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The Man I’m Not Keeping

August 22, 2025

Robyn Parnell are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), books & magazines, community, current events, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Isms (religion), movies, music, nature, Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, school, science, travel, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The Man I’m Not Keeping

Department Of Another Spot-on Neologism

Mankeeping.

 

Actually, Mr. Bean, you probably don’t.

Mankeeping may sound funny, or, if you’re a socially-and-politically-conservative-inclined man you might feel a twinge of, Why they do keep picking on us?!?!

Except that it’s not nit-picking, or even picking.  The term describes a real problem.

Republicans and religious/cultural conservatives and their women-should-be-breeders-not-leaders  allies decry the USA’s falling fertility rates.  They wonder aloud why younger women in particular are avoiding marriage and children; they – surprise! – don’t see/won’t acknowledge the reasons that are literally staring them in the face (or ghosting them online)…because, you know, men figuring out the reasons for social/cultural/romance-and-family-related trends?

 

“My girlfriend takes care of that kinda stuff.”

 

Y’all seen any of these headlines/read any of these articles lately?  Perhaps moiself  should alter my intro:  lately.  Because the thing is, although it’s new to media attention, this is not a lately phenomenon.  This is something I’ve heard/read about from women of all ages (now, younger women  [1]  in particular), for years.  Somebody finally named it.

” Why Women Are Weary of the Emotional Labor of ‘Mankeeping.’
As male social circles shrink, female partners say they have to meet more social and emotional needs.” ( The New York Times )

* ” Mankeeping is ruining dating for women who are tired of relationship burnout:
‘I’m not your therapist’.”   ( NY Post )

*  “Some women are reportedly opting out of dating or ending relationships due to
the exhaustion and frustration associated with Mankeeping.”

 *  Mankeeping: Why single women are giving up dating. ( The Guardian ) 

Mankeeping is a first cousin to the term kinkeeping, which describes how when women marry they are essentially delegated the role of Emotional Connections Manager ® within and between families – their own family of origin, sure, but also their husbands’.  This is for-most-part-invisible labor that women do in their romantic relationships with men.  This highly unequal distribution of labor – wherein women are expected to carry a disproportionate share of the emotional and social burden in heterosexual relationships – has been going on for decades.  But studies show that it is increasing…and younger women are noticing the dynamic, and going on labor strike.

 

 

Two of the best encapsulation of the problem:

“This trend isn’t about losing interest in love; it’s about women walking away from the role of unpaid emotional caregivers….
Think of it as emotional housekeeping:  women are acting as therapists, mood managers, event planners, and emotional sounding boards, all while rarely receiving the same support in return.
( from ” What is ‘Mankeeping’, the latest (sic) trend that’s making women quit dating,”  Times of India  )

“Researchers at Stanford have finally given a name to something many women have been dealing with for years. It’s called mankeeping. And it’s helping explain why so many women are stepping away from dating altogether….
Mankeeping describes the emotional labor women end up doing in heterosexual relationships. It goes beyond remembering birthdays or coordinating social plans. It means being your partner’s one-man support system. Managing his stress. Interpreting his moods. Holding his hand through feelings he won’t share with anyone else. All of it unpaid, unacknowledged, and often unreciprocated.
The root of the issue is tied to what experts are calling the male loneliness epidemic. As more men report having fewer close friendships, romantic partners are expected to pick up the slack. Instead of processing with friends, many men offload everything onto the woman they’re dating. She becomes his entire emotional infrastructure.”
( Excerpts, my emphases,
“Mankeeping is why women are done with dating.” “Vice )

Our social connections with fellow human beings are crucial indicators of our overall mental and physical well-being.  There is a vital link between social bonds/friendship and mental and physical health.  Whether the blame is technology/screen addiction, career priorities, increased geographic mobility or whatever, the fact that men’s social circles are shrinking and men are struggling to form close kinship bonds is a growing and well-documented issue.    [2] 

And then there’s this:

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of All The Life Advice You Need In 117 Pages
(Plus Illustrations)

That may be found in Tim Minchin’s You Don’t Have To Have A Dream, and other life lessons.  Although, as per the previous topic, I don’t think Minchin offers a direct solution to mankeeping, he’s the kind of man who would notice the problem and neither pooh-pooh its existence nor delegate the solution to the women in his life.

I think I’ll just keep reading this book, over and over.  It is – well, Minchin’s website does such a good job of describing it I tossed the summary I was writing and cribbed theirs:

“…a beautifully idiosyncratic celebration of life, art, success, love, and thriving in a meaningless universe, drawn from three iconic speeches from Tim Minchin… his most beloved university commencement addresses, which have amassed over 100 million views online…it is a rallying cry for creativity, critical thinking, and compassion in our daily lives.”

 

 

I adore Minchin’s work.  Minchin, an Australian, writes that the thing he is best in the world at is “…being a science-obsessed uber-rhymey polemicist pianist singer-satirist wanker.”  He’s one of those damn, much-more-creative-than-you’ll-ever-be polymaths:  musician, singer, composer, author, actor.  See him perform live if and whenever you can; if not, or in addition to that, read the book.  His take on the have a dream/follow your passion trope, which has always seemed ludicrous/first-world-privileged nonsense/insulting-and-missing-the-point  to moiself, is pithily and wittily spot-on.  Here’s a couple of teasers, from his humorous and heartfelt Nine Life Lessons commencement address to the University of Western Australia, 2013 ( you can listen to the speech here ):

 

 

“Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams.  Fine, if you have something that you’ve always dreamed of, like in your heart, go for it!  After all, it’s something to do with your time…chasing a dream.  And if it’s a big enough one, it’ll take you most of your life to achieve, so by the time you get to it and are staring into the abyss of the meaninglessness of our achievement you’ll be almost dead, so it won’t matter.
I never really had one of these big dreams.  I advocate passionate dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals.  Be micro-ambitious.  Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you…You never know where you might end up.  Just be aware that the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery.  Which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams.  If you focus too far in front of you, you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye.”

“A valuable idea is usually one that has been carefully considered.  Our feelings are not virtuous purely by virtue of how keenly we feel them.  Take time to hone your opinions, then take pride in how you express them.”

 

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Religious Folks Frustrated
By And With Their Fellow Religious Folks

I hear, I read, about the righteous (ahem) anger and frustration of Christians who believe that the message of their faith is being ignored or warped or hijacked by The Cheetos Satan   [3] and his minions. These frustrated believers cite scriptures which indicate that the actions of far-right Christians either ignore or contradict what Jesus taught and instructed his followers to do.  I’m sure moiself  has even shared some of those posts.

The thing is, I think they’re wrong.  Their religion is not being hijacked.  Their religion is doing what it –  what any religion –  has always done: illustrate the dangers of religion.

Throughout Christianity’s history its adherents have argued, split into factions and denominations, shunned and oppressed and harassed and derided and killed other adherents over interpretations of what Christians are supposed to be doing and what they are supposed to believe in, and what are the justifications for these actions and beliefs. The same religion that, according to the adherents, spurs them toward “good works” also spurs their fellow believers toward discrimination of all kinds: sexism and racism and all of the anti-other-isms.  All this is done in the name of what their god supposedly wants or doesn’t want, what their deity forbids or prescribes. Anything can and is justified via the quoting of ancient texts.

 

Of course, y’all can have similar results with any application of any extremist ideology. But with religion, you have the added inducement ( meaning, no other choice, for some believers) of appealing to what a supposed all-powerful deity wants you to do, with the added impetus of punishment or reward, both in the here-and-now and in some future life/afterlife.  Here’s just one of 12,967 (estimated) examples:

Tell some poor tenant farmers that there are opportunities for them if they undertake a monumental task:

“Land – free land, as a matter of fact!  You will be your own man, no longer beholden to the landlord.  And yeah, so, the land is currently, er, somewhat…occupied.  But you can – and should, as a loyal, god-fearin’ American – just go there and take it. It’s gonna be good for both you and for your country…”

Ummm…yeah?  That sounds sketchy, not to mention dangerous. No thanks.

But promote the same actions with the holy cause of Manifest Destiny – and it’s,  Praise de Lawd and which way to the Oregon Trail!?

 

“American Progress,” (1872, by John Gast).  American Progress was a symbol of and synonym for Manifest Destiny.

 

“… expansion represented ‘the fulfillment of our manifest destiny to overspread the continent allotted by Providence for the free development of our yearly multiplying millions.’…

‘Manifest Destiny’…claimed that America had a destiny manifest, i.e., self-evident, from God to occupy the North American continent….

But Manifest Destiny was not simply a cloak for American imperialism and a justification for America’s territorial ambitions. It also was firmly anchored in a…belief that ‘America is a nation called to a special destiny by God.’ ”
( “The Religious Origins of Manifest Destiny,”
National Humanities Center, Religion in American History )

” Advocates (of Manifest Destiny) drew parallels between America’s territorial expansion and biblical narratives, using key scriptures to legitimize national destiny, territorial conquest, and cultural superiority.

Supporters frequently cited the Abrahamic Covenant (Genesis 12:1-3), interpreting America’s westward expansion as analogous to the Israelites’ divine mandate to occupy the Promised Land. Genesis provided a framework to suggest Americans were God’s chosen people, destined for territorial growth. Similarly, Deuteronomy 1:8 (‘See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession…’) further validated claims of divine entitlement, reinforcing moral justification for displacement and colonization.

The theme of dominion and stewardship (Genesis 1:28) was another critical justification, encouraging Americans to ‘subdue’ the land…. Manifest Destiny also positioned America as uniquely chosen to propagate democracy, liberty, and Christianity, rooted in biblical passages like Matthew 5:14-16 (‘You are the light of the world…’) and Acts 13:47 (‘I have made you a light for the Gentiles…’). These scriptures reinforced America’s self-perception as a divinely sanctioned nation tasked with civilizing and evangelizing indigenous and other non-European peoples. ”
( “The Biblical Basis for Manifest Destiny, ” The Times of Israel blog )

If your god wants you to have a certain parcel of land, what other justification do you need for your occupation of it (or resistance, if you become the ones occupied)?  And such religious motivations and justifications are not pre-twentieth century relics – they are still as relevant as ever in the 21st-century.  Israel meet Gaza; pot meet kettle.

 

 

 

Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad that the more liberal, kinder, gentler, peacemaking Christians exist (even as I wish they would act more forcefully to counter their conservative & Fundy brethren’s rhetoric and actions).  But they’re fighting a never-ending battle against history, against the very nature of religion, by using religious precepts to try and mold the hearts and minds of their fellow believers (or at least those who use the language and trappings of their religion to promote their social and political agenda).  [4]

And what do we on the religion-free ( and hopefully, extremist ideology-free ) side use for our motivation?  Humanism.  As in, our humanity.  As in, realizing that every human being has something in common that transcends gender and worldview and religion and ethnic origin and all other other-nesses:  we are the same species.

We humanists/skeptics/Freethinkers/atheists know that people must care for and look out for one another; we do not outsource our motivations for doing so.  I don’t have to hate you – or love you – because you hold a different or the same worldview.  We know that acts of good, or “evil,” or the ultimate evil (indifference) are done by ourselves and for ourselves; there are no deities to command or absolve us, no devils to blame or tempt us.

 

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [5]

“Like a good student of post-modernism, I think culture is ALL narrative: we are built of the stories we choose to tell about ourselves.  And yet, like a good student of science, I don’t think we need these narratives to rob from reality.  I don’t think stories that require people to fool themselves serve us so well in the long run.  At the root of my atheism – and my writing style – is a natural tendency to try to beautify ugly truths rather than swallow beautiful lies.”  [6]

( Tim Minchin, introduction to his graduation speech,
“You’ve Always Wanted To Be An Actor,”
You Don’t Have To Have A Dream, p. 87 )

 

*   *   *

May you think carefully about the stories
you choose to tell about yourself;
May you never delegate your emotional housekeeping to someone else;
May you-who-are-too-young-to-remember-him Google Flip Wilson
and Geraldine “The devil made me buy this dress” Jones;

…and may the hijinks ensue.   [7]

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Meaning:  any women younger than moiself.

[2] In a 2021 survey, 15 percent of men said they didn’t have any close friends, up from 3 percent in 1990. In 1990, nearly half of young men said they would reach out to friends when facing a personal issue; three decades later, just over 20 percent said the same.  (NY Times )

[3] See next week’s post for more spot-on decriptives for #47.

[4] Which is what is said about any fellow believers with whom you stridently disagree:  “They are not *true* Christians; they misunderstand the *true* meaning of____”

[5] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

[6] This would be the last footnote, except that it isn’t.

[7] This is the last footnote.  So noted.

The Becoming I’m Not Scared Stiff Of

August 15, 2025

Robyn Parnell current events, freethought/humanism, friends, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, music, Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, school, science, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The Becoming I’m Not Scared Stiff Of

Department Of The Most Stupid Prejudice Of All

What is the one thing every person on this planet – regardless of gender, ethnicity, political persuasion, intelligence, religion/worldview –  is going to become?

Older.

 

 

And most of us, according to antiaging activist Ashton Applewhite, are “scarred stiff” at the prospect, despite the fact that so many of the fears we have about aging are wrong:

“How does that word (older) make you feel?  I used to feel the same way.  What was I most worried about:  Ending up drooling in some institutional hallway. And then I learned that only *four percent* of older Americans are living in nursing homes, and the percentage is dropping.

What else was I worried about?  Dementia.  Turns out that most of us can think just fine until the end. Dementia rates are dropping, too. The real epidemic is anxiety over memory loss.

I also figured that old people were depressed, because…they were old, and they were going to die soon.
It turns out that the longer people live, they less they fear dying, and that people are happiest at the beginnings and the ends of their lives.  It’s called the U Curve of Happiness, and it’s been borne out by studies around the world.”

 

 

Wouldn’t it be smart(er) to have aging – this fact-of-life inevitability –  unite rather than divide us? 

Have you had well-meaning staff, from grocery clerks to salespeople to movie ticket-takers to hospital workers, speak “old” to you (as in, talk down to/patronize you), using pet words or phrases to refer to you (“honey, sweetie, darling,” etc.) which you have not given them permission to use?  Chances are, if you’re over age 55 you’ll begin to notice that people are starting to treat you like you’re getting old.

Even worse is when you don’t notice the change in treatment, or accept it as inevitable, or become numb to your same-age peers adopting the negative social constructs and constraints of aging:  they will say that they are getting old, and attribute any ache/complaint/physical or mental mishap to aging. You’ll see them giving up on making healthier choices in their lifestyles and activities ( “It’s too late/I’m too old/you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” ); they’ve resigned themselves to the supposed inevitabilities of physical and mental decline, and thus, such declines become self-fulfilling prophecies.

 

 

Those self-fulfilling prophecies “harm our health and constrain our futures,” but we can take a critical step to fight this – first, by becoming aware of the ageism all around us. For example, how do you refer to yourself, and others of a certain age?

Even self-deprecating jokes betray ageist prejudices:

“Sorry I’m late; I had a Senior Moment – forgot where I left my shoes.”

How many forgetful/scatter-brained incidents did you have when you were a child or young(er) adult?  Innumerable, is my guess, but when my high school friends (or my now young adult offspring) forgot where they left their keys, they did not chastise themselves for having a “Junior Moment.”

How can we all stop doing this, when it seems to be almost a knee-jerk reaction, when the simple fact of aging is treated as a disease, instead of as what it is – life?

Antiaging activist Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks: An Anti-Aging manifesto,    [1]   has at least a partial solution.

“It’s not the passage of time that makes it so hard to get older. It’s ageism, a prejudice that pits us against our future selves –  and each other. Ashton Applewhite urges us to dismantle the dread and mobilize against the last socially acceptable prejudice. ‘Aging is not a problem to be fixed or a disease to be cured,’ she says. ‘It is a natural, powerful, lifelong process that unites us all.’ “

Listen to Applewhite’s TED Talk, Let’s End Ageism.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of On A Related Point…

Moiself  loves the stuttering defiance of The Who’s song, My Generation.

 

 

I can’t help but wonder if Pete Townshend, who wrote the brash youth anthem when he was 20 years old and who is now still rock ‘n rolling at age 80, would care to rephrase the song’s infamous, lyrical/primal scream declaration, “I hope I die before I get old.”

 

*   *   *

Department Of What’s The Point Of Asking, Then?

Dateline:  Monday; circa 10 am; listening to one of my favorite podcasts.   Ologies has been described as a “comedic science podcast;” host Alie Ward interviews experts in various scientific fields, exploring a different field of study (“ology”) in each episode.  Ward and her guests take an amusing *and* enlightening approach to their subject du jour, with the aim to make obscure science interesting and comprehensible to professionals and laypersons alike.

The episode I had on was Literary Olfactology (the Politics of Smell), with guest Dr. Ally Louks.  Here’s the episode’s description from the podcast website.  If you’re an obscure-science-stuff aficionada like moiself, this should grab your attention:

“Smell and culture. Scent descriptions in novels. Fragrances and class. Stink and stigmas. We cover it all. Scholar, author, and Literary Olfactologist Dr. Ally Louks burst into the zeitgeist in 2024 with her PhD thesis ‘Olfactory Ethics: The Politics Of Smell In Modern And Contemporary Pros,’ and we finally got to sit down and talk about the intersection of art and smell and culture. Breathe in the foul, the fragrant, the peppermint, the tobacco, why motel rooms smell the way they do, the forgotten organ that could control your love life, spices at the root of xenophobia, perfume ads that cruised a movement, obscenity trials, explosions, following your first love and getting the last laugh.”

 

Daughter Belle’s olfactory politics: her solution to her objection to the aroma of her mother’s roasting curry spices.

 

Once again, I digress.

The what’s-the-point-of-asking issue:  Ologies Host Alie Ward – moiself  loves most of her hosting style, despite (what I see to as) the irritating and unnecessary-but-seemingly-obligatory ritual adopted by certain folk on the Far Left®   [2]  –  begins the podcast as is her custom, introducing the guest(s) by having them introduce themselves and state their preferred pronouns.  Which, Dr. Louyks did thusly:

“Ally Louks, and I use she/her pronouns.”

Later on in the podcast, after pausing for a commercial break, Ward reintroduces her guest, describing Louks’ interests and accomplishments using the pronoun, “they.”  Several times.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Movie Quote Of The Year  [3]

“She had a butt that had a way of saying,
‘Look at me, I’m a talking butt.’ ”
( Liam Neeson, playing Lt. Frank Drebin Jr., The Naked Gun )

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of: Yeah; This.

From Daily Calm meditation app, 8-6-25, Shedding:

“A student once asked his teacher, ‘What have you gained from meditation?’
The teacher replied, ‘Nothing.  However, let me tell you what I lost.  Anger; anxiety; depression; fear of old age, and death.’

We sometimes focus on what we can get from a practice; we look for progress through measurable signs – the number of breaths we can stay present with, or how long we can sit without fidgeting.  But as our practice deepens, we discover that the gifts we perceive are not only measured in what we gather, but also what we discard.”

 

“Meditation is not evasion; it is a serene encounter with reality.”  attributed to Thich Nhat Hanh

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [4]

 

Pema Chödrön is an American-born Tibetan Buddhist author, meditation teacher, and ordained monk.

 

*   *   *

May you remember that you’re the sky and not the weather;
May you appreciate what you’ve discarded as well as gathered in life;
May you be grateful for the privilege of being alive (i.e., aging);
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

 

[1] I’m ordering a copy.

[2] For lack of a better descriptor.

[3] Not to worry, there’s a lot of the year left.

[4] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Yoga Prop I’m Not Using

August 1, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, community, current events, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), nature, Oregon, politics, school, science, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , Comments Off on The Yoga Prop I’m Not Using

Department Of Laughing Out Loud, So Loud,
MH Comes Into My Office To See What’s Going On

Dateline:  Monday afternoon.  Moiself  is in my office, checking on the yogainternational.com site to see what routine I feel like doing.  Yogainternational is an online yoga site, where for a membership fee   [1] you can access their extensive library of recorded yoga classes, meditation resources, documentaries and films, and wellness articles.

I joined for the yoga classes.  At the site you have the option to customize your workout, to a certain degree, by selecting sorting options from five categories. 

* Style (e.g., Ashtanga; Vinyasa; Slow Flow; Restorative; “Diverse Movement”….  [2] );

* Duration ( class lengths ranging from 10 m up to 120 minutes    [3] );

* Teacher ( they have over 100 yoga teachers who’ve taped classes for them   [4]);

* Level (Beginner,  and Levels 1, 2, 3 );

* Focus ( what do you want the class to emphasize or what you’d like to work on – e.g., strength, conditioning, endurance; certain body parts – e.g.,  arms, hips; low back; physical or emotional concerns – e.g. digestion; emotional awareness; sleep better; time of day – e.g. morning wakeup, evening cool down, afternoon energy boost; using specific exercise equipment or props – e.g., foam roller; chair; blocks; straps)

 

 

You may design very specific classes according to how many categories you sort by, although your favorite yoga teacher might not have a tape of, say, a 45-minute Vinyasa style Level 2 class focusing on arm balances.

That last sorting category – focus – was the root of the Monday laughter.  I’d had a busy day and wanted to get in a bit of yoga before dinner.  A practicing yogi for over almost four decades, moiself  is perfectly capable of just doing/designing my own “class” of whatever length, but I wanted to see what the YI site had available for a relaxing quickie.  For the first time I chose the shortest class duration, 10 m.  I didn’t narrow it down by choosing a teacher or style (I figured there’d be few options at that duration); I went to Focus to see what was available ( ITAL hmm, what do I feel like focusing on for ten minutes – sleep better?  Flexibility? Reduce Stress?…) and saw an option I’d never seen before:

 

Massage Balls

 

 

Within seconds of moiself  being overcome with esophagus-clogging laughter, I figured out that those two words meant you were looking for a class which incorporated the use of the exercise balls common to Pilate, massage, and other wellness disciplines..  But, too late.  I could not stop laughing, and heard the stomping pitter patter of feet as MH came down from his upstairs office.  I indicated my computer monitor, and showed MH the Focus choice that had caught my attention.  He said he’d give his approval to that class focus.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Figuring Things Out…

Which in this case refers to moiself  figuring out why I loathe the what-is-becoming-the-standard-opener, almost a disclaimer of sort, of good intentions, which accompanies meetings, events (I’ve even seen it is the literature and/or email signatures) of certain groups, activities, and companies. You know what I mean, even if moiself   just did a lousy job of describing it:

“We wish to thank and acknowledge the Chinook, the Coast Salish,
and the Lummi peoples/tribes,
on whose original land this bake sale is being held….”

Why I find that so cringe-inducing is that it’s the secular equivalent of the virtue-signaling, “I’m sending thoughts and prayers.”

 

 

Y’all didn’t think there are equivalencies to prayers in the secular universe?  Many folks (both religious and religion-free   [5] ) tag, share, or “like” political and humanitarian causes on social media innumerable times a day.  Such actions carry the same illusion as prayer:  the illusion that you’ve actually done something.

Perhaps illusion would be better replaced wit  self-delusion:  in that when we “like” something it takes a wee bit ‘o of pressure off of us; it makes us feel good about ourselves – we’ve recognized the problem; we’ve “liked” the *correct*     [6] comments about it and/or the proposed solutions – without having actually done something other than click.

There is, of course, a neologism for it:  slacktivism.

Thanking or acknowledging the previous tenants of the land you currently occupy (we are all, ultimately, occupants, and not owners, of the earth) makes you look good  ( “I am aware; I care” ) but it accomplishes little to nothing.  There is no hard work of reconciliation or reparation or of even truly learning the history.   [7]  

 

You can even order your own fill-in-the-blanks sincere acknowledgement form on Etsy.

 

*   *   *

Department of Employee Of The Month

 

 

It’s that time, to bestow that prestigious award upon moiself.  Again. The need for which I wrote about here.   [8] 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [9]

 

 

 

*   *   *

May our activism eclipse our slacktivism;
May something cause you to laugh so long and so loud
that someone else feels obligated to check on you;
May you have fun choosing and using your class yoga props;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Monthly or yearly, it comes out to *way* less than taking classes at a yoga studio…but, at a studio you have the camaraderie of other students and teachers.

[2] Whatever that means…most likely incorporation dance or non-yoga…?  I should check it out.

[3] Depending on time of day/what else I’ve done during the day, I’ve varied from the 20, 30, 45, 60 or 75 minute classes.

[4] Some of whom I’m familiar due to decades of doing their tapes; some are “famous” (or infamous) within yoga and some are not; some are newer/unknown to moiself…

[5] Yep, like moiself.

[6] Right as politically correct, depending on which side of the political zipper y’all hang.

[7] If that is even possible, or desirable, and what such reconciliations and reparations would look like.  Difficult; thorny stuff…no wonder the “Yeah, I  know this used to be someone else’s neighborhood” seems preferable.

[8] Several years ago, MH received a particularly glowing performance review from his workplace. As happy as I was for him when he shared the news, it left me with a certain melancholy I couldn’t quite peg.  Until I did.

One of the many “things” about being a writer (or any occupation working freelance at/from home) is that although you avoid the petty bureaucratic policies, bungling bosses, mean girls’ and boys’ cliques, office politics and other irritations inherent in going to a workplace, you also lack the camaraderie and other social perks that come with being surrounded by your fellow homo sapiens.  No one praises me for fixing the paper jam in the copy machine, or thanks me for staying late and helping the new guy with a special project, or otherwise says, Good on you, sister. Once I realized the source of the left-out feelings, I came up with a small way to lighten them.

[9] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.  No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Better Person Travel Is Not Making Me

July 25, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), books & magazines, community, family life, freethought/humanism, friends, health & wellness, Holidays, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, music, nature, Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, school, science, sports, travel, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , 2 Comments

 

Department of The Retrievals is Back…

…and this second season is also riveting.  Have you ever been pregnant, known anyone who was pregnant, or are yourself the result of your mother’s pregnancy?  Yeah, I’m saying everyone should listen to this.

The Retrievals second season was inspired by the podcast’s first season,    [1]   which dealt with the broad (sorry) issue of women’s pain being ignored during medical procedures as seen through the lens of a specific scandal: a nurse was stealing painkillers from the Yale Fertility Center, and the saline substitute some patients received instead of a painkillers meant they were in agony during the procedures they were undergoing…and the medical professionals performing the procedures didn’t believe them.

Season 2 is a new story. It’s not about Yale medical clinics or fertility treatments, but it’s definitely a related subject. Susan Burton, the producer of the first season, goes behind the scenes at a Chicago hospital as a group of doctors and nurses struggles to address this issue of women’s pain after one of their own nurses undergoes an excruciating C-section.

 

 

After The Retrievals season one, Burton received many, many letters from women sharing their stories of medical nightmares due to anesthesia failure.  Burton was compelled to focus season two of The Retrievals on a persistent problem with the most common surgical procedure performed in the US:  the inexcusably high rate   [2]  of inadequate anesthesia and/or anesthesia failure during cesarean sections.  As in, the patient can *feel* the operation, and too often (too often means even once – this should NEVER happen) is ignored or pooh-poohed by her doctor and/or anesthesiologist and/or nurse, with no acknowledgement of her suffering or investigation as to what went wrong.

This teaser excerpt, from episode three, is a conversation between podcast host Burton and one of her guests, Susanna Stanford, a British woman who undertook a graduate’s degree study into this issue after she endured agonizing pain during her own C-section.  And, yes, that quote from the doctor you will be reading was taken from this century, and not the 1800s.

 

 

Susanna Stanford, podcast guest:
…Just to give you a sense of how accepted this was, this is an editorial from 2006 in the International Journal of Obstetric Anesthesia.

Susan Burton, host:
The editorial, by a British doctor, was about the necessity of keeping good records in case you ever got sued by a woman who complained of pain during her Cesarean.

Susanna Stanford:
“Let me read to you the opening section:
‘It was all so simple in the old days. You simply injected the local anesthetic down the epidural, warned her that she’d feel a bit of pain, and told the obstetrician to get on with it. And then things began to become more complicated.
First, women began to complain more, no doubt fueled by general changes in patients’ attitudes as they made the transition from passive recipients of health care to consumers.’
Doesn’t that just tell you so much?”

Susan Burton:
“I mean, it’s just like, well, the women started speaking up.”

Susanna Stanford:
“Damn it. Those wretched women started complaining about pain.”

Susan Burton:
“I cannot believe this. This is 2007, 2006?”

Susanna Stanford:
“ ‘06. 2006. It’s not the 1950s.”

 

 

The Dowager is shocked.

 

*   *   *

*   *   *

Department Of A Different Kind Of Shock

“Culture shock is the growing pains of a broader perspective.”

Moiself  could summarize a recent Rick Steves podcast interview with that quote of his.  Travel guru Steves (whose recent book, On the Hippie Trail: Istanbul to Kathmandu and the Making of a Travel Writer,  I highly enjoyed and recommend,) is known for his enthusiastic advocacy of cross-cultural travel as a political as well as recreational act.  And although I’ve been on three RS tours    [3]   (and, if I’m lucky, will undertake at least three more), one of Steves’  most treasured travel tenets is one moiself  disagrees with…slightly.

This precept is that travel changes a person – travel makes you a better person, in that the exposure to different people and cultures helps us celebrate differences and overcome misunderstandings and question prejudices and presumptions, large and small.

 

 

I think that *can* happen, but only if you are the type of person prone to introspection and open to change…and if you are, perhaps you wouldn’t have needed, ultimately or eventually, to go to Bosnia or Turkey or Greece to have discovered this (maybe just watching a Rick Steves Europe Travel Videos from the comfort of your den would do).

I think that instead of experiencing eye-opening, mind-altering change when they travel to foreign lands, more often than not, people take who they are and what they think with them – most folks pack their opinions and biases along with their toiletries and passports. For some travelers the opinions/biases can fit into a TSA-approved ziplock sack; while others will need to check at least one full-sized suitcase to accommodate their assumptions and expectations.  [4]

 

 

Whenever I hear someone repeat any variation of that optimistic cliché platitude – that travel makes you a better person – I immediately, unfortunately, picture (even if only for a moment) several people I’ve met who didn’t get that memo along with their passports, including  One Of The More Racist People I’ve Ever Known ® .

OOTMRPIEK, the father of a junior high friend of mine, was the first person I heard use the slur  jigaboo to refer to a Black person.  He did this openly, in front of me, when I was at my friend’s home and peeked into their TV room to say hi to her dad. OOTMRPIEK was watching an LA Lakers game, and after some spectacular play which brought the crowd to a roar he giggled and said to me,  “Those jigaboos sure can jump!”  I had no idea what he meant; I’d never heard the word.   [5]   But since that tittering comment of his was soon followed by another in which he (still giggling) used the N-word,  [6]  I knew it was not a complimentary term, no matter how happy he looked when he said it.

OOTMRPIEK was always nice to me and (as far as I know) to his daughter’s other (white) friends.  And OOTMRPIEK  was a world vagabond – the most well-traveled person I’ve ever met, then or now. Travel was his hobby, his passion.  His daughter and I used to speculate about how her dad must be a CIA operative, and his cover was that of a mild-mannered suburbanite – how else to explain why an otherwise meek-seeming husband and father and insurance agent was always heading off for exotic locations?

 

“I’m here to check if you have adequate coverage via your homeowner’s policy.”

 

Over the years when I asked OOTMRPIEK  to tell me stories about his travels, it became evident to moiself  that he traveled for his interest in the history, the geography, the scenery of places “exotic” to him.  I tried to elicit stories about the people he encountered and noticed the commonality among the nations about whose inhabitants he spoke disparagingly (African; Middle Eastern; Asian).  Even for the countries about which he spoke positively  (European), he honestly seemed, to me, to have had no great (nor even small) concern for the *people* living in the countries he traveled to. Therefore, he could enjoy a trip to the exotic Egypt and the intriguing Middle East and witness a spectacular Sub-Saharan sunset, and return home to joke about niggers and  jigaboos.

 

 

Sub-Department Of Speaking Of Perspectives…

Y’all may have noticed that with my first usage of that YOU  SHALL  NEVER  USE  THIS  WORD  word   [7],  I used the culturally-sensitive currently acceptable stunt double (“the N-word”).    Now, by not doing so with the second usage, moiself  is wondering if this post will somehow get flagged.  When on the rare occasion I’ve had cause to use that word – which is always quoting someone else who said it – I usually (when in the presence of those with delicate sensibilities) employ the euphemistic contraction.  But it seems rather juvenile to do so when quoting what another person actually said (and there is, to my knowledge, no  J-word substitute for jigaboo).  So maybe I’ll throw in some other words and see which one gets the most censorious reaction.

How’s about cocksucker?

 

 

“It is remarkable to me that people can travel
and not be impacted by what they see.”

That statement came from the person who interviewed     [8]   Rick Steves, when he mentioned to Steves about how he was once sitting at the foot of a melting glacier, next to a fellow traveler who announced that he doesn’t believe in climate change.

OK, so that was remarkable to Mr. Interviewer, but guess what?  For a significant amount of people, no amount of foreign travel –

– which BTW increases the amount of carbon into the air, which even We-Who-Are-Open-To-Change-And-Concerned-About-Working-For-Solutions-To-Global-Warming®  nevertheless contribute to the problem by taking jet planes to Europe or wherever –

– will likely change their perspective.  It’s not that simple.  People often come to such opinions via a complicated jumble of religious and cultural and political influences.  I think by the time Mr. Interviewer met the What Melting Glacier? Guy, WMGG had already, consciously or otherwise, decided not to see what he didn’t want to see.

 

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [9]

 

*   *   *

May you listen to The Retrievals;
May you carefully employ your euphemistic contractions;
May your travels be respectful and bring perspective;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] The series, reported and hosted by Susan Burton, won a buttload of “best podcast” awards and a Peabody Award.

[2] Also inexcusably high is the USA’s rate of C-sections – one in three births.

[3] Three two weeks+  trips to the Adriatic (Slovenia; Bosnia; Croatia), Scandinavia (Sweden, Denmark; Norway) and Ireland.

[4] So much for the suitcase metaphors.

[5] Really – later after I’d gone home, I asked my parents what it meant. Their first response: “Where did you hear that?!?!?”

[6] And that would not be the first time I head that word from my friend’s father.

[7] Unless you’re a Black rap star.

[8] Damned if I can’t remember which interview – I’ve head so many with RS, especially since his new book’s release.

[9] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Weather I’m Not Changing

July 11, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, books & magazines, current events, family life, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, school, science, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The Weather I’m Not Changing

Department Of Why Didn’t I Think Of That Comeback?

“When a man says to you, ‘You’re prettier when you smile,’ tell him,
‘I’m prettiest when I’m dismantling the patriarchy which made you think
hat my face owes you anything.’  ”

More smash the patriarchy tips from Rev. Karla.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of An Extraordinary Quote From An Extraordinary Interview

That interview can be found on the recent Hidden Brain podcast, wherein host Shankar Vedantam speaks with U of Michigan School of Public Health researcher Victor Stretcher.  Stretcher explains how he strives to understand the connections between the changes he made in his own life after his daughter’s death, and the things he is studying as a scientist, including looking into the science of purpose, transcending values,   [1]  and emotional regulation strategies.

 

( Daniel Goleman is American psychologist and science journalist   [2]  )

 

From the HB website, the intro to Hidden Brain: What Is Your Life For?:

“…At every age and every stage, many of us are intimidated by the question of what we should do with the remaining days we have left….A lifespan of a few decades is but a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of the planet to say nothing of the universe. How can we spend this time meaningfully?
This week on Hidden Brain…we explore the science of finding a life that is meaningful. There is no one-size-fits-all answer for everyone. But there are scientifically tested ideas about how we can feel more in harmony with ourselves and the world….”

Excerpts from the podcast:

Victor Strecher:
“People with transcending values have less activation in a part of the brain that relates to fear and aggression called the amygdala. They have more activation in a part of the brain that relates to long-term orientation, a future orientation, and that’s called the ventral medial prefrontal cortex….”

Shankar Vedantam:
“…Your research has found that people with a greater sense of purpose employ different emotion regulation strategies than people who have a weaker sense of purpose….why are they [emotion regulation strategies] important?

Strecher:
“…we all have stressors in our lives, right? All of us.
And the question really is, how do you cope with those stressors?
Turns out that of 16 coping strategies that we looked at, strategies like drinking alcohol or eating too much or venting, were negatively associated with sense of purpose. Whereas seeing a big picture, knowing this won’t last forever, taking walks in nature…were strongly associated with a sense of purpose. And along with that, emotional self-regulation….”

 

 

Stretcher illustrates emotional self-regulation by sharing a story told to him by a colleague, whose son has a five-year old child who attends a Montessori school.  [3]   One day the child comes home from school, and for whatever reasons, he and his father start getting in a big argument…

Stretcher:
“…and they’re almost yelling at each other…finally, the five-year-old child says, ‘You know what?  I’m gonna change my own weather.’   And suddenly they have an adult conversation.
And I was thinking, I wish a lot of senior leaders had that ability to change their own weather, going from cloudy to sunny….what that requires…is a sense of understanding what your emotion is, and also having the agency to be able to change it.”

 

Yeah, all of the above, to get to that (quote from a child).  But, what a  that  is that.   

“I’m gonna change my own weather.”

What a remarkable metaphor, image, strategy – for anyone, let alone a five-year old child.

 


( Pema Chodron is American Buddhist teacher and author. )
 

*   *   *

Department Of A Blast From The Past

Dateline: January. New Year; new project: taking an excerpt from a past blog, from the same time frame (the second Friday of whatever month).  Perhaps moiself  will like this enough that it will turn out to be a regular blog feature for 2025.  So far it has, but time, and my capacity for reruns, will tell.

This journey down memory lane is related to the most convincing reason a  YOU-of-all-people-should-write-a-blog-why-aren’t-you-writing-a-blog?!?!?!  [4]   friend gave me, all those years ago,   [5]   as to why I should be writing a blog: a blog would serve as a journal of sorts for my life.  Journal/diary-resistant moiself  would have some sort of a record, or at least a random sampling, of what was on my mind – and possibly what was on the nation’s mind – during a certain period of time.

Now I can, for example, look back to the second Friday of a years-ago July to see what I was thinking. (or as MH put it, WHAT was I thinking!?!? )

 

 

The blast is going to the way back – to when the blog was but ten months old.  Here is an excerpt from my blog of 7-12-13 ( The Phrase I’m Not Saving ).

RESCUE 911
 “We’re lost in the woods, and need an extra large with mushrooms and double cheese…and a helicopter, please.”

Join our thrilling, reality-based series, during which MH and I discover our son’s true concerns should we ever end up lost or injured in the wilderness.

Dateline:  Sunday, July 7.  MH and I planned on driving up to Vancouver, WA to go hiking on a new (to us) trail. We invited son K, who declined.    [6]

As I was lacing up my boots I informed K of our destination, and told him I was leaving a map of the trail on my computer.  I decided to test his hiking/outdoor recreation, Buddy system safety awareness   [7]    by asking him,

“So, what would you do if we did not return by a certain time?”

“What time?” K asked.

“Absolutely, by dinner time,” I clarified. “But we should be back way before that.”

“Well…” K steepled his fingers in front of his face in a Mr. Spock-like pose of thoughtfulness.  “I haven’t been to Pizza Schmizza in a while….

 

 

 

*   *   *

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [8]

  “ ‘Life doesn’t need purpose, purpose needs life.’
 A religious believer acting as a slave to her deity isn’t actually purpose-driven in any sense we should admire, because the purpose is someone else’s and is often taken up under threat or by bribery. A mind free of superstition and servility is necessary for a fulfilling life…. as a non-believer, your purpose resides in yourself; it is yours alone to discover and develop. It’s about choosing to live your own life for your own reasons. No one can dictate your purpose. You decide.
Freely choosing to help and cooperate with others is the true path to finding purpose. Life does not need purpose: Purpose needs life.”

( Dan Barker, musician, composer, former evangelical Christian minister, co-president of
Freedom From Religion Foundation; excerpts from his book, The Good Atheist )

 

 

*   *   *

May you have the self-awareness to change your own weather;
May your purpose be your life;
May you look absolutely fabulous while dismantling the patriarchy;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

 

[1] Transcending values are core principles which move beyond self-interest and personal desires and needs, and are typified by a concern for the welfare of people other than our selves or our inner circle (family/neighbors/friends/co-workers).  Transcending values focus on broader ideals, such as seeking the well-being of all people (and non-human species, for ethical vegans, for example) contributing to the betterment of the human condition, casting aside tribal beliefs and concerns to focus on the larger ideals of truth, justice, (and the American way  calm down, Superman ), compassion and altruism.

[2] Goleman is best known for popularizing the concept of emotional intelligence.

[3] Montessori schools are known for teaching children emotional regulation skills. 

[4] I was adamant about not writing a blog…thus, the title of the blog I eventually decided to write.

[5] Was it really over twelve years ago?

[6] There were, as always, aliens to be battled in cyberspace. (at the time of the post K was age 20, home from college for the summer).

[7] Always inform friends and family about your trip itinerary, ideally include a map and tell someone where you are going and when you expect to return….

[8] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The TV Show Theme Songs I’m Not Singing Along To

July 4, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), community, current events, foodie, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Holidays, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, nature, Oregon, politics, reproductive rights, school, science, The Write Stuff (literary life), TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The TV Show Theme Songs I’m Not Singing Along To

Department Of Let’s Get This Out Of The Way

Uh…Happy Birthday, USA?

 

 

‘Twould be the under-est of understatements to say that, this year, moiself  doesn’t really feel much like hailing Independence Day.  The holiday, which commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, rings hollow this year, what with His Royal Orangeness – He Who Puts The Dick In Dictator (along with the vile Vance, traitorous Dick #2 ) – determined to send this nation tumbling ass-over-tit down the slope of authoritarianism.  Meanwhile, #47’s butt-snogging, morally-deluded followers seek to replace the independence celebrated on July 4 for the slavish insurrection he instigated on January 6.

Thus, moiself  be looking to the past for some wisdom…or just a moment’s diversion.  I think the last time July 4 fell on a Friday was in 2014; searching through my blog post of that day for a #47-free excerpt, I see that I had other things on my mind:

Excerpts from The (made-in-China) Flag I’m Not Waving (7-4-14 ),

I can think of few better ways to celebrate our nation’s independence from hierarchical hegemony than to kick a hallowed institution.  But, first….

 *   *   *

White People Problems – #568 In An Unending Series
The Warning That Ruins Lives

Don’t you, kinda yeah maybe well sure, want to know things?  As in, when a certain variation of A Good Thing to Do has a deleterious or dangerous side effect, and there is a better version of or way to do The Good Thing ®, wouldn’t you want to know about it?

 

Another helpful hint – it’s too much to handle! Let the little #$&!s get melanoma!

 

Dateline: A Sunday morning, at the Oregon Zoo’s Cascade Grill.  Two Mommy Friends ©, each accompanied by one ambulatory toddler and one infant in a stroller, are chatting outside the entrance doors to the café.  One of the women is pregnant.  Preggers Woman reaches into her stroller’s storage bag for an aerosol can of sunscreen and begins to spray her toddler’s legs.  As the sunscreen mist envelops her child from toes to torso she complains to her friend about how she just read somewhere that pediatricians are advising parents to refrain from using spray sunscreen on their children, because

(a) spray-on sunscreens are not effective as the rub-in lotions, and
(b) children can inhale the sunscreen mist, which is harmful to their lungs.

 “And I thought, really?”
PW rolls her eyes and snorts with disgust as she snaps the cap back on the spray bottle and tosses it in the stroller bag.
“I mean, really – it’s just so frustrating!  So now what else can’t I give my kids?!”

What else can’t you give your kids?

How about lead paint?

Or an overdose of Tylenol, or….?

*   *   *

And now, let the kicking begin.

The Honeymoon Is Over

Although the relationship was doomed from the start, I’m surprised more friends didn’t intervene and say, “He’s just not that into you.”

I refer to the liberal religiositati’s  [1]  high hopes for the latest head of the Catholic church, Pope Francis.  He threw them a few bones about caring more about the poor than about divisive social issues and they were practically tripping all over themselves, using their ACLU membership cards to mop up their deferential drool.

It may be true that, as one friend put it, P. Francis is “better than the Nazi,”   [2]  but talk about damning with faint praise.

PF has consistently dodged questions about raising the status of women in his church, and last week responded to a journalist’s query about the underlying misogyny in the Catholic church by making a “joke” :

Francis replied: “The fact is that woman was taken from a rib.”
PF then laughed “heartily” before saying: “I’m joking. That was a joke.”

 That’s one wacky dude!  Hard to believe he traded in a promising stand-up comedy career for vows of celibacy and poverty.

 

Living the vow of poverty, Vatican-style.

 

Not only is the latest high priestess of Isis/RC witch doctor/holy chicken bone mumbler pope maintaining his church’s separate and unequal gender wall, he seems prone to reinforcing it, as when he spoke a few weeks back about, the need for “… fertility in maintaining a Christian marriage.”

Frankie baby blamed a “culture of well-being” and comfort for convincing married couples that a carefree life of world travel and summer homes was better than having children.  He said married couples should look at how Jesus loves his church to learn how to be faithful, perseverant and fruitful in their vocation.

 

 

Pay attention to whatever the man in the dunce cap pointy hat – surely a signifier of supreme intellectual aptitude if there ever was one – tells y’all.

 

 

Yo, Catholic married couples: Your Jesus (according to RC doctrine) never married and was childless; therefore; it logically follows that to be faithful to this Jesus and his church you should marry and must have children.  If it breeds, it leads!  Or…something.    [3]

Why anyone heeds the admonitions of a childless celibate who presumes to lecture other people on the supposed virtues – and strictures – of a breeding marriage….  RCs, get your heads out of those orifices. 

 

 

Or perhaps Francis the talking mule O’Pope was trying to divert attention from the latest Catholic business as usual scandal. “Our own little Holocaust,” is what an Irish Mirror writer called the discovery of the bodies of ~ 800 toddlers and babies who died of disease and malnutrition in the Irish institutions that housed their unmarried mothers, who were shamed and damned by the cultural stigma against sexually active females and “bastard” babies – a stigma invented, promoted, and implemented by the church.

On the really, really dim bright side, will yet another set of these latest revelations finally help to break the RC stranglehold on Irish culture, law and politics?

“After the revelations that Irish priests raped countless little boys and Irish nuns beat and starved countless little girls forced to work in the Magdalene laundries, we can’t take any more. The children in the homes were even used as guinea pigs for pharmaceutical companies to test vaccines… Never again should the Catholic Church dare to point the finger at any young woman contemplating abortion, or lecture on the sanctity of human life.”
The Week (6-20-2014)

 

*   *   *

That was fun, wasn’t it?

 

 

*   *   *

 

*   *   *

Department Of They Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To

Television show theme songs, that is.

 

 

They still make TV shows; however, it seems to have become more common in the “contemporary classic” era to repurpose existing songs – e.g., The Rembrandts’ I’ll Be There For You, which was used as the theme song for Friends .

But according to a study I just made up, you couldn’t do better than those Golden Years Of TV Theme Songs, ®  when composers were paid to come up with original instrumentals – such as the thundering, surf’s-up vibe of film composer Morton Stevens theme to Hawaii Five-0, (later a hit for The Ventures  [4]), and Jerry Goldsmith’s eerie psych-out theme for The Twilight Zone; Alexander Courage’s theme to the original Star Trek series.

Or you had actual, narrative,  songs-with-annoyingly-catchy-tunes-whose-lyrics-explained-the-show, ala the themes to Gilligan’s Island or The Brady Bunch or The Addams Family.   [5]

But that melodious passage which awakened moiself  at 2:05 AM Tuesday morning – I figure if you’re going to have a bout of classic TV show theme song induced insomnia, you can’t do better than having arguably the best television main theme ever, with its urgent, hypnotic syncopation (notable for being in 5/4 time), Argentine composer Lalo Schifrin’s Grammy-winning  Theme to Mission:  Impossible.

 

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Pondering Life Choices

Dateline: Thursday, circa 1 pm.  Enjoying my sushi lunch at Happy Elephant restaurant    [6] in Manzanita, which now serves sushi as well as Thai food.

Sometimes, when I’m having a good meal in a restaurant, moiself  wishes I’d followed up on going to medical school, so when the server stops by after I’ve had a chance to sample my food and asked me how everything is, I can honestly say, “It’s just what the doctor ordered!”

 

 

*   *   *

Department of Employee Of The Month

 

 

It’s that time, to bestow that prestigious award upon moiself.  Again. The need for which I wrote about here.   [7] 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [8]

 

 

*   *   *

May you have the odd (and hopefully, rare) pleasure of classic TV theme song insomnia;
May you never take family planning advice from celibate men wearing pointy hats;
May you find reasons to be hopeful on July 4;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Yeah, not an OED-recognized word. But it should be.

[2] The always observant SCM was referring to Joseph Ratzinger, better known by his slave name, Pope Benedict.

[3] No footnote here. Move along folks; there’s nothing to see.

[4] Pride of the Pacific northwest, an instrumental band out of Tacoma!

[5] Just try *not* to snap your fingers.

[6] Formerly, A Mighty Thai.

[7] Several years ago, MH received a particularly glowing performance review from his workplace. As happy as I was for him when he shared the news, it left me with a certain melancholy I couldn’t quite peg.  Until I did.

One of the many “things” about being a writer (or any occupation working freelance at/from home) is that although you avoid the petty bureaucratic policies, bungling bosses, mean girls’ and boys’ cliques, office politics and other irritations inherent in going to a workplace, you also lack the camaraderie and other social perks that come with being surrounded by your fellow homo sapiens.  No one praises me for fixing the paper jam in the copy machine, or thanks me for staying late and helping the new guy with a special project, or otherwise says, Good on you, sister. Once I realized the source of the left-out feelings, I came up with a small way to lighten them.

[8] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.  No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Blog Post I’m Not Completing

June 27, 2025

Robyn Parnell are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), books & magazines, community, current events, family life, foodie, freethought/humanism, friends, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, nature, Oregon, politics, school, science, Wow, YEE HAW!, Yikes! , , , , , , Comments Off on The Blog Post I’m Not Completing

As in, this is not the post that was intended for today.   [1]   But first, this breaking news:

Dateline:  Monday eve, 6-23-25.  Scott Harris joined us for dinner.

 

 

Several years back, when people were starting to post pictures of meals they’d eaten and/or dishes they’d prepared on social media, moiself  decided to do so, as a kind of joke.  The first time that I posted a picture  [2]  of a meal MH and I were enjoying, my friend Scott Harris   [3]  commented on the post with something like, “Oh, not, you’re not going to turn into one of those people who posts pictures of food, are you?”

Moiself  picked up that gauntlet he’d thrown down, and ran with it.

 

Here’s the gauntlet I picked up.  I’d assumed it was thrown by Scott.

 

From that time onward, every week or so I post a picture of a dinner I’ve prepared, along with a caption containing variants of, “MH and I would be delighted to share our stir fry with Indonesian peanut sauce with Scott Harris, were he in town;”  “If only Scott Harris could be here to help us finish off this grilled steelhead with lemony garlic greens, spice-roasted butternut squash, and MH’s homemade sourdough…”

 

 

 

It became a long-running joke, with several of my FB friends wondering/asking moiself  if there actually is such a person as Scott Harris?  Indeed there is, I assured them, but Harris and his family have lived abroad for many years (first Hanoi, currently Hong Kong).  He occasionally gets stateside to visit family in So Cal; we’ve tried to arrange get-togethers but nothing has worked out…until three weeks ago Scott messaged me with the news that, due to his youngest son’s participation in a touring baseball team tournament comprised of expat kids, he and his son would be in the Portland area,  and:

“…if you are around, I demand to be fed.”

We were, and he was.  Photographic evidence (yeah, I know, it could be AI-faked) is available, privately, for doubters.

 

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of If You See One Movie This Summer…
( You Need To Get Out More Often )

Dateline:  Tuesday.  Coincidently, the day after a long-time friend   [4]   visits – the kind of friend where you can both catch up on each other’s respective lives and discuss the state of/meaning to the universe in the same paragraph – I met my dear buddy and fellow Movie Buff® CC at a theater to see  The Life of Chuck.  This is the incident which made the title of this week’s blog appropriate.  Translation:  I’m not writing the blog installment I’d intended, because moiself  can’t get the movie’s themes from careening through my frontal lobe and my amygdala like a drunken sailor.

I felt odd, driving home from the movie theater, and actually wondered at one point if I should pull the car over and strip off my clothing and run into traffic whooping and yelping in both despair and delight  catch my breath, because my mind, and possibly body, felt… elsewhere.   After the movie was over I told CC, when we were both stumbling for words outside the theatre, that “…when I get home tonight MH will ask me how the movie was, and I’ll have no good answer, and then he’ll ask what was the movie  about, and I’ll say something like ‘it was about living life with the knowledge of the inevitable obliteration of the cosmos, whether physically or philosophically/personally…and I can’t explain it any more than that.’ ”

And then I’ll have to sit in one of our Comfy Chairs ® and stream a movie about dinosaurs or King Kong or something.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of…Or Something

The next day I saw one version of  Or Something: The Phoenician Scheme,   [5]   which, for moiself, is the existential opposite of The Life of Chuck.

I won’t bother to give even a rudimentary summary of The Phoenician Scheme’s plot line, because it doesn’t matter.  It was a Wes Anderson movie, in all its Wes Anderson-osity, with its plethora of *name* actors eager to play a part in his highly stylized eccentricity: Look at us – as actors we’re all individually and collectively capable of emoting our spleens off, but here we are in Wes Anderson ®  mode, so enjoy us being deadpan and quirky amidst the symmetrical, bright-vintage and hyperrealistic, Andersonesque set design!   [6]

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of In Three Days My Mother Would Have Had Her Ninety-Seventh Birthday

To honor that, moiself  will be excerpting a blog from three years ago (  The Holiday I’m Not Renaming ), in which I shared one of my favorite memories of my mother:

Dateline: earlier this week.   A FB friend posts pictures of his grandchild‘s visit to what looks to be an amusement park, and a picture shows the child playing that classic arcade game, Whac-a-mole. Seeing this picture prompts a lovely flashback for moiself – a memory I’ve not thought of in decades.

Dateline of memory: A long time in a galaxy far far away (Southern California).  I am visiting my parents at their home in Santa Ana.  It’s summertime, and the County Fair is on.  My parents tell me they haven’t been to a state or county fair in ages, and suggest we go.  And so we do.  As we walk past the various cheesy games and merchandise and food booths, nothing catches our interest, until we come to an arcade. I espy a Whac-A-Mole game, and instantly am obsessed with getting my mother to play it.

 

 

My mother is hesitant, despite my enthusiastic recommendation. She knows nothing about it, she says  ( Even better!!!, moiself  thinks to moiself  ).  I assure her that it’s a straightforward game, no complicated strategy or levels or scenarios: she simply must hold the mallet and whack the heads of the moles as they pop up from the console.

“Why?” she asks me.

“There’s no time to get existential right now,” I reply.  I put my two quarters in the slot, press the game’s start button and put the mallet in my mother’s hand.  “You don’t want me to waste fifty cents, right, Mom? Look – there’s one!  Pretend it’s digging up your rosebushes!”

…my mother is exquisitely awful at Whac-A-Mole.  Her timing is atrocious; even so, she soon gets into it in her own way, emitting a high-pitched,  “Oh!”  whenever a mole head appears, followed by her delayed whack at its head. My father and I, standing to the side of the game console, are doubled over with laughter as we watch my mild-mannered mother, with an increasing maniacal look in her eyes, pursue those pesky moles:

“Oh!”
(whack)

“Oh!”
(whack)

“Oh!” (whack) “Oh!” (whack)

“Oh oh oh oh oh oh!”
(whack whack whack whack whack whack)

It is one of my favorite memories of her.

 

This is another one.

 

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [7]

“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”

( Carl Sagan, the late, great, American astronomer, planetary scientist, teacher,
author, science communicator…. )

 

 

*   *   *

May you realize that we’re all living  The Life of Chuck
May you have a favorite memory of your mother;
May your life never resemble a Wes Anderson movie;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Some musings on “special ed” programs.

[2] on Facebook, my only social media outlet.

[3] I’m making an exception here (in my blog) to identify a real person with his real name (and not an acronym or initials).  He deserves it, and also, being a journalist for years, he kind of qualifies as a person in “the public eye.”

[4] We’ve known each other since junior high ( I was in the 7th grade, and Scott the 8th).  Can you imagine the hideous (as in, embarrassingly adolescent) stories we could tell?

[5] Yep, I returned to the movie theater.  I’m trying to get back into watching a movie a week in the theater…which shouldn’t be so difficult given the plethora of summer releases but which in fact is difficult for moiself  when the majority of the releases are the seventeenth in a series of I Know What You Did/How You Screamed  Fast and Furioiusly Last Summer – Marvel Super Hero, Inside Out of Training Your Despicable Me’s Dragon, Mission Impossible: The Final Squeezing Of Blood From A  Movie Ticket Turnip…

[6] At least I didn’t pay for it…directly.  I have a movie club membership, and have amassed many free tickets.

[7] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Big D**k I’m Not Swinging

June 20, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, books & magazines, current events, extended family, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, music, nature, politics, radio & podcasts, Recreation, school, science, The Write Stuff (literary life), TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Department Of Thoughts While Walking Around A Farmers’ Market

Dateline:  Last Sunday, with MH, Orenco Farmers’ Market; ~ 11:45a. Moiself  is noticing a long line for one of the market’s food carts.   We approach the cart to see what it is selling, then exchange knowing snickers.  As MH puts it,

“… it is so strange to see a long line for a place serving food
you’d have to pay me to eat.”

That particular cart specialized in biscuits and gravy/biscuits and sausage and gravy.  Even way back when moiself  was the occasional meat eater, I disdained the dish – confession: I find its appearance so repulsive I’ve never even tried it.

To the minority (I’m being optimistic) of y’all who claim to actually like biscuits and gravy:   [1]   that homey dish, which may remind you of family comfort food, has always looked to me to be the result of feeding sausage to Grandma’s dog which then vomits all over a plate of Grandma‘s biscuits.

 

*   *   *

Department Of More Thoughts, These Which Occurred To Moiself @ 5:57a
  On A Father’s Day Sunday Morning

Who “invented” shaving?

Shaving was, for centuries, an already well-established torture grooming option for men before the Roaring 20s and flapper fashions revealed that adult female humans also grow hair on their legs and armpits.  Seeing as how there are few things more frightening to patriarchy – and the “feminine” ideal it created –  than recognizing the natural, biological commonalities of male and female bodies, razors and depilatories became marketed to (read: mandated for) women.

 

 

But Who was the ambitious Phoenician dignitary (or other post-caveman ancestor) to figure out that you could take a blade or hone a stone or another sharp surface and scrape it along certain parts of a man’s skin, to remove the hair growing on the skin   [2]  without removing the skin itself?  And why did that Who think that that – selective body hair removal – would be a worthwhile activity for human men to pursue?

And why were Certain Parts ® chosen for hair removal, while others were left alone?  Shaving targets a man’s face – chin, cheeks, upper lip…not his eyebrows for some reason,   [3] –  but not the hair atop his head.  Why, in most cultures, do men shave their facial hair, but not their forearm or leg hair?

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of You Had Me At “We Don’t Understand Yogurt”

Moiself  has no idea what this “We Don’t Understand Yogurt” quote is supposed to reference.  But I had it set for today’s blog, and so it shall stand. Let your imagination run wild.

 

*   *   *

Department Of Big Swinging Dicks

Not my terminology, but that used by the OceanGate     [4]    CEO and founder Stockton Rush ( I don’t know about big or swinging, but that’s a dick name if I ever heard one).  Rush used the BSD term to describe the cadre of egotistical entrepreneurs ( alaJeff Bezos and Elon Musk) which, he told several of his employees, he aspired to join.  No doubt Rush imagined that he would one day be the exemplar of the ITAL Big Swinging Dicks he admired.  And now he is….although not exactly in the way he’d hoped.

In June 2023 Rush, and four passengers who’d paid OceanGate $250,000 each to ride in an OceanGate submersible to see the wreck of the Titanic died when OceanGate’s Titan submersible imploded about 90 minutes into its descent, instantly goo-ifying/squashing killing all five people on board.   [5]   Investigations into the disaster   [6]  revealed that warnings had been raised by experts inside and outside of the company, from deep sea explorers to engineers and former OceanGate employees, about Titan’s unique carbon fiber design not being suitable for Titanic-style depths   [7]  – a design which ignored over 60 years of submersible design research and which was described by one former OceanGate employee as an “abomination” and an “inevitable disaster.”

 

Titan submersible, before….

 

Dateline:  last Wednesday, 7:30 am.  Moiself  is watching the Netflix documentary Titan: The Ocean Gates Submersible Disaster.  I’m not sure why I chose it; its near the top of my you-may-find-this-interesting list, and was something to watch while on my morning elliptical workout.  As it began with the recap of the disaster, I wondered to moiself , Other than being appalled by the public resources used (read: money and equipment and manpower wasted) trying to rescue a bunch of privileged multimillionaires from their ill-advised, thrill-seeking adventure, am I really interested in this story?

The answer proved to be yes, yes, and yes.  The film’s documenting of the rise and fall of OceanGate and its CEO is Shakespearean in its themes of ego and hubris, power and ambition, inevitable fate and coveted glory.   

The submersible Titan was made of a material (carbon fiber) that no other submersible – either in Rush’s own company or other companies that produce submersibles – had used, a fact which, to moiself,  screams the question, IF  NO  ONE  ELSE IS  USING  THIS  MATERIAL  TO  GO  THAT  DEEP  IN  THE  OCEAN, MAYBE  THERE’S  A  REALLY  GOOD  REASON  WHY ?!?!?  When Rush was interviewed by a newscaster who raised this fact, Rush actually said, on camera, that once they got through testing the Titan the submersible would be  “ invulnerable.”  The newscaster quickly reminded Rush, “Isn’t that what they said about the Titanic?”

 

“Come home to mama, little Titan.”

 

If you were fictionalizing this story you couldn’t concoct a more classic, almost stereotypical, self-aggrandizing, bullying, grandiose, and ultimately ignorant elitist lead character, whose background of privilege and wealth and money and connections got him a Princeton University degree   [8]  and seed money for his projects.  During the US Coast Guard’s investigation of the disaster, one former OceanGate engineer testified under oath that he quit the company after he asked Rush what would happen if the Titan failed a neutral/third party inspection, and Rush replied that he would “buy myself a congressman.”

 

 

Moiself  found the documentary both fascinating and unnerving.  It reminded me of Werner Herzog’s acclaimed 2005 documentary, Grizzly Man.     [9]    In both films you see a narcissistic megalomaniac unraveling on screen – making rash choices and brazenly overconfident assumptions which lead to their (and other people’s) deaths.  In Stockton Rush’s case, in the end he would literally rather get in a sub that’s going to implode than admit failure (or do what he really needed to do – get some therapy).

Rush’s conceit and aspirational insecurities are vividly on display.  He’d sunk his company’s money and his ego and reputation on this new design that would show all the naysayers what a BSD he was.  He ignored everyone and everything he’d used to help him on the project – his engineers, the test results, even his own monitoring system.  The filmmakers obtained footage of one of Rush’s solo test dives on Titan, which Rush filmed. When the hull began cracking you could see, you could *feel,* his anxiety.  It was all over his face, and he didn’t do another dive for four months after that, until he…until he what?  Just said, WTF?!?!?  He ignored the evidence that the hull would break.  He couldn’t deal with the failure; he pushed his luck…and when that luck ultimately and inevitably ran out, he took other human beings with him.

BSD.  Big Swinging Dick, indeed, that’s what Rush finally was.  But not in the way he’d envisioned.

 

Titan submersible…after.

 

*   *   *

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of A Recent Bingo!  Moment

Dateline: last Tuesday, 8:02 am, walking on the beach at Manzanita, listening to a Fresh Air podcast about stand-up comic and American immigrant,  [10]  Atsuko Okatsuka.  Don’t you love it when someone else, at least for a moment, has thought your same thoughts and/or has experienced your same experiences, and comes up with a pithy way to describe it – a phrase or explanation that you can use, then blame it on/attribute it to someone else, if anyone finds the description unpleasant or insulting?

As a standup comic Okatsuka puts herself at the center of attention when she is working, and thus by definition, is “on stage.”  Still, in the interview she showed a unique understanding in answering certain questions or prescriptions often posed to writers, artists and other “creatives” by folks not in those fields, folks and who conflate an artist’s wanting to do the creative work with wanting fame and acclaim for that work:

“Why do you do *___*” or, Why don’t you do *____*?

 

 

My response (often unuttered) has always been on the tip of my snarky little tongue when, over the years, people who’ve judged me amusing and/or clever felt the need to give me unsolicited career advice.  This advice, always phrased in ways to seem complimentary, comes out as some version of

* You should be (should’ve been) a stand-up comic!
*  You should be (should’ve been) an actor, or someone on stage!

Fact is, if or when y’all would truly pay attention and/or look beneath the surface (as did some editors and publishers, who were less than pleased with the results), you would surmise that although I’m one of the more genial people you will meet and am generally fine in one-on-one and very small group situations,  being “on stage“ (or even the idea of it) is something I truly abhor.

 

Yeah, kinda like this.

 

Translation: book fairs, book signings, author readings and appearances – while highly (and often desperately) sought by aspiring/newbie writers, and (usually) highly appreciated or desired by other, established authors –  were anathema to me.  And I’m fine with that.

Thus, my answer to the Why did you never pursue being a stand-up comic/more public speaking/presentation opportunities to sign books and bask in attention and acclaim…?”   [11]   question:

“Because I don’t have this hole in my heart that I have to fill
with the validation of strangers.”

 

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [12]

(Reason # 68). I’m angry that when people run for political office in the Unites States, it’s considered legitimate to grill them about their employment background, their positions on legislation, their positions on social issues, the taxes they’ve paid, even their sexual history… but, it’s considered invasive and intolerant to ask if they believe in talking snakes, demonic possession, magic underwear, magic crackers that turn into the flesh of their god, an earth that was created 6,000 years ago, or a god who put himself on Earth in human form and then sacrificed himself to himself to atone for sins that other people committed and to save humanity from the punishment he himself was planning to dole out.
If someone is going to make decisions about science funding, emerging medical technology, our educational system, and so on… I think it matters if they believe any of that shit, and I bloody well want to know.

( excerpt, Greta Christina’s informative, entertaining, passionately logical, both ferocious and calm, scathing and compassionate analysis of religion, Why Are You Atheists So Angry: 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless  )

 

*   *   *

May your life be free from BSD’s;
May your comfort food never look as though it’s been regurgitated;
May you, for whatever reasons, understand yogurt;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

 

[1] And if this is you, you have my sympathy.

[2] Or so they thought, primitive humans not understanding how hair follicles function.

[3] Except for the occasional unibrow correction.

[4] OceanGate Inc. was a privately-owned company, co-founded by Stockton Rush, based in Washington state’s Puget Sound.  OceanGate manufactured and provided crewed submersibles for tourism, research, and exploration. It ceased operations after the Titan disaster.

[5] The five were Oceangate’s CEO Stockton Rush (who piloted the submersible), British explorer Hamish Harding, veteran French diver Paul Henri Nargeolet, British-Pakistani businessman Shahzada Dawood and his 19-year-old son, Suleman.

[6] From the US Coast Guard, the Transportation Safety Board of Canada, even the US Department of Justice (which was concerned about the company’s financial practices).

[7] The wreck of the Titanic lies some 12,500 feet below the ocean’s surface.

[8] Even though his grades – the documentary shows his Princeton report cards – were hardly Ivy League bragging material (they ranged from B – to D’s and even Fs). 

[9] Focuses on the life and death of Timothy Treadwell, a self-proclaimed grizzley bear “expert,” who descends into grandiosity and manic delusion in his quest to “save the bear” and also get himself attention and jump-start his aspiring actor career.  Among Treadwell’s many peculiarities included him faking an Australian accent (he told some people he was from Australia; he was from New York state) or telling people that he was a British orphan (both of his parents survived him).  Moiself  highly recommends you watch this movie…but only once.

[10] technically an “illegal alien” – as a child she was brought to the US from Japan, without proper papers, by her grandmother.

[11] Translation:  I was the worst self-promoter, ever.

[12] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

The Authoritarian Regime I’m Not Writing About

June 13, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), books & magazines, community, current events, freethought/humanism, friends, general ruminations, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), movies, music, politics, radio & podcasts, reproductive rights, school, science, The Write Stuff (literary life), TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The Authoritarian Regime I’m Not Writing About

Los Angeles, and elsewhere.  The escalation – federal forces and incendiary rhetoric – to produce the violence #47 so desperately seeks.  Instigation, followed by justification.

Dictators; authoritarians…this is their playbook.  And one of the most essential – and the most heart-wrenching – chapter of the playbook is that their followers don’t, won’t, can’t, or refuse to see it. They vehemently and obstinately don their moral and historical blinders and bray,  “That was then; this is different,” as they slide into the putrid pit of “then.”

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Win-Win

Dateline: Monday eve, watching the Becoming Led Zeppelin documentary.  Moiself  can’t remember exactly where I was or even how old I was when I heard Led Zeppelin’s first album, but the thing was that I heard it as an album.  Among the many insights presented in the documentary is the group’s strategy to *not* be a singles band – their albums were meant to be played and listened to us as just that: albums.   [1]   That differentiated them at the time (although, arguably, they were preceded by The Beatles’ Seargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band in terms of a band producing an album that was meant to be listened to as an album, and not just filler songs surrounding one or two singles).

I (eventually) bought all of the LZ albums and attended several of their concerts.  I also understood, intuitively if not consciously at the time, how LZ, and the heavy metal and “stadium rock” bands which followed, became partly responsible for the emergence of punk rock.  Several of the members of  The Ramones, as well as members of other punk bands, have spoken about how their approach to music (jackhammer, two-minutes songs; minimalist instrumentation and no solos by any member of the band) was a reaction to and rebellion against what they saw as the self-indulgent excesses of mainstream rock, which had abandoned or twisted the original energy of rock ‘n roll into, as an example, Jimmy Page’s and John Bonham’s respective, lengthy, guitar and drum solos.   [2]

Moiself  was a fan of Led Zeppelin’s music, then *really* loved The Ramones and punk rock as well, so it all worked out for me.

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of A Blast From The Past

Dateline: January. New Year; new project: taking an excerpt from a past blog, from the same time frame (the second Friday of whatever month).  Perhaps moiself  will like this enough that it will turn out to be a regular blog feature for 2025.  So far it has, but time, and my capacity for reruns, will tell.

This journey down memory lane is related to the most convincing reason a  YOU-of-all-people-should-write-a-blog-why-aren’t-you-writing-a-blog?!?!?!  [3]   friend gave me, all those years ago,   [4]   as to why I should be writing a blog: a blog would serve as a journal of sorts for my life.  Journal/diary-resistant moiself  would have some sort of a record, or at least a random sampling, of what was on my mind – and possibly what was on the nation’s mind – during a certain period of time.

Now I can, for example, look back to the second Friday of a years-ago June to see what I was thinking. (or as MH put it, WHAT was I thinking!?!? )

 

 

Here is an excerpt from my blog of 6-14-18 ( The Match I’m Not Lighting  ).

Department of Will Someone Please Explain to Me…

As a kid, I didn’t understand the  light a match reference, nor the presence of a pack of matches in the bathrooms of most people of my parents’ generation.  Even after it was explained to me by an adult,   [5]   it still seemed rather silly.  Was it a last resort, an act of religious penance (  Forgive me, Father, for I have blown Satan’s bugle   [6]  ), or some kind of ritual atonement (setting oneself on fire rather than face the shame of emerging from the host’s bathroom after you’ve stunk it up)?

Matches eventually gave way to the Bathroom Air Fresheners industry – including the aptly if not discretely named Poo-pouri    [7].  This was a great loss to the budding pyromaniac that lurks in most six-year-olds, and also provided yet another variation on things that don’t make much sense.

Yeah, I get the point of, or rather I understand the supposed need for, commercial bathroom air fresheners.  But other than serving as an effective irritant to asthmatics and people with fragrance allergies I think it is arguable that they “work.”  In my experience in other people’s houses and in restaurants, businesses and other “out” venues, it’s a tossup as to whether air fresheners eliminate   [8]   or enhance the odors they are designed to combat.

 

 

And the varieties of masking perfumes, ay yi yi.  Here are just some of the olfactory auras available to you, Discerning Consumer, thanks to the scentmeisters of Glade, Renuzit, et al:

Frosted Pine
Clean Linen
Creamy Custard® & Apple Cinnamon
Angel Whispers   [9]

But really, who’s kidding whom?  Here are your choices:

*Bathroom usage sans air freshener:  it smells like someone took a dump in here.
* Bathroom usage with air freshener:  it smells like whispering angels stood by
 as someone took a dump on a pine tree,
in your clean linen, on your apple custard dessert.

Not to get all Bathroom Buddhist ® , but it is what it is.  Embrace the stone age, y’all: light a match.

 

*   *   *

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Born Too Soon To Achieve My Ultimate Sports Destiny
Sub-Department Of I Realize The Pressure To Fill Space With Content 24/7,
But, A Classic Sibling Bedroom Brawl Is Now A Professional Sport?

Dateline: Sunday night, at Manzanita’s San Dune Pub,  [10]   realizing that one of the pub’s five televisions which show a variety of sports was set to an ESPN channel which was broadcasting the PFC, as in…I can’t believe moiself  is typing this….Pillow Fighting Championship.

 

 

“PFC: Pillow Fight Championship is the world’s first professional pillow fighting league featuring professional fighters engaging in intense, fast-paced and all ages-friendly combat unrivaled by any other professional sports entertainment or fighting organization.

However, PFC isn’t just for professional fighters. We have developed a unique set of rules and regulations to complement our patent-pending and safe combat pillows that allow anyone to participate.

Pillow Fight Championship has been credited for being a safe alternative to traditional, violent combat sports and for it’s ITAL (sic) cardiovascular and benefits.”
( from PFC: About )

 

 

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [11]

 Zora Neale Hurston. Brilliant Harlem Renaissance writer. Anthropologist, ethnographer, folklorist. Best known and beloved for her 1937 masterpiece nove,l Their Eyes Were Watching God. Enormously influential in the worlds of literature, anthropology, oral tradition, African American folklore, and just about every other damn thing except maybe particle physics. She was a non-believer, and even as a child, she was beginning to question the unquestioning faith and dogma of her congregation. She wrote of those years she could not  “understand the passionate declarations of love for a being that nobody could see…. When I was asked if I loved God, I always said yes because I knew that was the thing I was supposed to say. It was a guilty secret with me for a long time.”
She eventually concluded, “Why fear? The stuff of my being is matter, ever changing, ever moving, but never lost; so what need of denominations and creeds to deny myself the comfort of all my fellow men? The wide belt of the universe has no need for finger-rings. I am one with the infinite and need no other assurance.”    [12]

( excerpts, list of “7 Amazing Atheists Who Aren’t Old White Guys,”
By Greta Christina,   [13]  August 30, 2012 |)

 

 

*   *   *

May you no longer engage in pillow fights for free if others are paid to do so;
May you not say yes because you know it is the thing you are supposed to say;
May you find a way to torch the authoritarian’s playbook;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] And LZ founder/guitarist Jimmy Page was fortunate to get the contractual stipulations to be able to do that.

[2] Johnny Ramone’s one note guitar riff in I Wanna Be Sedated was his satirical nod to rock guitarists’ lengthy solos.

[3] I was adamant about not writing a blog…thus, the title of the blog I eventually decided to write.

[4] Was it really over twelve years ago?

[5] By my uncle Joe, accomplished match lighter, may he rest in peace.

[6] a high-pitched, keening wail of a fart, as if summoning Satan’s minions from one’s nether regions.

[7] I am not making this up, and you have to read the product reviews.

[8] Sorry.  Potty-pun unintentional. No shit really.

[9] Because we all know what angel whispers smell like.

[10] Interested in a business opportunity?  The beloved Pub is for sale.  We want someone good to keep it going!

[11] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

[12][12] From Dust Tracks on a Road.

[13] Who herself is not an old white guy; rather, Greta Christina is a not-infrequently-quoted-in-this-blog author, atheist ad LGBTQ activist, and speaker.

The Earthquake My Immodest Attire Is Not Causing

May 30, 2025

Robyn Parnell annoyances, are we having fun yet? (Women & Men & Feminism), books & magazines, category-free rants, community, current events, freethought/humanism, friends, health & wellness, Holy Shit!, Isms (religion), Oregon, politics, radio & podcasts, school, science, TV, Wow, Yikes! , , , , , , , , , , , , Comments Off on The Earthquake My Immodest Attire Is Not Causing

Does anyone remember Boobquake ?  Reading the current news headlines (moiself  handles it by glancing at them and shrieking), I feel like the world could use many more rounds of guerilla activism and mocking-the-mock-worthy.

 

 

Boobquake, a rally to protest (read: mock) an Islamic cleric’s proclamation attributing earthquakes to women’s immodest attire, took place on April 26, 2010.  It was inspired and co-organized by (then) grad student and blogger, Jen McCreight.    [1]

“In early 2010, there came news reports that an Iranian Islamic cleric, Kazem Seddiqi, had blamed earthquakes on God‘s wrath because of women who dressed immodestly and advised ‘Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes.’ and Iranians should ‘adapt their lives to Islam’s moral codes’ to avoid being ‘buried under the rubble.’  The day that this was reported, (genetics grad student and activist/blogger  ) Jen McCreight  [2]  comically encouraged her readers (via Facebook) to dress ‘in your immodest clothing to represent Boobquake,’ which they referred to as a scientific experiment. The actual event took place on April 26, with McCreight carefully avoiding hateful, anti-Islamic, or anti-Iranian messages.

The center of the event (the ‘epicenter’) was at Purdue University, with participants dressed in appropriate attire and carrying signs saying things like Cleavage for Science, and God hates boobs….

An estimated 200,000 people participated in Boobquake…..true to the, um, scientific nature of the event, McCreight ran a rigorous statistical analysis of seismic activity during Boobquake and figured out that world-wide incidence of earthquakes on April 26 was actually below average. Conclusion: boobs stop earthquakes!”
( excerpts, rationalwiki, McCreight )

 

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Why Do We Forget This?

We hear so much about PTSD – so much that some people are under the mistaken impression that every traumatic event will bring PTSD  to those who experience trauma – and we hear relatively little about the other effects of living through or with trauma.  One of the most important effects is a positive:  PTG, as in, Post Traumatic Growth.   PTG is not about denying or repressing one’s suffering, but about recognizing that living through trauma can also lead to developing resiliency and insightfulness, to having changes in perspective and increasing compassion for one’s self as well as for others.  But PTG rarely seems to be addressed or even acknowledged, along with the fact that it’s possible to experience both PTSD and PTG  from the same traumatic circumstances.

“There is research showing that, in the aftermath of a traumatic stress, some people – probably not immediately – actually end up better off.  They develop resources, friendships, social networks, insights into themselves, a sense of purpose….so many people, for example, who receive a terminal diagnosis of cancer at least will *say* that it *really* put things in perspective, and they valued their last days much more than they probably would have in any other scenario.  So, it’s possible, for example, that there is some benefit for having been through something terrible.”

( ecerpts, No Stupid Questions, Episode 23, “Is It Wrong To Crave Praise? ”
originally aired 10-18-20 )

Well someone knows enough about it to turn it into a list.

 

*   *   *

Department Of A Name I Can Live With

As regular/longtime readers may know, moiself  cannot even bear to type the name of that international sign of shame that is our current occupant of the White House; thus, I must resort to aliases (e.g., the Mandarin Mussolini) when mentioning him.  But, leave it to science – specifically, taxonomic classification – to provide an alternative.

This nomenclature suggestion comes from (I assume) an ornithologist, or someone in the birding community:

The Common North American Trump ( anus tangerinus ).

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Finding An Unexpected Use For A Often Troubling Technology

As much as I have grave doubts about AI usage  (except for certain applications, e.g., to medical and scientific research), there is one thing which recently gave me a favorable feeling toward these technologies:  their mere existence has given me the almost perfect framework with which to understand, or at least classify, a phenomenon which has both bemused and saddened moiself  for decades.

I have Religious Friends And Family Members ® whose correspondence and interpersonal interactions   [3]   have long struck moiself  as…pamphlet-like, ya know? I’ve struggled with ways to describe it; after last weekend, I shall struggle no more.

Dateline: Saturday; 7:45 AM; morning walk. Apropos of almost nothing ( but perhaps a recent article I’d read about professors despairing of reading the all-sound-alike, AI-assisted essays from their students? ) I had a click moment which provided me with a more contemporary description for my impressions:

It’s like these  RFAFM’s  lives are guided by Christian AI.

 

 

There are many, many Christian denominations – over 200 in the U.S. and a staggering 45,000 globally, according to the Center for the Study of Global Christianity – a head-scratching number for a religion that, according to most of its adherents, is just so obviously the only true faith/pathway to salvation/god.   [4]

Ah, yet again, I digress.

These RFAFMs of whom I write are typically aligned with the conservative/evangelical brands of the religion.  Over the years, when I listen to the things they say/read the things they write/watch the things they do, I’ve often found moiself  wondering, Is there an individual in there?  It all sounds so…scripted.  I can’t distinguish what she said or wrote from what her sister or that cousin/friend/coworker said or wrote.  In conversations with RFAFM’s  that might actually (and would likely, with other people) steer toward the substantive, there is little of anything uniquely personal – little of *them* present – other than their discernable desire to fulfill an obligation to be looking for any moment, in every situation (particularly when they are in the company of us happy heathens), to say or show how their lives are a “witness” to their religion.

It’s as if they are reading from a Christian AI script.   [5]

 

 

*   *   *

Department Of Sound Advice For The…
Day… Week… Month…Your Entire Life.

This is advice  (usually but not always solicited) which moiself  has given – and heeded – many, many times:

Write it down.  Then put it away.
Come back to it in a few days ( or better yet, weeks),
and read it with the mindset, Is this still what I want to say?
Edit, then send…
or not (maybe it’s no longer necessary?)

Context:  moiself’s  favorite advice columnist, The WaPo’s Carolyn Hax, writing to an advice seeker who’d been zinged at her mother’s funeral, by her mother’s sister.  The advice seeker was wondering how to respond to her aunt, as the zing – and the feelings it brought – still linger.  Hax listed several possible options, including

*  write off your aunt’s words as the rantings of a grieving mess;
* two variations on the do-nothing/let it go response;
* handwrite a note to your aunt.

Moiself  strongly favors that last option.  I have seen too many friends and family estrangements come from slights and resentments left unspoken.  Brushing things under the rug gets you nothing but a houseful of lumpy rugs.  Don’t leave it to others to assume how/why you are feeling what you are feeling…

BUT, and this is a big but…

 

almost as big as this one?

BUT:

 * choose your battles, and
* use the perspective which can only come from deliberation,
as opposed to the instantaneous reactivity of texting, or emailing,
or (gasp) using social media IN ANY WAY.

Write it down; then, sit on it, so to speak.

“The purpose of paper is to encourage slow reactions. You write it and set it aside, in case just writing it is enough; if you want to send it, then you rewrite it as needed until all venom is out; then you snail-mail it so she can’t hit “reply” and react. Etc. Cooler heads.”

( excerpt, “Aunt’s vicious jab at funeral tarnishes a late mother’s gift,”
Carolyn Hax,  The Washington Post, 5-6-25 )

*   *   *

Freethinkers’ Thought Of The Week     [6]

 

 

*   *   *

May you never attribute temblors to tatas;
May your birding binoculars never be soiled by the image of an anus tangerinus;
May your interactions never sound as if they are AI-scripted ;
…and may the hijinks ensue.

Thanks for stopping by.  Au Vendredi!

*   *   *

[1] Jen McCreight goes by the name Jey McCreight now and uses different pronouns, but at the time of Boobquake and her other feminist activisms other she identified as Jen/female; thus I am using the names/pronouns which she used at that time and was identified as in news reports, etc.

[2] who described herself on her blog (at the time)  as “a liberal, geeky, nerdy, scientific, perverted atheist feminist trapped in Indiana.”

[3] both of which are becoming increasingly infrequent, given the years and physical and emotional distance between us.

[4] So “obvious” in its theologies and tenets that there is a need for all those denominations, as these followers of the One True God ® can’t agree on how that god wants them to eat, live, sing, worship, dress, pray, love, play music….

[5] Move along; no footnote to read here.

[6] “free-think-er n. A person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics and rationalists.   No one can be a freethinker who demands conformity to a bible, creed, or messiah. To the freethinker, revelation and faith are invalid, and orthodoxy is no guarantee of truth.”  Definition courtesy of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, ffrf.org

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