes are a template for lefse but, IMHO, have little purpose outside of that. I prefer my MPs to have texture; i.e., chunks of delicious potatoes.
I volunteer to assume the duties and responsibilities of PLASMA’s The Dowager Lumpy. I will gladly accept suggestions for the title to be bestowed upon the genteel (and gentile, to boot) SCM.
Mashed potatoes without lumps? How middle class.
* * *
Department of It’s Obvious, Dude
To the residents of the really-needs-the-lawn-mown-and-siding-painted house, every window of which is covered with aluminum foil and/or an American flag:
Wouldn’t it just be easier to hang a sign on the front door that says, We cook meth here?
nothin’ to hide in here, no sir, officer sir.
* * *
May your salutations be appropriate, may your mashed potatoes be lumpy, may your view stay foil-free, and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
[1] The high school they attend has a mandatory Senior Project for graduating students, and this would be the time of the year students would be working on their projects.
[2] That’s 2.6 words a day. Of course I did the math.
[3] I no longer submit work to publications that offer no monetary compensation to writers.
[4] I at first thought they might be my works, and each time this happened I wondered why the publisher had taken the time and expense to return my ms., despite my having clearly requested in my cover letter that the publisher follow the industry standard on hard copy submissions (which is to destroy/recycle the ms. and reply via the enclosed SASE).
[5] I cringe to think that those would-be books I read could make it to publication without having gone through the “gate keepers” (i.e. they were in need of severe editing)…and suck writing can, nowadays, thanks to the self-publishing industry.
Last week I saw the proverbial Woman Who Went Out In Public Wearing A Housecoat And Slippers, And With Her Hair In Curlers ® . She didn’t even bother to wear a hat or a scarf to cover the curlers – I didn’t know that there were women who still wore hair curlers, or that such curlers are still being made. They seem like such a childhood remnant, of Something Old People Did.
This public place was a grocery story. Now, I’m not exactly known for my vanity (read: for having much about which I could be vain), but I can’t imagine what would prompt me to leave the house, looking/dressed like that. [1] As I walked behind her I realized that there was something worse than walking around in public dressed in a tatty house-thingy and curlers, and that thing is this: I felt an urge to whip out my phone and snap a picture of her.
All together now: Bad, non-compassionate person.
I was able to restrain my photo-urge, in part because I began to wonder about how the word proverbial; specifically, how itcame to mean something so well known as to be stereotypical…along with its original meaning, which is something related to a reference in a proverb.
Have you read any of the biblical proverbs lately – as in, from the book of Proverbs? Some seriously wacky shit fun stuff.
19:24 A slothful man hideth his hand in his bosom, and will not so much as bring it to his mouth again. (not sure what this particular piece of whackadoodery means, but it’s fun because, bosom.)
20:8 A king that sitteth in the throne of judgment scattereth away all evil with his eyes. (Those are, like, some serious laser eyes).
(22:15) “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Beating kids will make ’em less foolish. What time is it – have you beaten your child today?)
26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. (Well yeah, there’s that.)
(28:5) “They that seek the LORD understand all things.” (which explains the glut of Fundamentalist preacher Rhodes Scholars and Nobel Prize-winning scientists.)
The Department of Graceful Segues has failed me. There’s just no way out of this one, except for an inspirational visit from the Farting Preacher.
* * *
Department of Someone It Would Be Easy To Hate Because He’s so Fucking Talented in So Many Areas But Damned If He Isn’tThey Also Wise and Compassionate and Funny and Self-Effacing and….
…and doesn’t take himself too seriously, as per this photo of him rapping in a college [2]talent show.
That would be Jim Yong Kim, M.D., Ph.D., Korean-born American physician-anthropologist-Dartmouth College President, World Health Organization AIDS Dept. Director, MacArthur Fellows Genuis Award Winner, head of the World Bank, who just likes to show up at my house every so often for tea and conversation about the world’s problems was featured guest on a recent Freakonomics radio show.
And he probably makes his own bread from scratch.
Actually, it’s not bread – I make pasta from scratch. But, I’m working on perfecting a sourdough starter which will also provide the world with a renewable, carbon emissions-free energy source.
* * *
Department of Spontaneous Trips to Tacoma
Because when you are doing one of the Portland Hill Walks with your husband on a late Sunday morning and your nineteen year old daughter texts you from college, saying she misses seeing her parents and would you consider making a “day trip” up to see her..
You gotta go, if you can.
I’d forgotten that the following day was a holiday, for MH at least (our offspring, K and Belle, did not have a day off from classes, nor did the rest of the students at the University of Puget Sound). MH remembered this, and said that if we really wanted to be spontaneous…. One point five hours later we’d returned home, thrown overnight necessities into dufflebags and were headed north on I-5, MH driving while I tried to make last minute cat-house-sitting arrangements, [3] procure overnight lodging, and coordinate Belle and K joining us for dinner that evening.
It turned out to be a whirlwind, great trip, [4] fantastic, spring-teaser weather, and a bonus parental reassurance of seeing our daughter with her wrist cast [5] and noting that everything is going to be fine.
I heartily approve of Tacoma’s Commencement Bay policy banning bicycling at low tide.
* * *
Gung Hay Fat Choy!
Happy Chinese New Year –– to my sister-in-law, JP, and to all Chinese-Americans, and Happy Lunar New Year to all Asian Americans.
The Lunar calendar designates 2015 as the Year of the Goat…or sheep or ram. There seems to be some disagreement as to the interpretation of the Chinese character yang, which can be translated to mean goat, sheep or ram in English.
Because of K & Belle’s years of ZooTeens work at the Oregon Zoo, our family has learned about and become fond of goats. Thus, I will take the liberty of wishing everyone a Happy Year of the (cute screaming baby) Goat.
* * *
Belated Valentine’s greetings to everyone, in the form of this delightful, Darwin-inspired love song, It’s Only Natural, written by the Freedom From Religion Foundation’s co-president Dan Barker[6] and performed by singer Susan Hofer.
* * *
May you enjoy what comes naturally, and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
[1] An emergency of some kind – you wouldn’t find me in a Safeway.
[2] He has multiple degrees, from both Brown and Harvard, of course.
[4] Although note to young people: there’s no such thing, for your decrepit parents at least, as a “day trip” that involves a 3.5 hour drive one way, which means a 3.5 hour return drive.
[5] Injury noted in last week’s blog post, Student vs. Brick Wall.
[6] Barker is a pianist and composer with over 200 published songs, and still receives royalties for Vacation Bible School musicals he wrote back in the ’70s when he was an evangelical Christian pastor (“Mary Had a Little Lamb” and “His Fleece Was White As Snow” )…royalties he now donates to Freethought causes.
Active, reliable, sarcastic, affectionate, bipedal, cynical optimist, writer, freethinker, parent, spouse and friend, I am generous with my handy supply of ADA-approved spearmint gum and sometimes refrain from humming in public.
