Department Of I’m Not The First Person To Notice This
Lately it seems as if every interaction with business employees – e.g., someone helping me out at a store, or when I’m ordering at a restaurant – the employee comments on my order and/or choice, in superlative terms. Excellent and perfect seem to be the semantic pinnacles du jour.
Client: “I’d like the sides a little shorter than usual.”
Hair Stylist: “Awesome!”
Customer: “I’ll have the soup of the day, no croutons, please.”
Waiter: “Excellent!”
Customer: “Would you please add a gingersnap cookie to my order?”
Deli clerk: “Perfect!”
It doesn’t frost my butt the way some other verbal tics do, although moiself has the usual complaints re how overusing and/or misapplying words dilutes their significance. But since there isn’t much in my life right now wherein, say, a committee is going to award me certificates for excellence in anything, I’ll gladly sit with the knowledge that the barista apparently considered my pomegranate tea choice to be impeccable.
* * *
Department Of Almost Bought The Book….
A just-released cookbook, that is. Then I read the book author’s introduction ( I’m so glad online booksellers have this option ):
“Let’s get one thing out of the way. I’m not a vegetarian.
No, no! Don’t go anywhere. If you’re looking for labels, I can give you a few. I’m Tanya, an editor for Cooking and Foods at the The New York Times. I’m a Leo (Aries rising, Libra moon)….”
Hi Tanya, I’m Robyn, a reader of your The Veggie newsletter. As per your mythological bullshit astrology identity, I’m a Stradivarius whose gorge rises [1] at the mere hint that asentient being with an IQ larger than her bra size would give enough to credence to astrology so as to state her zodiac sign as an identifying characteristic. And my moon is…well, that’s me at the monitor, figuratively mooning your amiable idiocy.
While I was cautiously (as in, with reservations [2] ), looking forward to your book it’s highly unlikely I’m going to spend $ on it now. Instead, let me recommend a good read to you: Carl Sagan‘s The Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark. [3] The entire book is a must-read, but if you’re pressed for time (or just lazy), check the index and read the pages dealing with astrology. Here’s a sneak preview:
“Astronomy is a science—the study of the universe as it is.
Astrology is a pseudoscience—a claim, in the absence of good evidence, that the other planets affect our everyday lives.”
( This quote is from Sagan’s book, Cosmos.
Those that follow are from The Demon-Haunted World )
“[Horoscopes] are consciously designed to be so vague
that they could apply to anybody …”
“Astrologers cannot even agree among themselves what a given horoscope means.” [4]
“Astrology can be tested by the lives of twins. There are many real cases like this: one twin is killed in childhood in, say, a riding accident or struck by lightning, while the other one lives to a prosperous old age. Supposed that had happened to me. My twin and I would have been born in exactly the same place and within minutes of each other, exactly the same planets would be rising at our births. If astrology were valid, how would we have such profoundly different fates?…”
“How could the rising of Mars at the moment of my birth affect me, then or now? I was born in a closed room. Light from Mars couldn’t get in. The only influence of Mars which could affect me was its gravity. But the gravitational pull of the obstetrician was much larger than the gravitational influence of Mars. Mars is a lot more massive, but the obstetrician was much closer.”
* * *
Department Of Editing Mishaps That Make Me Feel Better
Sub-Department Of I’ve Never Tried That Recipe Before….
This oopsie is from our CSA’s weekly newsletter, [5] in which the farmers let us know what veggies will be in our weekly portion and share other farm-related news:
The tomatoes made a comeback only to be sprinkled with rain and dew again….
We roasted a good chunk of the peppers which can now be frozen and fucked away for stews and sauces during the winter.
Um…well…ok. Always looking for a way to liven up those stews and sauces.
“Don’t even think about it, lady.”
* * *
Dateline: last Wednesday, circa 1:30p. I did some grocery shopping on my way to pick up our produce share (from the afore-mentioned CSA), and treated moiself to a copy of Cook’s Illustrated magazine. I do this every once in a while, even though over half of the recipes in the magazine are of little use to me since I don’t eat meat or dairy. It’s the cover illustrations that get me. The magazine’s current (number 202; Sept/Oct) cover makes okra, both whole and sliced, look like exotic flora from another galaxy.
One of my favorite sections in the magazine is Quick Tips, wherein readers send in their innovative and easy ways to perform cooking-related tasks. [6] Examples from the current issue include a home cook who repurposes used plastic gift cards as nonstick dish cleaners (“Gift Card Turned Pan Scrubber”); another who found that a clean fine-mesh laundry bag can be used for squeezing water from thawed frozen veggies (“A Tip for Squeezing Excess Water From Spinach); another who uses a vegetable peel to shave a piece of a celery stock to serve as a tie for a bouquet garni (“An Edible Substitute for Kitchen Twine”)….
Before heading to the farm I got a lunch at a local café, where I opened the magazine and turned to the Quick Tips section. I tried to explain to the servers why I was chuckling to moiself, after reading a QT with the caption, Keep Burritos Warm.
Keep Burritos Warm.
I guess that’s an issue for some folks, but, really…keep burritos warm.? This may be the first time in my life I have encountered that phrase. Here’s the QT in its entirety:
“Keep Burritos Warm
When ____ (reader name) wants to take a burrito on the go, she keeps it warm and intact by sliding it into her thermal travel mug. The burrito fits neatly inside for easy carrying, and the insulated walls keep it warm until she is ready to eat.”
Indeed, it is a handy tip, if keeping burritos warm is a concern of yours, But for some reason it struck me as…silly, and profoundly funny. Later that day, when I tried to explain to MH what I found so amusing about that particular QT, it took me several minutes before I could speak without giggling. Finally, I was able to choke out that “…it reminds of Three Word Slogan! Three Word Slogan! What you put on a protest sign and/or chant at a political rally.”
No More Kings!
Yes We Can!
No Nukes Now!
Stop the War!
Keep Burritos Warm!
A mere three words brought me to my knees (translation: brought my forehead to the table). And now, how many paragraphs did I just write about a three word caption?
* * *
Department Of Be Careful What You Ask, Even Rhetorically
Writer and commentator Molly Jong-Fast recently published a New York Times Opinion essay ( “I’m Not Going to Lie About My Neck” ) wherein she revealed and defended her decision to undergo plastic surgery shortly after she turned 47.
According to Jong-Fast, her physical appearance is directly tied to her livelihood, and she felt pressured by our youth-obsessed culture [7] to either conform to beauty standards to prolong her career or step back from “the arena” and face her inevitable marginalization. In her essay she rhetorically asked if opting for cosmetic surgery is “cheating” and if it makes her a “bad feminist” by reinforcing patriarchal beauty norms. Then she chickens out advocates for a revised definition of feminism that does not heap “hostility” on those who have plastic surgery and which “respects individual autonomy and survival choices under a male-gaze-oriented culture.”
It was one of the odder versions of “you go girl/whatever makes you feel good about yourself, “ written by a herself *for* herself, that I’ve ever run across. A good portion of the comments to Jong-Fast re the article (sampled below) revealed that many if not most of the article’s readers had similar feelings as moiself:
“Does it make you a bad feminist? Of course it does! We succumb to our own insecurities first, and then the ever-present male gaze, and even fiercer female gaze. As long as we keep succumbing to the cultural expectation of youth, there will be no way out….”
“Curious if you feel similarly about operations/treatments that aren’t as normalized, such as skin bleaching? Colorism is still alive and well in this country, but I very much doubt anyone would attempt to defend such a treatment…”
“It’s not that women who have plastic surgery are cheating. I don’t care what other women do to try to change themselves (though I do feel bad for women who believe that they aren’t good enough as is). The problem is that the more people who do ‘cheat’, the greater the price is for those of us who don’t. The more conformity there is to impossible ideals, the greater the momentum is toward impossible ideals. That harms us all.”
“As the mother of two daughters…I do not want to send them the message that it’s not ok to age because it’s happening to all of us…when I’m 70, I’m not going to fool anyone into thinking I’m 40 – no matter what I do….
I can’t agree with you that your choice was to conform to the standards of beauty or reject them and lose your career. There are examples of women in the public eye who aren’t doing this… At 63, I am still on Zoom calls most days and no, I don’t like the way my neck looks or the wrinkles around my eyes and mouth. But I’m never going to be 43, 33 or 23 again. Instead of trying to be, why not be an example for my daughters so they know aging is natural and ok?”
“Does that make you a bad person or a bad feminist? No. But it is a sad commentary on our culture that women feel that need at all. I hope by the time your daughter reaches your age she feels more confident in the world.”
“It is not ‘hostility.’ That is reframing to tell a narrative. You are buying in, and it is depressing. It is your choice to give your power away to ‘men’ and ‘society’s’ obsession with youth. For what, smoke and mirrors and a media ecosystem that promotes what exactly? Anything positive? Or just more of the same darkness?
*Molly, it doesn’t make you a bad feminist, it makes you a selective one. (and I, Robyn, would add here, and it makes you a cowardly one ).
Succumbing to the misogyny but cloaking it in professional demands is a cop out.
You say that one’s level of perceived attractiveness or unattractiveness drives inequality in the workplace and society, but don’t note that plastic surgery worth tens of thousands of dollars is completely out of reach for the majority of women, driving further inequality.
* * *
Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week [8]
“If our lives are controlled by a set of traffic signals in the sky,
why try to change anything?”
( American scientist, professor, author, science educator Carl Sagan )
* * *
May you read The Demon Haunted World if you haven’t already;
May you find a better use for your peppers than f***ing them away;
May you remember that you no longer have any excuse *not* to
Keep Burritos Warm®;
…and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
* * *
[1] Reference for you young’uns unfamiliar with the idiom: One is disgusted or sickened by something. (The “gorge” is the stomach: “I could never be a doctor. Blood, vomit, open wounds—the gorge rises at it.” Definition from The Free dictionary ).
[2] Wondering how many of the recipes I’d actually be interested in, as her newsletter contains many with egg and dairy ingredients (vegetarian, but not entirely plant-based)
[3] Actually, there is nothing about this book that would make me recommend it solely to Tonya; I think *every* person should read it, as a good guide to evaluating evidence, learning skeptical and critical thinking, and thus developing your own “baloney detection kit”.
[4] The book describes examples of scientists testing astrology by, for example, having contradicting horoscopes given to astrology believers and printed in newspapers and testing the believer’s reactions….it’s worth the read just for these entertaining examples of human gullibility.
[5] What is a CSA and why should you sign up for one?
[6] They receive a complimentary one-year subscription to the magazine for each tip CI decides to publish.
[7] : Jong-Fast is a political commentator who appears frequently on television and digital video screens.
[8] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists. No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.” Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org
