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The “Ultimate Writers’ Guide” I’m Not Writing

August 29, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), current events, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), music, nature, Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, The Write Stuff (literary life), Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The “Ultimate Writers’ Guide” I’m Not Writing

This story, attributed to Jewish-Austrian philosopher Martin Buber, (“Tales of the Hasidim”),  is making the rounds on FB.  As one commenter noted, Buber’s tale is a convoluted way of admitting that the concept of a divine deity should be unnecessary….

 ( Buber story post; my emphases )
A rabbi was asked by one of his students “Why did God create atheists?” After a long pause, the rabbi finally responded with a soft but sincere voice. “God created atheists,” he said, “to teach us the most important lesson of them all – the lesson of true compassion.

You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his actions are based on his sense of morality. Look at the kindness he bestows on others simply because he feels it to be right.

When someone reaches out to you for help. You should never say ‘I’ll pray that God will help you.’ Instead, for that moment, you should become an atheist – imagine there is no God who could help, and say ‘I will help you’.”

 

 

For that moment?  No; You should “become an atheist”   [1]  for all the moments when you have helped other people; for all the times when other people help people, without “miraculous”/deistic intervention, which is – no matter what you have been taught to think, is you, a person, acting, not your god – always. Always.

How’s about y’all who are religious just skip the middle layer of bureaucracy and leave out the unnecessary and functionally impotent deity – whom you believe parted the Red Sea and performed other “miracles” but who can’t mow your neighbor Fred’s lawn when Fred is recovering from chemotherapy, and so you do it?

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Wholesome Family Games Night
Wheel of Fortune, Public Service Edition

 

“I’d like to solve the puzzle.”

*    *   *

Department Of You Know You Need This
Sub-Department Of, Only 129 nicknames for the Tangerine Terrorist?

Select goodies from the website, 129 Insulting tR***   [2]  Nicknames You Must Know— Choose Your Favorite!

Cheeto Satan
Trumpoleon
The Incontinental Divider
Vladdy’s Boy
Mango Mussolini
Our Fondling Father
Tsar Trumplingrad
Sweet Potato Hitler
Pumpkin Spiced Stalin
Kim Don Un
President Donald McDonald’s
The Lyin’ King
Don the Con
Cheetolini

Comedian and late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel also weighed in with his and his writers’ collection:Don Whoreleon

Napoleon Bone-Aspur
Nostra-Dumbass
All Caps-Tain Kangaroo
Founding Farter
Teddy Dozevelt
Gaseous Clay
Dopey McGropey
Lepre-Con Man
Al Ca-Porn
The Shart of the Deal
Nelson Tandela
Greedy McGolfy
Yabba Dabba Doofus
His MAGA-Sty
Donald Duck the Draft
The Notorious P.I.G.
Hair Mussolini
Con-Mander-In-Chief
Phony Soprano
The Ayatollah Complaini
Presidementia
Stable McGenius
The Tanchurian Candidate
Tannibal Lecter
Scammy Davis Jr.
The MAGA-Lorian
Vladimir Gluten
HippoPOTUS
Darth Tax Evader
The Tan of La Mancha
MAGATHA Christie
Grab-Ass Grandpa
Orange Julius Caesar
Dictator Tot
Quid Pro Combover
The Lock-Her-Up-Ness Monster
General Lie-Senhower
Alexander Scamilton
Jabba The Pizza Hut
and Pumpkin McPornhumper

*   *   *

*   *   *

Department Of Meet Your Brain
 Part 391 in A Never-Ending Series

We neurological layfolk – as well as the writers of popular psychology/medicine articles – tend to separate realms when we talk about how the human brain (supposedly) functions.  We speak and write about some people who have great cognitive skills and people who are stronger with emotional skills ( using terms like IQ and EQ, for example ), often in binary or at least separate terms. Let’s all stop doing that, right now.

 

 

Yes; really.  Bonk yourself on the head if you find yourself doing that.   [3]

“I think our traditional Western philosophies too often separate cognition and emotion; we think that there are cognitive skills and that there are emotional skills…and that maybe those two things impact on each other, right?  But actually, that’s the wrong way to think about it.

They are two differ dimensions of the same thing.  Thinking is inherently cognitive and emotional, *always,* at the same time.  And we can look at thinking from a cognitive lens and analyze the cognitive dimensions of what’s going on – and it’s important to do that – and we can look at thinking from an affective lens, and analyze the emotional engagement that’s going on, but actually both of those things are simultaneously happening, in an integrative way, *always*, when people are alive – when they’re moving through the world, adapting and engaging with things around them.”

(  Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, USC professor of neuroscience; director
of the Center for Affective Neuroscience, Development, Learning and Education.
Excerpt from her interview on the Hidden Brain podcast, “How Our Brains Learn.” )

 

 

 

*   *   *

Depart Of WTF Is Going On
Sub-Department Of A Writer’s Life

Chapter 952 In The Never-Ending Series, The Rights To Which
Have Yet To Be Optioned For A Major Motion Picture ®

After years of the proverbial radio silence since my juvenile novel  The Mighty Quinn went out of print, in the past couple of weeks moiself  has received several complimentary emails from who-the-heck-are-these-people  who  apparently   [4]  want to show me how they can maximize my book sales and impact my presence on social media, ad nauseum ad scam-eum, etc.  One example:

From: redacted <redacted@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2025 7:42 AM
To: ( moiself’s  main email address    [5]  )
Subject: The Mighty Quinn

Dear Robyn Parnell,
“The Mighty Quinn is a delightful mix of humor, heart, and clever storytelling. Quinn’s journey through school struggles, bullies, and unexpected friendships is both relatable and entertaining. The way you balance lighthearted moments with real challenges makes this story shine for young readers and adults alike. Katie DeYoe’s illustrations   [6]  also add a wonderful layer that brings Quinn’s world vividly to life. I’d love to hear what inspired you to create Quinn’s character and the whimsical yet meaningful adventures he experiences.”

Moiself’s  reply:
Dear Mr. Redacted,
Who are you and what are you selling?

Here is my favorite one (so far).
The email’s subject line: “Show Don’t Tell – The Ultimate Writers’ Guide

“Hi Robyn, your guide feels like a true gift to writers at every stage. By breaking down ‘show, don’t tell’ into practical, achievable steps with clear examples, you demystify one of the most essential and misunderstood craft elements. What drew you to make this guide so hands-on, with exercises that invite writers to immediately apply what they learn?”

 

 

Spoiler:  I have written no such guide.

Nor do I ever recommend that one-dimensional sop – show; don’t tell – which unfortunately passes as classical (and simplistic and therefore bad, IMO) advice.   Show and tell; good writing does both.

What’s going on?  Can I blame AI for this?

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of The Sensitivity Of Things

The Sensitivity of Things – Mono no Aware 物の哀れ   – is variously described as an awareness for the fragility of the existence, of life in all forms, and appreciation for its beauty while acknowledging the gentle sadness of its passing.  Moiself  had heard of the concept in passing,  then recently it was the subject of one of my Calm app morning meditations.

“It’s natural to seek a sense of stability and forever-ness.  Change and uncertainty can feel stressful and scary.  To recognize that everything that begins is to acknowledge our mortality, which isn’t a warm and fuzzy prospect.  But there’s great wisdom in the view that everything is changing and ephemeral.  Nothing is permanent.  Today, the tallest tree in the woods.  Tomorrow, a log of carbon lying on the forest floor.  Today, a massive glowing star; tomorrow, a disparate cloud of cooling elements.

 


 Webb Space Telescope images

 

It’s understandable to fear change, but there’s so much to be gained by accepting impermanence, rolling with it, even seeing the beauty in it.  For it’s only because life ends that our years on this earth are so precious.  Only because of the harsh winds of winter that we drink up every sun-drenched moment of summer.

Mindfulness encourages us to see that it’s not the nature of impermanence that causes us to suffer, it’s our desire for things to be permanent that causes us to suffer.  By accepting impermanence, we open to reality and find deeper fulfillment in our lives.

There’s a wonderful Japanese term, for which there isn’t a precise English translation – a term, mono no aware, loosely means a sensitivity to ephemera.   The bittersweet feeling of seeing things change is the wistful awareness of the transitory nature of existence.

Since everything we see all around us will one day be gone ,we must appreciate every millisecond.  According to this idea, cheery blossoms are not only beautiful despite only blossoming for two weeks a year, they are beautiful *because* they only blossom for two weeks once a year. 

As Jack Kornfield     [7]   said, ‘Like a sandcastle, all is temporary.
Build it.  Tend it.  Enjoy it.  And when the time comes, let it go.’ “

 

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [8]

 


( Becky Vollmer )

 

*   *   *

May you cultivate and appreciate a sensitivity to ephemera;
May you “act like an atheist” when someone needs help;
May you be reassured by the knowledge of the impermanence of the influence
of Genghis Don, and bask in the never-ending satisfaction achieved by
engaging in petty derision of that Commander-In-Thief;

…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Which is not actually a thing and there is no ism or credos to adopt – it’s just one term for being religion-free, which unfortunately defines you in terms of religion (a-theism – without theism).

[2] Moiself  cannot bear to have his unredacted name in my blog, even when quoting others.

[3] And note that you will experience the bonk in several realms, including the cognitive, emotional, and physical realms: ouch.

[4] They offer little-to-nothing in the way of identification and/or professional credentials.

[5] I have several.

[6] Actually, the illustrations were done by a wife-husband team, Katie De Yoe  and Aaron DeYoe. 

[7] American writer and teacher, who trained as a Buddhist monk in Thailand.

[8] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Man I’m Not Keeping

August 22, 2025

Robyn Parnell are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), books & magazines, community, current events, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Isms (religion), movies, music, nature, Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, school, science, travel, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The Man I’m Not Keeping

Department Of Another Spot-on Neologism

Mankeeping.

 

Actually, Mr. Bean, you probably don’t.

Mankeeping may sound funny, or, if you’re a socially-and-politically-conservative-inclined man you might feel a twinge of, Why they do keep picking on us?!?!

Except that it’s not nit-picking, or even picking.  The term describes a real problem.

Republicans and religious/cultural conservatives and their women-should-be-breeders-not-leaders  allies decry the USA’s falling fertility rates.  They wonder aloud why younger women in particular are avoiding marriage and children; they – surprise! – don’t see/won’t acknowledge the reasons that are literally staring them in the face (or ghosting them online)…because, you know, men figuring out the reasons for social/cultural/romance-and-family-related trends?

 

“My girlfriend takes care of that kinda stuff.”

 

Y’all seen any of these headlines/read any of these articles lately?  Perhaps moiself  should alter my intro:  lately.  Because the thing is, although it’s new to media attention, this is not a lately phenomenon.  This is something I’ve heard/read about from women of all ages (now, younger women  [1]  in particular), for years.  Somebody finally named it.

” Why Women Are Weary of the Emotional Labor of ‘Mankeeping.’
As male social circles shrink, female partners say they have to meet more social and emotional needs.” ( The New York Times )

* ” Mankeeping is ruining dating for women who are tired of relationship burnout:
‘I’m not your therapist’.”   ( NY Post )

*  “Some women are reportedly opting out of dating or ending relationships due to
the exhaustion and frustration associated with Mankeeping.”

 *  Mankeeping: Why single women are giving up dating. ( The Guardian ) 

Mankeeping is a first cousin to the term kinkeeping, which describes how when women marry they are essentially delegated the role of Emotional Connections Manager ® within and between families – their own family of origin, sure, but also their husbands’.  This is for-most-part-invisible labor that women do in their romantic relationships with men.  This highly unequal distribution of labor – wherein women are expected to carry a disproportionate share of the emotional and social burden in heterosexual relationships – has been going on for decades.  But studies show that it is increasing…and younger women are noticing the dynamic, and going on labor strike.

 

 

Two of the best encapsulation of the problem:

“This trend isn’t about losing interest in love; it’s about women walking away from the role of unpaid emotional caregivers….
Think of it as emotional housekeeping:  women are acting as therapists, mood managers, event planners, and emotional sounding boards, all while rarely receiving the same support in return.
( from ” What is ‘Mankeeping’, the latest (sic) trend that’s making women quit dating,”  Times of India  )

“Researchers at Stanford have finally given a name to something many women have been dealing with for years. It’s called mankeeping. And it’s helping explain why so many women are stepping away from dating altogether….
Mankeeping describes the emotional labor women end up doing in heterosexual relationships. It goes beyond remembering birthdays or coordinating social plans. It means being your partner’s one-man support system. Managing his stress. Interpreting his moods. Holding his hand through feelings he won’t share with anyone else. All of it unpaid, unacknowledged, and often unreciprocated.
The root of the issue is tied to what experts are calling the male loneliness epidemic. As more men report having fewer close friendships, romantic partners are expected to pick up the slack. Instead of processing with friends, many men offload everything onto the woman they’re dating. She becomes his entire emotional infrastructure.”
( Excerpts, my emphases,
“Mankeeping is why women are done with dating.” “Vice )

Our social connections with fellow human beings are crucial indicators of our overall mental and physical well-being.  There is a vital link between social bonds/friendship and mental and physical health.  Whether the blame is technology/screen addiction, career priorities, increased geographic mobility or whatever, the fact that men’s social circles are shrinking and men are struggling to form close kinship bonds is a growing and well-documented issue.    [2] 

And then there’s this:

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of All The Life Advice You Need In 117 Pages
(Plus Illustrations)

That may be found in Tim Minchin’s You Don’t Have To Have A Dream, and other life lessons.  Although, as per the previous topic, I don’t think Minchin offers a direct solution to mankeeping, he’s the kind of man who would notice the problem and neither pooh-pooh its existence nor delegate the solution to the women in his life.

I think I’ll just keep reading this book, over and over.  It is – well, Minchin’s website does such a good job of describing it I tossed the summary I was writing and cribbed theirs:

“…a beautifully idiosyncratic celebration of life, art, success, love, and thriving in a meaningless universe, drawn from three iconic speeches from Tim Minchin… his most beloved university commencement addresses, which have amassed over 100 million views online…it is a rallying cry for creativity, critical thinking, and compassion in our daily lives.”

 

 

I adore Minchin’s work.  Minchin, an Australian, writes that the thing he is best in the world at is “…being a science-obsessed uber-rhymey polemicist pianist singer-satirist wanker.”  He’s one of those damn, much-more-creative-than-you’ll-ever-be polymaths:  musician, singer, composer, author, actor.  See him perform live if and whenever you can; if not, or in addition to that, read the book.  His take on the have a dream/follow your passion trope, which has always seemed ludicrous/first-world-privileged nonsense/insulting-and-missing-the-point  to moiself, is pithily and wittily spot-on.  Here’s a couple of teasers, from his humorous and heartfelt Nine Life Lessons commencement address to the University of Western Australia, 2013 ( you can listen to the speech here ):

 

 

“Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams.  Fine, if you have something that you’ve always dreamed of, like in your heart, go for it!  After all, it’s something to do with your time…chasing a dream.  And if it’s a big enough one, it’ll take you most of your life to achieve, so by the time you get to it and are staring into the abyss of the meaninglessness of our achievement you’ll be almost dead, so it won’t matter.
I never really had one of these big dreams.  I advocate passionate dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals.  Be micro-ambitious.  Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you…You never know where you might end up.  Just be aware that the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery.  Which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams.  If you focus too far in front of you, you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye.”

“A valuable idea is usually one that has been carefully considered.  Our feelings are not virtuous purely by virtue of how keenly we feel them.  Take time to hone your opinions, then take pride in how you express them.”

 

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Religious Folks Frustrated
By And With Their Fellow Religious Folks

I hear, I read, about the righteous (ahem) anger and frustration of Christians who believe that the message of their faith is being ignored or warped or hijacked by The Cheetos Satan   [3] and his minions. These frustrated believers cite scriptures which indicate that the actions of far-right Christians either ignore or contradict what Jesus taught and instructed his followers to do.  I’m sure moiself  has even shared some of those posts.

The thing is, I think they’re wrong.  Their religion is not being hijacked.  Their religion is doing what it –  what any religion –  has always done: illustrate the dangers of religion.

Throughout Christianity’s history its adherents have argued, split into factions and denominations, shunned and oppressed and harassed and derided and killed other adherents over interpretations of what Christians are supposed to be doing and what they are supposed to believe in, and what are the justifications for these actions and beliefs. The same religion that, according to the adherents, spurs them toward “good works” also spurs their fellow believers toward discrimination of all kinds: sexism and racism and all of the anti-other-isms.  All this is done in the name of what their god supposedly wants or doesn’t want, what their deity forbids or prescribes. Anything can and is justified via the quoting of ancient texts.

 

Of course, y’all can have similar results with any application of any extremist ideology. But with religion, you have the added inducement ( meaning, no other choice, for some believers) of appealing to what a supposed all-powerful deity wants you to do, with the added impetus of punishment or reward, both in the here-and-now and in some future life/afterlife.  Here’s just one of 12,967 (estimated) examples:

Tell some poor tenant farmers that there are opportunities for them if they undertake a monumental task:

“Land – free land, as a matter of fact!  You will be your own man, no longer beholden to the landlord.  And yeah, so, the land is currently, er, somewhat…occupied.  But you can – and should, as a loyal, god-fearin’ American – just go there and take it. It’s gonna be good for both you and for your country…”

Ummm…yeah?  That sounds sketchy, not to mention dangerous. No thanks.

But promote the same actions with the holy cause of Manifest Destiny – and it’s,  Praise de Lawd and which way to the Oregon Trail!?

 

“American Progress,” (1872, by John Gast).  American Progress was a symbol of and synonym for Manifest Destiny.

 

“… expansion represented ‘the fulfillment of our manifest destiny to overspread the continent allotted by Providence for the free development of our yearly multiplying millions.’…

‘Manifest Destiny’…claimed that America had a destiny manifest, i.e., self-evident, from God to occupy the North American continent….

But Manifest Destiny was not simply a cloak for American imperialism and a justification for America’s territorial ambitions. It also was firmly anchored in a…belief that ‘America is a nation called to a special destiny by God.’ ”
( “The Religious Origins of Manifest Destiny,”
National Humanities Center, Religion in American History )

” Advocates (of Manifest Destiny) drew parallels between America’s territorial expansion and biblical narratives, using key scriptures to legitimize national destiny, territorial conquest, and cultural superiority.

Supporters frequently cited the Abrahamic Covenant (Genesis 12:1-3), interpreting America’s westward expansion as analogous to the Israelites’ divine mandate to occupy the Promised Land. Genesis provided a framework to suggest Americans were God’s chosen people, destined for territorial growth. Similarly, Deuteronomy 1:8 (‘See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession…’) further validated claims of divine entitlement, reinforcing moral justification for displacement and colonization.

The theme of dominion and stewardship (Genesis 1:28) was another critical justification, encouraging Americans to ‘subdue’ the land…. Manifest Destiny also positioned America as uniquely chosen to propagate democracy, liberty, and Christianity, rooted in biblical passages like Matthew 5:14-16 (‘You are the light of the world…’) and Acts 13:47 (‘I have made you a light for the Gentiles…’). These scriptures reinforced America’s self-perception as a divinely sanctioned nation tasked with civilizing and evangelizing indigenous and other non-European peoples. ”
( “The Biblical Basis for Manifest Destiny, ” The Times of Israel blog )

If your god wants you to have a certain parcel of land, what other justification do you need for your occupation of it (or resistance, if you become the ones occupied)?  And such religious motivations and justifications are not pre-twentieth century relics – they are still as relevant as ever in the 21st-century.  Israel meet Gaza; pot meet kettle.

 

 

 

Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad that the more liberal, kinder, gentler, peacemaking Christians exist (even as I wish they would act more forcefully to counter their conservative & Fundy brethren’s rhetoric and actions).  But they’re fighting a never-ending battle against history, against the very nature of religion, by using religious precepts to try and mold the hearts and minds of their fellow believers (or at least those who use the language and trappings of their religion to promote their social and political agenda).  [4]

And what do we on the religion-free ( and hopefully, extremist ideology-free ) side use for our motivation?  Humanism.  As in, our humanity.  As in, realizing that every human being has something in common that transcends gender and worldview and religion and ethnic origin and all other other-nesses:  we are the same species.

We humanists/skeptics/Freethinkers/atheists know that people must care for and look out for one another; we do not outsource our motivations for doing so.  I don’t have to hate you – or love you – because you hold a different or the same worldview.  We know that acts of good, or “evil,” or the ultimate evil (indifference) are done by ourselves and for ourselves; there are no deities to command or absolve us, no devils to blame or tempt us.

 

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [5]

“Like a good student of post-modernism, I think culture is ALL narrative: we are built of the stories we choose to tell about ourselves.  And yet, like a good student of science, I don’t think we need these narratives to rob from reality.  I don’t think stories that require people to fool themselves serve us so well in the long run.  At the root of my atheism – and my writing style – is a natural tendency to try to beautify ugly truths rather than swallow beautiful lies.”  [6]

( Tim Minchin, introduction to his graduation speech,
“You’ve Always Wanted To Be An Actor,”
You Don’t Have To Have A Dream, p. 87 )

 

*   *   *

May you think carefully about the stories
you choose to tell about yourself;
May you never delegate your emotional housekeeping to someone else;
May you-who-are-too-young-to-remember-him Google Flip Wilson
and Geraldine “The devil made me buy this dress” Jones;

…and may the hijinks ensue.   [7]

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Meaning:  any women younger than moiself.

[2] In a 2021 survey, 15 percent of men said they didn’t have any close friends, up from 3 percent in 1990. In 1990, nearly half of young men said they would reach out to friends when facing a personal issue; three decades later, just over 20 percent said the same.  (NY Times )

[3] See next week’s post for more spot-on decriptives for #47.

[4] Which is what is said about any fellow believers with whom you stridently disagree:  “They are not *true* Christians; they misunderstand the *true* meaning of____”

[5] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

[6] This would be the last footnote, except that it isn’t.

[7] This is the last footnote.  So noted.

The Becoming I’m Not Scared Stiff Of

August 15, 2025

Robyn Parnell current events, freethought/humanism, friends, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, music, Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, school, science, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The Becoming I’m Not Scared Stiff Of

Department Of The Most Stupid Prejudice Of All

What is the one thing every person on this planet – regardless of gender, ethnicity, political persuasion, intelligence, religion/worldview –  is going to become?

Older.

 

 

And most of us, according to antiaging activist Ashton Applewhite, are “scarred stiff” at the prospect, despite the fact that so many of the fears we have about aging are wrong:

“How does that word (older) make you feel?  I used to feel the same way.  What was I most worried about:  Ending up drooling in some institutional hallway. And then I learned that only *four percent* of older Americans are living in nursing homes, and the percentage is dropping.

What else was I worried about?  Dementia.  Turns out that most of us can think just fine until the end. Dementia rates are dropping, too. The real epidemic is anxiety over memory loss.

I also figured that old people were depressed, because…they were old, and they were going to die soon.
It turns out that the longer people live, they less they fear dying, and that people are happiest at the beginnings and the ends of their lives.  It’s called the U Curve of Happiness, and it’s been borne out by studies around the world.”

 

 

Wouldn’t it be smart(er) to have aging – this fact-of-life inevitability –  unite rather than divide us? 

Have you had well-meaning staff, from grocery clerks to salespeople to movie ticket-takers to hospital workers, speak “old” to you (as in, talk down to/patronize you), using pet words or phrases to refer to you (“honey, sweetie, darling,” etc.) which you have not given them permission to use?  Chances are, if you’re over age 55 you’ll begin to notice that people are starting to treat you like you’re getting old.

Even worse is when you don’t notice the change in treatment, or accept it as inevitable, or become numb to your same-age peers adopting the negative social constructs and constraints of aging:  they will say that they are getting old, and attribute any ache/complaint/physical or mental mishap to aging. You’ll see them giving up on making healthier choices in their lifestyles and activities ( “It’s too late/I’m too old/you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” ); they’ve resigned themselves to the supposed inevitabilities of physical and mental decline, and thus, such declines become self-fulfilling prophecies.

 

 

Those self-fulfilling prophecies “harm our health and constrain our futures,” but we can take a critical step to fight this – first, by becoming aware of the ageism all around us. For example, how do you refer to yourself, and others of a certain age?

Even self-deprecating jokes betray ageist prejudices:

“Sorry I’m late; I had a Senior Moment – forgot where I left my shoes.”

How many forgetful/scatter-brained incidents did you have when you were a child or young(er) adult?  Innumerable, is my guess, but when my high school friends (or my now young adult offspring) forgot where they left their keys, they did not chastise themselves for having a “Junior Moment.”

How can we all stop doing this, when it seems to be almost a knee-jerk reaction, when the simple fact of aging is treated as a disease, instead of as what it is – life?

Antiaging activist Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks: An Anti-Aging manifesto,    [1]   has at least a partial solution.

“It’s not the passage of time that makes it so hard to get older. It’s ageism, a prejudice that pits us against our future selves –  and each other. Ashton Applewhite urges us to dismantle the dread and mobilize against the last socially acceptable prejudice. ‘Aging is not a problem to be fixed or a disease to be cured,’ she says. ‘It is a natural, powerful, lifelong process that unites us all.’ “

Listen to Applewhite’s TED Talk, Let’s End Ageism.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of On A Related Point…

Moiself  loves the stuttering defiance of The Who’s song, My Generation.

 

 

I can’t help but wonder if Pete Townshend, who wrote the brash youth anthem when he was 20 years old and who is now still rock ‘n rolling at age 80, would care to rephrase the song’s infamous, lyrical/primal scream declaration, “I hope I die before I get old.”

 

*   *   *

Department Of What’s The Point Of Asking, Then?

Dateline:  Monday; circa 10 am; listening to one of my favorite podcasts.   Ologies has been described as a “comedic science podcast;” host Alie Ward interviews experts in various scientific fields, exploring a different field of study (“ology”) in each episode.  Ward and her guests take an amusing *and* enlightening approach to their subject du jour, with the aim to make obscure science interesting and comprehensible to professionals and laypersons alike.

The episode I had on was Literary Olfactology (the Politics of Smell), with guest Dr. Ally Louks.  Here’s the episode’s description from the podcast website.  If you’re an obscure-science-stuff aficionada like moiself, this should grab your attention:

“Smell and culture. Scent descriptions in novels. Fragrances and class. Stink and stigmas. We cover it all. Scholar, author, and Literary Olfactologist Dr. Ally Louks burst into the zeitgeist in 2024 with her PhD thesis ‘Olfactory Ethics: The Politics Of Smell In Modern And Contemporary Pros,’ and we finally got to sit down and talk about the intersection of art and smell and culture. Breathe in the foul, the fragrant, the peppermint, the tobacco, why motel rooms smell the way they do, the forgotten organ that could control your love life, spices at the root of xenophobia, perfume ads that cruised a movement, obscenity trials, explosions, following your first love and getting the last laugh.”

 

Daughter Belle’s olfactory politics: her solution to her objection to the aroma of her mother’s roasting curry spices.

 

Once again, I digress.

The what’s-the-point-of-asking issue:  Ologies Host Alie Ward – moiself  loves most of her hosting style, despite (what I see to as) the irritating and unnecessary-but-seemingly-obligatory ritual adopted by certain folk on the Far Left®   [2]  –  begins the podcast as is her custom, introducing the guest(s) by having them introduce themselves and state their preferred pronouns.  Which, Dr. Louyks did thusly:

“Ally Louks, and I use she/her pronouns.”

Later on in the podcast, after pausing for a commercial break, Ward reintroduces her guest, describing Louks’ interests and accomplishments using the pronoun, “they.”  Several times.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Movie Quote Of The Year  [3]

“She had a butt that had a way of saying,
‘Look at me, I’m a talking butt.’ ”
( Liam Neeson, playing Lt. Frank Drebin Jr., The Naked Gun )

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of: Yeah; This.

From Daily Calm meditation app, 8-6-25, Shedding:

“A student once asked his teacher, ‘What have you gained from meditation?’
The teacher replied, ‘Nothing.  However, let me tell you what I lost.  Anger; anxiety; depression; fear of old age, and death.’

We sometimes focus on what we can get from a practice; we look for progress through measurable signs – the number of breaths we can stay present with, or how long we can sit without fidgeting.  But as our practice deepens, we discover that the gifts we perceive are not only measured in what we gather, but also what we discard.”

 

“Meditation is not evasion; it is a serene encounter with reality.”  attributed to Thich Nhat Hanh

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [4]

 

Pema Chödrön is an American-born Tibetan Buddhist author, meditation teacher, and ordained monk.

 

*   *   *

May you remember that you’re the sky and not the weather;
May you appreciate what you’ve discarded as well as gathered in life;
May you be grateful for the privilege of being alive (i.e., aging);
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

 

[1] I’m ordering a copy.

[2] For lack of a better descriptor.

[3] Not to worry, there’s a lot of the year left.

[4] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Haiku I’m No Longer Sending

August 8, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), books & magazines, current events, extended family, family life, foodie, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, music, Oregon, politics, The Write Stuff (literary life), Wow, Yikes! , , , , Comments Off on The Haiku I’m No Longer Sending

Department Of A Blast From The Past

Dateline: January. New Year; new project: taking an excerpt from a past blog, from the same time frame (the second Friday of whatever month).  Perhaps moiself  will like this enough that it will turn out to be a regular blog feature for 2025.  So far it has, but time, and my capacity for reruns, will tell.

This journey down memory lane is related to the most convincing reason a YOU-of-all-people-should-write-a-blog-why-aren’t-you-writing-a-blog?!?!?!  [1]   friend gave me, all those years ago,   [2]   as to why I should be writing a blog: a blog would serve as a journal of sorts for my life.  Journal/diary-resistant moiself  would have some sort of a record, or at least a random sampling, of what was on my mind – and possibly what was on the nation’s mind – during a certain period of time.

Now I can, for example, look back to the second Friday of a years-ago August to see what I was thinking. (or as MH put it, WHAT was I thinking!?!? )

 

 

Since I’ve been writing my blog there has been only one other August 8 which fell on a Friday. Reading through it, I can see the presumptive value of my blog (serving as “a journal of sorts”) that I was optimistic about when I started, even though I had no idea moiself  would look back 11 years later, read an entry, and marvel about how I’d forgotten about (most of) those daily correspondences I sent to my mother…and also how my concerns for my offspring’s generation – regarding the world we are making for and leaving to them – have only increased…which is something I wish I could forget.

So.  Here is an excerpt from my blog of 8-8-14 (  The Generation I’m Not talkin’ ’bout ).  Wait a minute – here’s the whole damn blog.  Moiself  be entitled to take a vacation on my father’s birthday.

 

 

 *   *   *

The PG (Parental Guidance) Post 

 

 

Dateline: Monday evening, doing my own sous chef preparation before sautéing shallots and Swiss chard.  As I strip the ruby red chard leaves from their stalks, I remember how much my father loved Swiss chard.

*   *   *

 Band of Memories

 

Chet cira 1953, on his beloved palomino stallion, Stardust.  “These are the good times”

 

I think of my father every day, and mention him often (an easy thing to do, as he was a special character), in part to keep his memory alive for K and Belle.  But when my family sees that I’ve brought out the Band of Brothers DVD box set, they know something extra is in the air.

Today would have been Chester “Chet-the-Jet” Parnell’s 90th birthday.  It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around that number.  I’ll let my heart do the binding.

 

 

When Chet wanted to relax he would haul out his old Martin guitar. He loved to serenade his kids.  Beautiful, Beautiful Brown Eyes, a traditional country tune covered by singers from Roy Acuff to Rosemary Clooney, was one of the songs Chet used to sing to me at night.

 

 

 *   *   *

 My mother is frail;
“I am winding down,” she says.
She is eighty-six.

Widowed five years now;
Her eldest child lives nearby.
I am second-born.

My two other sibs
Live in the Bay Area;
Mom is in So Cal.

 

 

Mom loathed to travel,
even when she was healthy.
And, now she cannot.

Twenty-three years plus
I’ve lived one thousand miles north,
with my family.

Mom doesn’t do much;
there’s little to talk about.
Calls can be awkward

She always refused
to learn to use computers.
Her children conspired…

We got a gadget:
“technically un-inclined”
is its user base.

 

 

A “one-way device,”
it receives and prints email
from select sources.

Pro: she gets no spam;
Con: she gets but can’t send mail
(which is fine by her).

I send her brief notes –
a small something for the day,
in her morning mail

Mondays are for jokes.
Who wouldn’t like a giggle
To begin the week?

 

 

Tuesdays I phone her.
Her moods and health are falling.
Tuesdays make me sad.

Each Wednesday I send
a Word of the Day feature.
(I choose cheerful words).

Thoughts For the Day
from minds famous and obscure,
are Thursday’s items.

Fridays are for Quotes:
adages and citations
to spark mind and heart.

Saturday, poems:
I send different verse styles,
From Browning to Lear.

Every Sunday
I send my mother haiku,
Two verses, or more.

I write them moiself;
thus, they are not quote-worthy.
Silly, but heartfelt.

 

*   *   *

 A Brief Meditation On Ways To Fail Your Children

Is that a buzz kill subject heading, or what?  If you’re looking for the feel-good post of the week, I suggest returning to the picture of the Swiss chard and using it for a gratitude meditation focal point.

I’m thinking about the many ways my father and mother succeeded, as parents…also, about those ways in which they, and parents in general, failed.

This digression is courtesy of one of my recent morning walk podcast sessions.  [3]   I was listening to the Freethought Radio interview with the president of a N.O.W. chapter, re activism resulting from the SCOTUS  [4]   Hobby Lobby decision. This topic was antithetical to the purpose of my morning walks, which are supposed to be somewhat meditative as well as invigorating.  The former purpose took a back seat to ruminative rage as I considered the seemingly unending, fact-free, conservative political and social balloon juice about a woman’s right to right to personal jurisdiction, and other issues that should have been settled so, so, long ago….

And I find myself thinking,

We failed.

We, as in, talkin’ ’bout my generation.

 

 

We have failed in so many ways, including imagination.

Thirty years ago, I couldn’t imagine we’d be fighting the same fights.   [5]   Sure, a few dinosaur fossils would remain, but I’d hoped that the battle for equality and against sexism and misogyny (at least, in this country) would be history, as in, my son and daughter would learn about it the same way they learned about women’s suffrage ( There was a time when women couldn’t vote?!  And it was less than one hundred years ago?! )

I realize that historical milestones are almost never confined to a single day or week…or even era. The campaign for women’s suffrage was not waged and won on August 18, 1920, when the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified.  Nor was the amendment a one-time antidote to the festering, cyclic, boil-on-the-ass-of-human rights that is the tendency for groups of people to oppress those they view as The Other.

 

 

*   *   *

 Power shared = power diminished.

According to one Wise Old White Guy © I had the pleasure of knowing,   [6]   there is a widely held but false axiom behind bigotry and discrimination. That was the gist of what he tried to explain, one day in our Tuesday morning book group of yore. The group stumbled onto the continuing struggle for civil and women’s rights vis-à-vis religious institutions – a provocative topic for anyone who hasn’t downed their first cup of coffee by 7 am.

I brought up what I saw as the ultimate butt-frosting, teeth-grinding, bloomer-bunching irony: in order to acquire the rights and opportunities that you, say, a woman or African-American, are denied, you have to convince a majority of those in power – the very people who have been denying you those rights – to grant them.   [7]

This prompted WOWG to share his “unfortunate observation” regarding human nature:

Few people anywhere have ever easily agreed to share power.

I knew what WOWG meant, but asked him to elaborate.  What follows is my (paraphrased) recollection of his simple but profound Walter Cronkite-ism:   [8]

 Power shared = power diminished – this is what people in power believe. But power does not diminish when shared, it multiplies.  Small, stingy, fearful minds don’t understand that – they think power is finite, or is in limited supply, and therefore sharing power with you means there is less of it for them.  This is especially true for those who are (or who see themselves as being) on the lower rungs of the power and status ladders; e.g., some of the fiercest, most vicious criticism of the civil rights movement came from poor white southern men.

He ended with:

We failed. Our generation didn’t fix that.
Maybe it can’t be fixed; but now, it’s your turn.

 *   *   *

And now, a segue to make us all feel better.    [9]

I Am A Bad Person
#359 in a never-ending series

Making travel arrangements for an upcoming family wedding, my brain did that thing it does, and conjured up a memory from a friend’s wedding, several years ago.  I was talking to a teenager at the wedding reception. When I asked her about the rather sour look on her face, she complained to me about how  “Old people at weddings always poke me in the ribs and say, ‘You’re next!’ ”

I told her she could get revenge by saying the same to them at funerals.

 

I’m sure she means next as in next in line at the buffet.

 

*   *   *

Spam Subject Line Of The Week:

IF  YOU  DON’T  READ  THIS  NOW  YOU’LL  HATE  YOURSELF  LATER !!!

I didn’t read it “now” (or at all).

It is later.

I don’t hate moiself.

Ergo, it must be my turn for an all-caps-three-exclam-attack:

VICTORY IS MINE !!!

 

Mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha

 

*   *   *

May you always be next in line for life’s buffet, and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] I was adamant about not writing a blog…thus, the title of the blog I eventually decided to write.

[2] Was it really over twelve years ago?

[3] During my morning walks I listen to podcasts of some of my favorite radio shows, including Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Freakonomics, RadioLab, This American Life, TED Talks, Fresh Air, and Freethought Radio.

[4] Which, yes, oft times seems as if it should be the acronym for Sexist Codgers (and not Supreme Court) of the United States.

[5] Only with different, and often troll-enabling – technologies.

[6] WOWG lost a brief but fierce battle with leukemia ~ 10 years ago.

[7] I remember, a long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, trying to explain to my kids, who were dealing with fledgling democracy concepts in school, how women couldn’t vote to give themselves the vote.

[8] “And that’s the way it is.”

[9] Wait a minute…there is no ninth footnote.

 

The Yoga Prop I’m Not Using

August 1, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, community, current events, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), nature, Oregon, politics, school, science, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , Comments Off on The Yoga Prop I’m Not Using

Department Of Laughing Out Loud, So Loud,
MH Comes Into My Office To See What’s Going On

Dateline:  Monday afternoon.  Moiself  is in my office, checking on the yogainternational.com site to see what routine I feel like doing.  Yogainternational is an online yoga site, where for a membership fee   [1] you can access their extensive library of recorded yoga classes, meditation resources, documentaries and films, and wellness articles.

I joined for the yoga classes.  At the site you have the option to customize your workout, to a certain degree, by selecting sorting options from five categories. 

* Style (e.g., Ashtanga; Vinyasa; Slow Flow; Restorative; “Diverse Movement”….  [2] );

* Duration ( class lengths ranging from 10 m up to 120 minutes    [3] );

* Teacher ( they have over 100 yoga teachers who’ve taped classes for them   [4]);

* Level (Beginner,  and Levels 1, 2, 3 );

* Focus ( what do you want the class to emphasize or what you’d like to work on – e.g., strength, conditioning, endurance; certain body parts – e.g.,  arms, hips; low back; physical or emotional concerns – e.g. digestion; emotional awareness; sleep better; time of day – e.g. morning wakeup, evening cool down, afternoon energy boost; using specific exercise equipment or props – e.g., foam roller; chair; blocks; straps)

 

 

You may design very specific classes according to how many categories you sort by, although your favorite yoga teacher might not have a tape of, say, a 45-minute Vinyasa style Level 2 class focusing on arm balances.

That last sorting category – focus – was the root of the Monday laughter.  I’d had a busy day and wanted to get in a bit of yoga before dinner.  A practicing yogi for over almost four decades, moiself  is perfectly capable of just doing/designing my own “class” of whatever length, but I wanted to see what the YI site had available for a relaxing quickie.  For the first time I chose the shortest class duration, 10 m.  I didn’t narrow it down by choosing a teacher or style (I figured there’d be few options at that duration); I went to Focus to see what was available ( ITAL hmm, what do I feel like focusing on for ten minutes – sleep better?  Flexibility? Reduce Stress?…) and saw an option I’d never seen before:

 

Massage Balls

 

 

Within seconds of moiself  being overcome with esophagus-clogging laughter, I figured out that those two words meant you were looking for a class which incorporated the use of the exercise balls common to Pilate, massage, and other wellness disciplines..  But, too late.  I could not stop laughing, and heard the stomping pitter patter of feet as MH came down from his upstairs office.  I indicated my computer monitor, and showed MH the Focus choice that had caught my attention.  He said he’d give his approval to that class focus.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Figuring Things Out…

Which in this case refers to moiself  figuring out why I loathe the what-is-becoming-the-standard-opener, almost a disclaimer of sort, of good intentions, which accompanies meetings, events (I’ve even seen it is the literature and/or email signatures) of certain groups, activities, and companies. You know what I mean, even if moiself   just did a lousy job of describing it:

“We wish to thank and acknowledge the Chinook, the Coast Salish,
and the Lummi peoples/tribes,
on whose original land this bake sale is being held….”

Why I find that so cringe-inducing is that it’s the secular equivalent of the virtue-signaling, “I’m sending thoughts and prayers.”

 

 

Y’all didn’t think there are equivalencies to prayers in the secular universe?  Many folks (both religious and religion-free   [5] ) tag, share, or “like” political and humanitarian causes on social media innumerable times a day.  Such actions carry the same illusion as prayer:  the illusion that you’ve actually done something.

Perhaps illusion would be better replaced wit  self-delusion:  in that when we “like” something it takes a wee bit ‘o of pressure off of us; it makes us feel good about ourselves – we’ve recognized the problem; we’ve “liked” the *correct*     [6] comments about it and/or the proposed solutions – without having actually done something other than click.

There is, of course, a neologism for it:  slacktivism.

Thanking or acknowledging the previous tenants of the land you currently occupy (we are all, ultimately, occupants, and not owners, of the earth) makes you look good  ( “I am aware; I care” ) but it accomplishes little to nothing.  There is no hard work of reconciliation or reparation or of even truly learning the history.   [7]  

 

You can even order your own fill-in-the-blanks sincere acknowledgement form on Etsy.

 

*   *   *

Department of Employee Of The Month

 

 

It’s that time, to bestow that prestigious award upon moiself.  Again. The need for which I wrote about here.   [8] 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [9]

 

 

 

*   *   *

May our activism eclipse our slacktivism;
May something cause you to laugh so long and so loud
that someone else feels obligated to check on you;
May you have fun choosing and using your class yoga props;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Monthly or yearly, it comes out to *way* less than taking classes at a yoga studio…but, at a studio you have the camaraderie of other students and teachers.

[2] Whatever that means…most likely incorporation dance or non-yoga…?  I should check it out.

[3] Depending on time of day/what else I’ve done during the day, I’ve varied from the 20, 30, 45, 60 or 75 minute classes.

[4] Some of whom I’m familiar due to decades of doing their tapes; some are “famous” (or infamous) within yoga and some are not; some are newer/unknown to moiself…

[5] Yep, like moiself.

[6] Right as politically correct, depending on which side of the political zipper y’all hang.

[7] If that is even possible, or desirable, and what such reconciliations and reparations would look like.  Difficult; thorny stuff…no wonder the “Yeah, I  know this used to be someone else’s neighborhood” seems preferable.

[8] Several years ago, MH received a particularly glowing performance review from his workplace. As happy as I was for him when he shared the news, it left me with a certain melancholy I couldn’t quite peg.  Until I did.

One of the many “things” about being a writer (or any occupation working freelance at/from home) is that although you avoid the petty bureaucratic policies, bungling bosses, mean girls’ and boys’ cliques, office politics and other irritations inherent in going to a workplace, you also lack the camaraderie and other social perks that come with being surrounded by your fellow homo sapiens.  No one praises me for fixing the paper jam in the copy machine, or thanks me for staying late and helping the new guy with a special project, or otherwise says, Good on you, sister. Once I realized the source of the left-out feelings, I came up with a small way to lighten them.

[9] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.  No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org