Department Of Hey Weather, A Forty Degree Differential?
Is This Really Necessary?
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Department Of Back To School…No Thanks
The first morning I saw the school buses back on the road, moiself overheard a conversation between two parents, whose children are past school age, about “what they miss most” about the school years. An equally interesting conversation, I thought, would be what you do *not* miss about those years. Definitely at the top of my school memories list is what happened to daughter Belle, one day during her sophomore year of high school. Here is the email moiself sent at the time (sans graphics), detailing the incident to certain friends. [1]
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Wednesday, April 11, 2012 11:59 PM
Subject: If you don’t read this all the way through,
the (school bureaucrat) terrorists have won
Dateline, yesterday (Tuesday, April 10). MH took Belle to a first-thing-in-the-morning doctor’s appointment (to check on Belle’s knee that she had injured at track practice the previous week). The appointment would, we estimated, cause her to miss her first class and arrive a little bit late for her second class at Liberty High School (LHS). In accordance with LHS policy, we’d phoned the attendance office earlier that morning re Belle’s appointment and late arrival to school. When MH dropped Belle off at school after her appointment Belle followed the protocol for such arrivals: she went straight to the attendance office, picked up her excused absence/late arrival form, and took it to her 2nd period class.
Essential background info: Many LHS classrooms, and also staff break rooms, have microwave ovens. Unbeknownst to the major players in the story that is to follow, someone at LHS had used one of the microwaves in the staff room that morning, had spilled/burned whatever it was they were trying to heat, then did a less-than-adequate job of cleaning up their mess. The smell got worse over the next few hours, as other people proceeded to use the appliance…. Anyone who has ever shared a common break room/office microwave knows how that goes (I remember it well – the worst was someone’s seven times re-nuked tuna salad. Ick, to infinity.).
Bear with me; this gets more interesting.
Ten minutes after Belle had settled into her second period class, a school security guard entered the classroom, spoke with the teacher, and escorted Belle to the office of SM__, the LHS Dean of Students. (MH and I, working in our respective offices, at Intel and at home, were of course oblivious to this.)
I received a phone call at 10:30 am from SM___. (Disclosure: we know the Dean of Students, SM__, personally; or rather, we are friends with her elderly parents). She is calling, SM__ said, about Belle. It seems that after Belle arrived at school, “a couple of people” reported that Belle smelled of marijuana, and so Belle was brought to the Dean’s office and her person and book packs searched (yes, plural: Belle carries multiple packs, what with her books/school supplies and track shoes and clothing). No trace of Evil Weed ® nor drugs of any kind were found (duh), but, in the course of the search, a murderous machete teeny tiny multipurpose tool (Leatherman’s smallest, their micra multi tool, which is standard issue for all hominid members of our household) was found at the bottom of one of Belle’s book packs.
The school district’s policy is the infamous “zero tolerance” on “weapons” of any kind…and although Belle “should” be suspended from school for a day, Dean SM__told me that she’d decided to give Belle after-school detention (“it was the smallest knife we’d ever seen.”). The horrendous threat to national security mini-pocketknife was confiscated, and would be kept at the attendance office, for either MH or I to identify and claim it.
I must confess I was stifling laughter during the Dean’s phone call, from shock as well as bemusement and bewilderment. Thus, I neglected to ask all the questions that just begged to be posed (like, Excuse me, WHO made the marijuana accusations?). The illicit switchblade pocketknife was just a stupid mistake. Belle, like all students, knows the silly rule about no “weapons.” She takes her Leatherman tool to her weekend zoo shifts, where she uses it to trim goat dingleberries and whatever. [2] She keeps a separate bag for her zoo stuff, but on busy days things get transferred from one bag to another…and in her rush to get all her stuff and go to the doctor’s appointment, she grabbed the wrong bag that day.
After I’d hung up from the phone call with Dean SM__ I called MH, to let him know what was going on (and ask him, uh, had the doctor rubbed any strange-smelling liniment or ointment on Belle’s knee, or was she wearing any lotion that might smell like…what am I saying?) Oh…are you serious? MH was as bemused as I. Belle’s going to be really upset about this, he cautioned. I told him I was going to figure out a time to go and see the Dean and straighten this ridiculous thing out…unless he, the more likely of the two of us who would be able to keep the Are you people insane?!?!?!?!? look off of his face, would like to do the honors. He laughed, and declined.
I sent a quick email to our friend (and family attorney), Jane, [3] re the situation, then received a text from Belle, which started the following exchange.
Belle:
I can’t believe this.
Moiself:
How’s my favorite little dope smoker?
Belle:
Oh my gosh I want to cry.
Moiself:
Are you at lunch? Don’t message in class…and don’t cry, don’t worry; you’ll look back on this & laugh.
Belle:
I’ll call you at passing time.
Belle tried to call me between classes, but the reception was bad, and the calls kept getting dropped. She was able to text again a few minutes later.
Belle:
I’m soooooo pissed right now!! I don’t want a stupid detention!!
Moiself:
Call me!
Belle:
I can’t, class just started. I’ll call when I go to the bathroom or something.
Moiself:
Remember to breathe – and laugh. You’ll be fine – I love you.
Belle:
Thanks! And by the way – I DON’T SMOKE WEED!!!
Moiself:
I know you don’t…but maybe one of the attendance office staff does. 😉
Turns out, my little comment was close to the truth. As I found out later, it was one of the attendance office staff who’d made the accusation.
In the meantime, Attorney Friend Jane replied to my email (which I had titled, Just wait until your daughter is in public school). The core of her reply, with much censoring and redacting, follows:
“Oh, for ______’s sake. REALLY? REALLY?!!
Poor Belle – I mean, it’s a great story for six months or years from now, but I’m sure she’s mortified/furious/hurt.
I’m glad the Dean of Students is an acquaintance, because most schools have zero tolerance policies that would have gotten her the suspension.
The lawyer in me (who only has a passing acquaintance with school law) says:
She has due process rights.
That would include a right to confront accusers.
So you/she should be told who made the accusations.
And whether there was, in fact probable cause and/or reasonable suspicion (I can’t remember what it is for schools).
Because she also has a right to unreasonable searches.
If the original basis for the search is invalid, the search is invalid.
Therefore, there would be no finding of the machete. I mean, penknife.
Therefore, no discipline.
…If it were my kid, I would only really go down this road if you determine something goes in her official file, because of course that should be expunged. Unless it is very important to Belle.”
I received another text from Belle, right before she was about to get out of class for lunch, just as I finished reading Jane’s email. I began to ponder the mystery of what was it that someone smelled that got Belle accused of being a stoner.
Belle:
Wow, right now the entire school smells like a mixture of weed and burning stuff.
Moiself:
Really? Are you about to go to lunch?
Belle:
Yea. When they were searching me they mentioned that they had received a few other comments about weed smell. I wonder if that was it. Cause it REEEEEEEEEKS in here.
Moiself:
CALL ME RIGHT NOW!
Belle:
Sorry – class almost over. I’ll call ya in 5.
She did, and this time the call wasn’t dropped. The puzzle pieces were starting to fit in: some other students had told Belle what the smell was from (the microwave spill story). Belle said she’d noticed the smell in the hallway in the morning, when she came to school after her appointment and checked in at the attendance office. So, when Belle opened the door to the attendance office (which is closed off from the main hallway), the smell came in with her.
I told her to go, RIGHT NOW, to the Dean of Students (whose office is behind the attendance office, far away from the main hallway) and tell her that! Belle was very reluctant to do so; she said that, as a student, she didn’t think she would be believed, but I encouraged her to stand up for herself for being falsely accused, speak calmly, rationally…and to tell Dean SM___ that I would be stopping by to talk with her.
Belle (text at the end of lunch:
I tried talking to her, but she didn’t seem to get that I thought they searched me under wrong pretenses or whatever. Maybe you’ll have more luck.
Twenty minutes later I was at the school main office. I asked to see Dean SM___ . “The Dean is with someone in her office right now; do you have an appointment?” one of the narcs attendance ladies asked. “Nooooooo,” sez I, baring my teeth, with an angelic smile. “My name is Robyn Parnell; I’m Belle _____’s mother.” “Oh,” attendance lady lowered her voice, “I know what you’re here for.” She scooted into a back room, emerged with Belle’s little Leatherman, handed it to me with a conspiratorial wink and grin, and seemed to think I would then shoo myself away.
“Thank you,” I said, reaching into my purse to pull out my (identical to Belle’s) matching Leatherman. “Just to let you know, I’m also ‘packing.’ Is this okay?” Attendance lady blinks several times. “I’m going to wait to speak with Dean SM__,” I told her, as I took a seat in one of the waiting area chairs, “as my daughter has been falsely accused.”
In five minutes I was escorted back to SM__’s office, where we both explained our “sides” of the incident. SM___ seemed somewhat embarrassed about the whole thing, without being apologetic. After all (and I understand this part), she was just doing her job. The point I wanted her to get, which I made several times using different tacks, is that the pocketknife thing was not the big deal to either Belle or I. Rather, our larger concern was the false accusation of contraband-smoking, which led to the needless search. What kind of evidence is needed to justify a search? I asked. Is it that someone can simply declare, “I think so and so ____ (is smoking a doobie; has stolen my calculator),” and the accused student’s belongings get searched? That gives a lot of power to, say, a disgruntled, grudge-holding student who wants to get a rival in trouble, or a paranoid, jump-to-conclusions staff member. SM__ explained that schools have legal license to operate on different grounds, for safety concerns, ad nauseum…but they do try to weigh accusations carefully (and have encountered false ones, for just the reasons I mentioned – someone trying to get someone else in trouble). One time an entire class’s book packs were searched because a teacher’s private possessions had been stolen, and you wouldn’t believe the things we found!! Blah Blah blah….
Had this been something that would have gone on Belle’s permanent record, “I don’t want to do the waving the lawyers thing at you,” I said, but my husband and I would have pursued ‘legal remedies.’ “ I was assured that a detention does not go on a student’s permanent record. Okay, fine, let Belle do the high school equivalent of staying after school to clean erasers; perhaps she’ll be more diligent about which book bag she brings where, and keep her zoo stuff separate. SM___ reminded me again that this is the first time in all of her Deanhood (not her exact words) that she has *not* suspended someone for bringing a sling blade dripping with fresh rabbit blood pocketknife to school; in fact, the school doesn’t even have a detention form for that kind of disciplinary action, as it usually merits an automatic suspension (she had to cross “suspension” off the form and write in “detention”), but, she must admit, it was the smallest blade she’d ever found….
And we have to know that if Belle brings a knife to school again (and is caught), it will be an automatic suspension (which, as I found out, also doesn’t go on any record that would be sent to colleges – nothing “behavioral” does, according to SM__, and even suspensions are expunged from a student’s record, after two years).
Well, okey dokey.
Just like when I see TSA agents preparing to do a full body cavity search on a wheelchair-bound granny whose titanium hip implant has tripped the airport security scanner, the confiscating of a teenage girl’s micro mini-Leatherman tool in no way assures me that They Are Keeping The Schools Safe For My Child ®. Ah, but such is life.
I emailed Lawyer Friend Jane with the update. Her response:
“Poor Belle. This is one of the crappiest life lessons anyone has to learn, and you’d think she could at least have waited until college to learn about the bureaucracy that grinds us all into dust….
(Also, the wink-wink-nudge-nudge from the front desk would have made me get that Leatherman out and get stabby!)
I think SM___is saying the standard for schools is reasonable suspicion, which is a lesser standard than probable cause, but given those facts, I don’t think it would rise to that. At least, I could write a really great brief arguing it didn’t; whether it does or not is up to the judge…which is another life lesson that I hope Belle doesn’t (ever) have to learn.
I had a sense that SM___ was trying her best to keep Belle out of trouble – but am kind of bewildered that suspensions aren’t actually something on a permanent record. What’s the point? It’s like when I ditched classes in high school and got suspended. Um, what? OK, I’ll go to the beach. No problem. Not on my permanent record? OK, no problem.
Anyway, I’m glad that it has a relatively good resolution, but life lessons, oy. I think you all deserve a meal out.”
Yes, another Life Object lesson for my darling daughter. Several, in fact, from this incident, including, Sadly, this won’t be the first nor the last time you will be falsely accused of something... which was to be one of the oy vey, dinner table topics of conversation last night.
Well, it didn’t qualify as a true dinner table conversation, as Belle was exhausted and just wanted to stay home to pick at leftovers. MH and I went out for Thai food because by dinner time I was (still) too pissed off to cook, and probably would have burned the halibut, and then the burr-under-his-saddle, retired cop who lives next door would have caught a whiff and thought I was cooking up methamphetamine and he’d sick the narco squad on me….
End of email
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Moiself’s notes to moiself, at the time of the incident and email:
I have zero tolerance for schools’ zero tolerance policies (same for the so-called Three Strikes laws). I’m against anything that removes reasoned assessment and context from crucial situations and promotes/rewards hysteria and overreaction and subjects even minor infractions to a one-size-fits-all analysis.
Yes, it’s both more difficult and time-consuming to deal with possible disciplinary actions on a case-by-case basis. But isn’t thoughtful, careful examination and investigation of evidence what we are trying to teach our kids to do?
A mini-Leatherman is a tool; a switchblade is a weapon. Could a tiny pocketknife be used as a weapon? Of course, just as your fist or foot could. Belle’s stainless steel lunch thermos could be used to BASH SOMEONE’S HEAD IN. Her art classrooms have Exact-o knifes and other slasher weapons, and the things you can do with a pencil, or other writing implements (remember the scene in Goodfellas in which Joe Pesci takes a pen to a guy’s throat?)….
I wonder if the school administrators and security guards who rigidly enforce these over-the-top policies fully understand the contempt the students hold for them (both the policies and the enforcers) – contempt both Belle and her older brother K and their friends had told me about, well before Belle’s incident. They (school administrators and security guards) patrol the halls with their walkie-talkies on their belts, like modern day gunslingers (I might get detention for using such an analogy), hassling students for minor infractions, yet somehow managing to avoid the truly dangerous situations. “They are on such a power trip, and they never get the really bad kids,” I’ve heard many a student remark.
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When I look back on it, [4] I think even more strongly what I thought at the time:
What a wasted opportunity – for the so-called adults running the school
to do the right thing…
What a wasted opportunity to apologize to a young person; what a wasted opportunity to show good citizenship, good leadership, good humanity, by admitting when you are wrong and demonstrating that by doing so you are not diminishing your authority, prestige or whatever…
No one ever expressed their regret to Belle, for falsely accusing and humiliating her. Instead, they found an excuse to hold her after school… It’s like ITAL Oh, we have to do *something* in order not to appear like we’ve over-reacted,ITAL instead of what they should have done: admit their mistake, apologize, and let her go…and offer to help put everything back in her bookbag they had callously and power-trippingly dumped out on the floor.
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Department Of Best Reaction To The Above Story
From friend EK:
“Was she wearing a hoodie?”
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Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week [5]
( Piers Anthony, American author )
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May your most frustrating stories be tamed by time;
May you never be too proud to admit you’re wrong when you’re wrong;
May you survive the bureaucracy that grinds us all into dust;
…and may the hijinks ensue.
Thanks for stopping by. Au Vendredi!
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[1] and moiself, for history and posterity.
[2] Belle was involved, from 8th through 12th grades, with the Oregon Zoo’s Zoo Teens program.
[3] Not her real name.
[4] which isn’t often, except for what inspired this post.
[5] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists. No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.” Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org
